


Suffer, Overcome, and Recover

by Tommy Marsh (Tommy_the_Swampman)



Series: Tales from the Silver Gully [1]
Category: Stardew Valley (Video Game)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst with a Happy Ending, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fast Cars, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Kindred Spirits, M/M, Multiple Pairings, Recovery, Recreational Drug Use, Sexual Content, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-14
Updated: 2019-05-18
Packaged: 2019-05-23 04:04:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 39
Words: 60,823
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14926805
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tommy_the_Swampman/pseuds/Tommy%20Marsh
Summary: A former high-paid desk jockey with a taste for liquor and cars comes to Stardew Valley a month after a suicide attempt, looking for an escape from modern life's pain. He finds an unlikely friend in the town's most infamous drunk and another in the town loner, and these friendships... blossom. But will fast friends translate to good partners in the long run?





	1. The Start of Something Good

It sucks when things don't turn out the way you wanted.

  
  
It especially sucks when you sell your soul to get somewhere, and end up hating that place.

  
  
Meetings. Emails. Phone calls. Reminding his subordinates that they had to actually do their jobs to meet deadlines. Impossible demands from the top of the food chain and impossible timelines to meet those demands. Then after work, clubs, lounges, bars, maybe a pill or two to pop, and then a romp in the sheets with whichever person, or people, responded to his booty calls. Rinse and repeat.

 

The days droned on and on and on. Revelry that happened too often was no longer revelry; it was more routine than anything.

  
  
Sebastian Lidowick had joined Joja’s rat race and clawed his way into a position of power, but he was far from thriving.

From the way he lived his life - confidence and reliability at work, a semi-recent promotion, more disposable income than he knew what to do with, a loft with a beautiful view of the city, and his pick of beautiful women who were clamoring to date him - you would think he was living his wildest dreams.

 

But outward looks were deceiving.

 

Barely a month ago, he'd been watching his blood spread across the water in his bright white tub when his only friend walked in. He hadn’t been answering calls that entire week, and she had come to check on him. And now he couldn't wear short sleeves without people asking awkward questions. Every time someone brought up depression, suicide, or the like, his forearms stung like those long, narrow wounds were open again.

At least his health insurance had covered that stint in the hospital and his treatment. Hopefully the little machine that now rested in his brain would keep the suicidal thoughts away.

  
He was stable, perhaps, but not thriving. His career was thriving, but that meant little while the rest of him stagnated in the friendless whirlwind of bars and one night stands.  
  
And so one Sunday, in the midst of winter, Seb was digging through his fireproof safe. In the pile of old documents, he came across a yellowing envelope with a wax seal - that letter his grandfather had given him over a decade ago. He’d only been fifteen when Grandpa Lidowick had died, and hadn’t understood what Grandpa had meant when he said that modern life would someday drain him.

But now, at twenty-nine, drowning in depression, drugs, and drinks, he did.

With shaky hands he broke the seal to find the deed to Silver Gully Farm, Grandpa Lidowick’s farm on the river in Stardew Valley, and a note from dear old gramps, assuring him that he wasn’t alone when he felt like he was drowning - his grandpa had felt the same way. Tears welled in his eyes. He hadn't been there since Grandpa had died...

  
He didn’t know a damn thing about farming. He kept a tiny herb garden in his balcony planter box, but didn’t know much about animals, or chopping down trees, or fishing, or any of the things he’d seen Grandpa do on the farm. But he hadn’t known a damn thing about marketing when he joined Jojamart, either, and now he was sitting pretty as head of regional marketing, making over $100,000 a year, looking down from a cushy loft in the skies of Zuzu.

Joja Corporation sucked the life out of him. But god damn, did they pay well. Being technically single, he was able to have all sorts of luxuries that were typically out of reach for someone his age, like living alone in a loft with a doorman and a constant stream of trading in cars for newer, cooler cars. Giving that up would be a massive adjustment to make.

The prospect of a new life was exciting, but he would sacrifice so much of his comfort for it.

 

But at the same time, what price did he pay for that comfort? Sure, over a thousand square feet with assigned garage parking was great. Having a car that could hold its own in Zuzu’s illegal street races was his wildest dream. Being able to afford night after night of liquor and the occasional line and tab helped dull the pains of life. And carrying around that job title of his made him hold himself with a little pride. But it wasn't healthy to be drinking so much that he was hungover more mornings than not. And it especially wasn’t healthy to have a death wish.

There was a lot of risk involved in getting up and leaving, for sure. But maybe taking that risk would be good for him. Maybe more time in the sun and less time in the bars would help Seb be a healthier man.

 

 _There’s never going to be a right time to make such a big change,_ Seb decided, clutching the deed like a lifeline. _Might as well take that risk, while I'm still kicking…_

 

So with steel in his veins, Seb sat down at his desk, and scribbled a letter to the mayor of Pelican Town, the main town in Stardew Valley, explaining who he was and his intent to move to the farm as soon as spring began. In a month, he would be out of Zuzu.

 

* * *

  
  
Seb sent off the letter the next morning and visited a nearby Jojamart before work to buy some moving boxes. Their latest promotion - and his team's last project - was plastered all over the windows, advertising a Winter Star layaway. He was top notch at his work - he knew more often than not what people wanted, and four years of studying social psychology helped bolster those intuitions with science. And now he was throwing it all away to be a farmer.  
  
After getting his boxes and driving to work, Seb sat in his car, turning his folded resignation letter over and over in his hands. His car was his greatest comfort from the self-hatred that Joja had awakened in him - something about blazing down the highway at 100 miles per hour felt so, so good when the abyss was pulling him in. That [sleek, sporty Hyundai Genesis coupe](http://www.autoguide.com/images/content/2013-hyundai-genesis-coupe-feature.jpg) was the only thing besides the liquor holding him to this world more days than not.

  
Sebastian watched the minutes tick down before he had to go into that accursed glass building. $150,000 a year was a damn nice deal, and there was no doubt in his mind that the farm wouldn't measure up to that. Perhaps after a while, but not immediately. He would have to ride his savings, most likely, for the first year.  
  
But the more he thought about it, the more he realized he didn't care anymore. No amount of money or the pleasures it could buy would be enough to sew a broken person back together. A man needs more to life than his car, his liquor cabinet, and his career.

 

A man needs people to enjoy all those things with.

  
  
With a deep breath, he got out of his car and headed into the building, letter in hand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welp, here goes nothing. I used to write fanfic on dA under a different name, but after a five year hiatus, I've circled back to writing again. Thanks for reading, and I hope you'll stick around!
> 
> Also, here are some photos of the car he drives: http://www.autoguide.com/images/content/2013-hyundai-genesis-coupe-feature.jpg http://topautomag.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/2014-Hyundai-Genesis-Coupe-3.8-Track.jpg There are very few differences body-wise between the 2013 and 2014 versions, so... yeah!


	2. Resignation and Goodbyes

"Hiya Seb!" Kaylee yelled, catching the elevator door for him.    
  
Kaylee was the best performing member on Seb’s team, the resident fashionista, and an old friend of his from college. They had both worked at their college’s biggest dining hall to scrape by, and had moved to Zuzu around the same time. 

If Seb was honest with himself, she was the only real friend he had at this point.  Even with their complex history.   
  
Today she wore a short white satin dress and had her long brown hair in a French braid. Always so put together, unlike Seb, who usually looked like he’d just rolled out of bed. But when you were as high up on the ladder as he was, no one really cared how loose your tie was, or even if it was tied at all.    
  
"Morning Kaylee." He smiled as the elevator doors closed. "Your outfit’s looking perfect today!"    
  
"Thanks!" she grinned, striking a pose momentarily as the elevator lurched up. "You're looking... uh..."   
  
"You can say it. I look particularly like shit today," he chuckled, tugging on his already loose tie and running his hands over his wrinkled dress shirt in a futile attempt to smooth it out. "Woke up late. I'm about to do something impulsive and potentially very stupid."    
  
"That's unusual for you, mister-every-breath-I-ever-take-is-planned," Kaylee said, raising an eyebrow. "What's that stupid thing?"   
  
"Turn in my two weeks."    
  
Kaylee’s jaw dropped in shock. "You... you're quitting?"    
  
"Yeah. Quitting and moving out of Zuzu to start a new life. I have some land in my name out in Stardew Valley, and this place is torture."   
  
"I mean, you're not wrong... but... you worked so hard to become regional head of marketing! I thought you'd be pleased."    
  
"I thought I would be too. But a month ago, I got to see the damage this corporation did to me." His hand moved instinctively to his forearm. "You did too. You… you pulled me out of that bathtub. You visited me in Harding."    
  
"Yeah... yeah I did.” Kaylee fell silent, looking at her sandals as the elevator ascended.

 

“I suppose I get it,” she said after a few minutes. “They say money doesn't buy happiness, but I'd rather cry in a sports car than a beater," Kaylee said, making Seb laugh.    
  
"Ohhhh, you're not wrong," he chuckled. "But I've spent six years crying in sports cars. It's time for a change."    
  
"Just make sure you come visit a bunch! And bring me fruit from your farm. There's nothing like fresh apples to start the morning," Kaylee said as the elevator doors opened. "I'm gonna miss you, Seabass."    
  
"I'll make sure to visit you, Kaylee," Seb assured her as they stepped out of the elevator. "God knows I'll miss seeing your smiling face every day." He held out his arms, and she stepped into his embrace. 

 

When they finally let go of each other, Seb began the long walk to his supervisor’s office, a little bit of that steel from last night in his veins. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When I tagged slow build, I meant slow build.


	3. Move-In Day

Sports cars are not good for moving houses.   
  
Today was Monday, the big day. Seb had crammed his car with as much as he could, but was still left with half a room full of boxes.

He’d decided to donate all of his furniture to the person who was gonna finish out his lease and get new stuff once he’d made it to the Valley. The mayor of Pelican Town had written back a week ago, laying out what to expect, and expressing his excitement for a new person to be moving to the tiny town. Apparently the mayor had been Grandpa Lidowick’s drinking buddy, so at least he wasn’t going to be entirely alone.

The most important things had been loaded into his Genesis - his Monster Hunter special edition GameStation, his two computers, the Intuos Pro he’d been using since college, his high DPI printer, the Bob Kramer knives he’d spent way too much money on, a box that looked like a Book of Yoba that was filled with drugs, and his liquor collection. But still so much remained. He had no idea that he’d accumulated so much stuff since moving here.

Guess the donation pile just got bigger.

His phone buzzed with a text message. It was Kaylee, wishing him a safe drive and a good start to the season.

 

 _Am I really doing this? Throwing my cushy desk job to the wind to go live off the land?_ Seb silently asked himself as chills went down his spine. _What if I fail? What if I’ve got no inclination for farming?_

 

_No. I’m not going to fail. I have to stop second-guessing myself and just do things. I can’t plan for every bad situation._

 

And with that, he turned in his keys to the doorman, jumped into his car, and made his way to the highway. The city faded into fog behind him, and pedal to the metal, the blue Genesis shot down the highway at ninety miles an hour.

 

* * *

 

 

Time always seemed to speed up on the road for Sebastian. In what felt like a blink of an eye, he was passing the sign for Stardew Valley. Only half a mile to go.

He pulled off the highway onto a state route, gripping the steering wheel so hard his fingers hurt. A whole new host of doubts was eating at him - but he did his best to push them down as he turned in the direction of Pelican Town.

 _Stop worrying so much,_ he mentally scolded himself as he kept an eye on the side of the road, looking for a redheaded woman that the mayor had promised would greet him. _If it doesn’t work out, you can always go back. Your supe promised that, in writing. You’re going to be fine._

A few moments later, he spotted the woman he was looking for, waving at him.

“You must be Sebastian!” she said as he pulled up beside her. “I’m Robin. Mayor Lewis sent me to greet you! Mind if I get in? You’ll need to know how to get to Silver Gully!”

Seb nodded and unlocked the passenger door, and the woman got in. A faint, earthy scent followed her into the car. Was that lumber?

“You look a lot like my son,” she commented, looking him up and down. “The hair and eyes are so similar. You even kind of dress like him.”

“What’s his name?” Seb asked, turning off of the pavement onto a downhill dirt road Robin pointed out that cut through the woods. That would be fun when it rained…

“Sebastian.”

“You’re joking.”

“Not at all. It’s going to be confusing for a while, with two Sebastians.”

“Well, I typically go by Seb, so I guess that’ll help.”

The two rode in silence down into the valley. The trees were so dense through here that barely any sun made it through the leaves.

 

“You’ve got a nice car,” Robin ventured, looking around at the Genesis’ currently crowded interior.

“Thanks,” Seb said with a wide smile. “She’s not the most practical, especially not out here in the country, but she’s the closest thing I have to a significant other.”

“Oh, you even talk like him,” Robin chuckled. “Sebby’s very fond of his motorcycle.”

“I used to own a motorcycle! Ended up getting rid of it for this babe, but I loved it so much.”

“You two are gonna get along so well,” Robin squealed, grinning. “It’ll just be a matter of meeting him…”

“You say that like it’ll be difficult.”

“Well, he doesn’t leave his room much. Hardly at all, really.”

“...oh. So he’s not the social type.”

“Not really. He keeps talking about how he’s going to move to Zuzu someday, once he’s got enough cash for an apartment deposit, but I don’t know if he’d survive there.”

“Cities are great for the social butterfly,” Seb mused as the trees started getting less dense. “But if you’re not willing to go out and make those connections, you don’t survive. I know that firsthand. Zuzu isn’t a place for loners.”

Robin nodded and pointed at a weathered wooden sign that read ‘Silver Gully Farm.’ “We made it.”

 

Seb scanned the horizon with uncertainty. This looked nothing like he remembered it. Where was the beautiful greenhouse? The dock over the river? When did so many trees sprout up?

“You okay?” Robin asked as they slowly drove towards Grandpa Lidowick’s cottage. “Ya look like you saw a ghost!”

“No, no, I’m fine…” Seb replied, clutching the steering wheel in a death grip again. “I… I forgot how long the property’s been abandoned.”

“Yeah, you’ve certainly got your work cut out for you,” Robin laughed as they pulled to a stop beside the cottage and a rusty truck. “There’s good soil under all those weeds and trees, though. Especially with the river running right through the property.”

He nodded as he turned the car off and got out. “Who do I talk to for some house renovations? If I’m remembering right, Grandpa never had a kitchen. Did all his cooking outdoors. I’m not about that life.”

“You’re talking to the right person,” Robin winked as she stepped out of the car. “I’m the town’s carpenter.”

“Duly noted. I’ll have to let you know about that.”

“Please do! I’ll also need materials.”   
  
“Noted as well.” Seb slammed his door shut right as the cottage door opened and an older man stepped out.

“Ah, you must be Mr. Lidowick!” the man exclaimed, coming down the stairs with his hand extended. “Mayor Lewis. Just call me Lewis, though. You’ve got a hell of a car there.”

“Good to meet you, Mayor… er, Lewis.” Seb shook the mayor’s hand firmly, which seemed to take Lewis by surprise. “Thanks. I mean, about my car. Everyone seems to love her.”

“You make good first impressions, don’t you?” Lewis grinned, firming up his handshake from what had initially been a bit of a limp fish. “A good handshake, sharp dress, a snazzy car… what's not to love?”

“First impressions used to be my job,” Seb chuckled. “The car isn't part of that, but it certainly helps. I understand you were a friend of Gramps?”

“Ah, yes…” Lewis murmured wistfully. “Jerry was a good man. Worked too hard for his own good. Drank as hard as he worked. Few could outdrink him in the town…”

“Ha! Well, I know where my tolerance comes from now,” Seb laughed. “Dad told me that Grandpa had a liquor collection to rival a bar, and I've built one up myself, too. I take it there’s a bar?”

“A saloon,” Lewis corrected him. “Not much else in the way of entertainment, though.”

“Ah, that’s fine. I like a good, strong drink as much as the next guy.” Seb turned to look at the cottage. “You wrote you were gonna clean it up a little. Younger crowd did a lot of hanging out here?”

Lewis nodded. “They didn’t really clean up after themselves, but everything should be good now.”

“Excellent!” Seb turned back to Lewis with a small smile playing at his lips. “I appreciate you helping me out, May… uh… sorry. Lewis. That’s gonna take some getting used to.”

“Don’t worry about it, Sebastian,” Lewis said, laughing a little.

“Call me Seb.”   
  
“Seb. Okay. Well, I’m sure you want to get settled in. Robin and I won’t linger any longer."

“I appreciate it.” Seb turned to Robin. “I’ll be around tomorrow to discuss some renovating?”

“Sure thing! I open up shop at nine. Most shops around here do,” Robin said as she walked with Lewis to what was presumably his truck. “See you then!”

Seb waved from the porch as Lewis trundled down the dirt road into the woods. As soon as he lost sight of the truck, Seb went to park his car in the aging garage and start hauling boxes inside. 

 

* * *

 

“Hi Shane!” the blue haired girl behind the bar called out as a haggard looking man in a blue hoodie walked into the saloon. “Did you hear the big news?”

“Huh?” he grunted, taking up his usual spot at the bar. “Did the Tunnellers' spring game go well?”

“No idea. No, I mean about the guy who just moved here!” the girl said, filling a mug with beer and setting it in front of Shane. “Lewis was just in here talking about him. Apparently he has a sweet car. And he thinks he might be able to outdrink you! Apparently he showed up with a liquor collection to rival the Saloon.”

Shane snorted. “No fucking way, Emily. In this town of lightweights?”

“He’s from Zuzu. So I guess there’s a chance.”

“I guess,” Shane murmured into his mug.

 _A liquor collection, huh? Maybe we’ll get along._ Shane took a good gulp of his beer and let the alcohol wash over his brain, numbing the self-hatred.

  
_Why would anyone from Zuzu willingly move to this hellhole of a town?_ He silently wondered as he finished his beer and took the next one from Emily.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And now come the character introductions.


	4. Guages

Seb woke at six the next morning to sun glaring through the window. The scars on his forearms ached, and he was covered in a cold sweat.

 _Must have had another nightmare,_ he thought to himself, rifling through his moving box full of clothes. He’d have to get more of those, too - business casual doesn’t exactly lend itself to farming. For now, he threw on a plain black t-shirt, a red button down to hide his forearms, dark wash jeans, and his pair of well-worn Doc Martens. That ought to do.

After brushing his hair and teeth and a quick shave, he backed his car out of the garage, and headed towards Robin’s with a map taped to his AC vents in case he got lost.

* * *

 

Shane was walking to work, as per routine, when he heard the light purr of a car’s engine approaching.

He looked to the road on his left to see a [shiny blue sports car](http://topautomag.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/2014-Hyundai-Genesis-Coupe-3.8-Track.jpg) drive past and turn onto the mountain road, a few nerdy looking stickers on the bumper and its license plate reading ‘SE4B4SS.’ The windows were tinted just a little too dark to see inside.

Had Robin’s son finally scraped together enough cash for something nice? Shane doubted it. He was hell bent on moving out to Zuzu why would he drop over twenty thousand dollars on a fancy car?

 _He’s got a sweet car,_ Emily had said about the new guy. And Shane had to admit - that was a pretty sweet car.

“Great,” Shane muttered to himself, giving the car a look of disgust. “New guy’s a fucking hot shot. Couldn’t have been a normal dude that moves in, no, has to be some douche canoe from the city with a fancy car.”

He kept going towards the town’s Jojamart, in an even more sour mood than before.

* * *

 

“...so, you’re looking to expand the bathroom and add air conditioning, a kitchen and laundry room?” Robin poured over Seb’s rough sketch. “Should be pretty easy. I’ll need to get some more wood, but I can definitely do it.”

“Awesome,” Seb sighed happily as he dug around in his pockets for his checkbook. “How much do you think this’ll run me?”

“Ten thousand even,” Robin replied. “I’ll throw in some appliances like a dishwasher for fifteen thousand, though.”

“Deal.” He signed the check for 15,000 without even blinking and handed it over to Robin, who raised an eyebrow.

“I’ve never been so casually handed such a large check,” she said carefully. “You’re sure? Most people need a day to think about it.”

“Absolutely,” Seb replied, with a small smile. “I’ve got a little money to throw around, if the car didn’t tip you off.”

“You have a point,” Robin laughed.

“What’s this about a car?” an unfamiliar voice sounded from the basement stairs.

 

A guy who was maybe three years younger than Seb with a flop of black hair stepped out of the staircase, hands in the pocket of his faded black hoodie. He looked Seb up and down, his expression unreadable. “Who’s this?”

“This is Sebastian,” Robin said, a nervous edge to her voice. “He’s the new farmer.”

“Another Sebastian? This is gonna be confusing,” the guy groaned. “You look nothing like a farmer, Sebastian.”

“It’s just Seb.”

“Alright. Seb. I’m Sebastian then. I heard you have a car?”

Seb nodded and pointed out the bay window to his blue Genesis. “That’s my baby.”

Sebastian glanced out the window, expecting to see a beater, and did a double take. “That… that’s your car? That Genesis?”

Seb nodded. “I’m surprised you knew the model.”

A grin spread over Sebastian’s face. “Can I look at it?”

“Knock yourself out,” Seb replied, tossing him the keys. “Just don’t drive her away. You’ll mess up my seat.”

Sebastian bolted out the front door, and Seb turned back to Robin. “Your son?”

“Yup. I knew he’d be excited about that car,” Robin said, putting the check away in her shirt pocket. “I’ll start working on your renovations tomorrow!”

“Thanks a million, Robin.” Seb turned on his heel and headed towards the front door. “Gotta make sure your son doesn’t drive off with my car.”

 

Outside, Sebastian had popped the Genesis’ hood and was looking at the engine.

“You got the 3.8 liter?” he called out as Seb closed the front door. “Seems like a lot of power for a pleasure vehicle.”

“I mean, you’re not wrong,” Seb said, coming to stand next to Sebastian. “The 3.8 is standard on 2013s and beyond, and she's a 2014. They don't even offer the 2 liter engine configs anymore. I did a little street racing with her, so she’s at least been put through the paces.”

“You street raced?” Sebastian looked over at him, eyes wide.

“A little bit here and there. What, do I not look like the type?”

“Not really.”

“What type do I look like, then?”

“You look like some sort of management guy who just rolled out of bed. The guy who makes a lot of money ordering people around and has the shiny car with a three hundred horsepower engine but just commutes with it. Probably used to getting your way, probably a little bit of an asshole, probably likes top shelf whiskey.”

“That’s… very specific.”

“How much did I get right?”

“A few things,” Seb laughed. “I was some sort of management guy in Zuzu. Made good money, for sure. Apparently I nearly always look like I just rolled out of bed. Definitely can be an asshole. But it’s a pleasant surprise when things actually go right. And I don’t fancy myself a whiskey person - I’m more of a vodka guy.”

“Huh.” Sebastian turned back to the Genesis’ innards. “Manual transmission?”

“Yup. Six speed. Standard equipment. Automatic’s not great for sports cars.”

“True enough.” Sebastian slammed the hood shut as Seb made his way to the driver’s side door. “Will you take me out in this thing someday?”

“Maybe, if you ask nicely,” Seb smirked as he started the car. “I’ll see you around.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little bit of judging the book by its cover from dear old Shane, and our first (but not last) meeting with Sebastian. This should be interesting...


	5. Examination

Shane didn’t get a good look at the new arrival until a warm Monday morning, a week after his move-in. 

He’d guessed right, though - the new guy owned that fancy blue car. There he was, in a well-worn flannel and jeans smeared with dirt and grass stains, leaning against his car and killing time on his phone before Pierre unlocked the doors to the general store. 

There was something about his casual stance that made Shane’s blood boil. He looked like a douchebag CEO who decided corporate wasn’t for him anymore, so he decided to take his fancy car to the country and retire at 30 to a plot of land he inherited. Which, according to some of the townsfolk, was a pretty accurate reading. 

_ God, he even holds himself like an asshole,  _ Shane thought to himself. 

Shane didn’t realize he’d been staring until Seb had taken his nose out of his phone and was now looking back at him. And now that he was staring, Shane felt a chill go down his spine. There was something unsettling about the way Seb was looking at him. He felt like he was being medically examined by this black-eyed stranger, like he was a specimen under a microscope. And boy, he did NOT like that. But as he was about to shout an insult, Seb looked back down at his phone. 

Shane continued his walk to work, a black cloud hanging over his head from running into the new farmer. Hopefully he would be a reclusive one, like Robin's emo kid, and he wouldn't have to actually interact with him. 

But Shane had no such luck.

* * *

 

When Shane shuffled into the Saloon later that night, the stranger was there, astride the barstool beside his normal spot. Emily had her eyes closed and his face between her hands, presumably reading his aura. What an odd girl she was… 

“Your… your aura is interesting,” Emily said to Seb, taking her hands away. “It’s pure black sometimes, and brilliant white other times. That’s really weird.” 

“Yeah? Is it a rare aura? I had someone else read me and say the same thing,” Seb replied before taking a long sip of pale ale. Normally people just kinda humored Emily, but Seb looked to be genuinely interested.

“I mean, I’ve never seen it before. But I’ve also lived here all my life.” Emily refilled his ale and waved at Shane as he came in and took up his normal place in the corner. 

Seb turned on his stool to face Shane, who was already looking dejectedly into his mug. “I think I saw you earlier.” 

Shane didn’t reply. He kept his eyes down, staring intently into his beer. He was not feeling like talking today, much less to this guy. 

“I’m Sebastian. Most people just call me Seb. It’s easier to say.” He extended a hand to Shane, who looked up but made no move to shake it. 

“What do you want?” he growled. 

“I mean… a name to put to a face would be nice.” Seb raised an eyebrow, clearly a little surprised by the ill treatment.   


“Shane.” 

“Good to meet you.” 

“Sure. Now fuck off,” Shane snarled before chugging his beer. “And stop staring at me.” 

“I’m not -” 

“Yes you fucking are. You’re looking at me like some sort of scientist looking at a new disease.” Shane looked up to meet Seb’s eyes, hoping he’d pissed him off. He was very good at that, it seemed, and people who didn’t like you tended to avoid you. 

Seb seemed completely unfazed by Shane’s assertions, and finished off his pale ale without so much as a frown.  

“I’m sorry if I offended you. I’ll leave you be.” And with that, the new farmer left.  

 

Shane took a long draught from his beer and sighed. No one in town had apologized for being rude to him in a long time. He was rude to them, they were rude back, and everyone left seething. 

There was something almost comforting about that cycle being broken. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A short chapter. From now on, chapters will be released biweekly, one on Tuesday and one on Thursday. Thanks a bunch for reading!


	6. Snare

Shane ran into the farmer at the bar the next day as well.

As soon as he was in his normal spot, Emily handed him a beer. It was gone in mere seconds.

“Hard day?” Seb asked, looking up from his own drink. There was a journal in front of him, outlining what he was going to plant this season.

“None of your business.” Shane glared at Seb, once again looking for signs that he’d pissed him off, and finding none.

“Emily, get this man a shot of vodka. He looks like he needs it,” Seb called out to Emily, who nodded in agreement.

Shane kept glaring at Seb. “In case you haven’t gotten the memo, you’re supposed to be ignoring me, new guy. Just like everyone else in this town does.”

“You’re not easy to ignore.”

“Try harder, then.”

“Look, do you want the drink or not?” Seb snapped, finally betraying some emotion and meeting Shane’s glare with his own daggers.

“...you’re right, I could use it,” Shane said defeatedly after a minute. “I’m not usually one for the hard stuff. It’s pricey.”

“This one’s my treat.” Seb looked him up and down as Shane downed the shot with barely a flinch. “Need another?”

“I need the whole fifth, if we’re being honest.”

“Mmm. That’s a bit much. But I’ll split a fifth with you,” Seb said, nodding to Emily. She gave Seb a disapproving look, probably judging his enabling of Shane, but took down the bottle of vodka and two shot glasses for them regardless. Seb slid her a wad of cash, saying “Keep the change,” before pouring himself a shot and downing it without flinching as well.

“That’s pretty impressive,” Shane commented, pouring himself another shot.

“What, me taking a shot?”

“Without so much as a grimace.”

“You didn’t grimace.”

“I’ve had my share of practice,” Shane said colorlessly before taking the shot.

“So have I,” said Sebastian with a smirk. “Too much, if we’re being honest.”

“Yeah? Lewis did mention you arrived with a liquor collection.”

“Yeah. But I don’t really want to talk about my demons right now, if you don’t mind. Just want to drink.”

“Same here.”

More shots were poured and drank, and a calm silence fell over the two, broken only by Emily delivering a pizza for Shane.

“Want some?” Shane asked Seb. “I figure I should return the favor somehow.”

“Sure as hell won’t refuse pizza,” Seb chuckled, taking a small slice. Silence fell again between them as the pizza was demolished and more alcohol was consumed. Shane seemed to get friendlier with each shot, but without much chatter, Seb couldn't really back up that thought.

By the time Shane was needing to head home, over half of the bottle was gone.

“Well… thanks for the company, I guess,” Shane murmured as he left, a little unsteady on his feet. “Can I take the rest of the booze?”

“Knock yourself out,” Seb replied, getting off his barstool a little clumsily. “See you later?”

“Probably, if you're here. I’m here every night.”

 

* * *

 

Emily was counting out her tips from the end of the night with a big grin on her face when Gus finished cleaning the tables.

“What’cha smiling about, Em?” Gus asked, wringing out his sanitizer rag.

“I really raked it in tonight,” Em replied cheerfully. “It was mostly Seb. He tipped nearly 50% for a bottle of booze.”

“Yoba, that’s generous.” Gus began wiping down the bar. “He seems to have a lot of money to throw around. Robin was telling me that he had her expand his cottage the moment he got here.”

“That’s the impression I got too,” Emily said as she put the bills away in her wallet. “I wonder what he used to do. Everyone says he worked at JojaCo, but no one knows what exactly he did.”

“You can always ask,” Gus pointed out. “He seems friendly enough.”

“Oh, he’s very nice! He gave me an amethyst today after I mentioned I liked them yesterday. It was a really pretty one.”

“That was very kind of him. Did he say where he found it?”

“He just said the mines. I didn’t realize the mines were still open. Mayor Lewis was debating sealing the entrance last winter.”

“The mines? He doesn’t look like the type to go spelunking into a monster infested hole,” Gus said as he finished wiping down the bar. “But I suppose we shouldn’t judge a book by its cover.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's a lot of alcohol. Also, since this is a short chapter, I'll be posting two today!


	7. Fighting Words

When Shane woke up Wednesday morning, he had a hangover like no other. 

It’d been a long time since he’d consumed that much liquor. Usually his budget only allowed for beer. 

And normally he could power through those hangovers, but this one made it hard to even open his eyes. Everything was too bright. So he reached over to his nightstand for his phone and called his manager, Morris, and left a voicemail explaining he was feeling ill and wouldn't be in today. 

_ Maybe I'll spend the day with Jas,  _ he thought, stumbling out of bed to find some water. 

“Good morning Shane,” a warm voice said from the dining room table as he came out of his room. 

“Morning, Aunt Marnie,” he replied, filling a glass with water and shaking a few ibuprofens out of their bottle. “I'm not working today. Too hungover. Our new farmer knows how to live.” 

He heard Marnie sigh as she ate her breakfast, but she didn't lecture him. 

“I was thinking I could spend some time with Jas, once the headache goes away.” 

“I'm sure she’d love that,” Marnie smiled through a mouthful of eggs. “And you can spend time with Charlie, too.” 

Shane nodded and took the pain pills. “I'll be up in a few hours.”

 

* * *

 

Seb also woke up with a nasty hangover, but at this point he was used to them. 

“I hope Shane made it home,” he said aloud as he dug through his clothes boxes for some underwear. 

Not two minutes after he was dressed, he heard a knock on his door. A glance out the window told him it was Robin. Maybe she was done with his chicken coop?

“Morning Robin,” he said as he opened the door, wincing at the bright sun. Why couldn't it be raining? At least then he wouldn't have to water his crops. “Is the coop all done?”

“Sure is!” she said proudly. “You know where to get chickens, yeah?” 

“Marnie, if I'm remembering correctly.”

“You sure are.” 

Seb smiled. “Well, Robin, thanks a million for doing all this for me. I realize I've kinda put you through the mill.” 

Robin laughed heartily. “I'm not complaining. Made a lot of money this week, between building you things and selling you furniture.”

“Why don't you and Sebastian come over for dinner tonight?” Seb asked, a little nervous. He’d never invited people over for food before. Normally if people were over, they were getting plastered or high. “I have an excellent spaghetti recipe, and I've found the best thanks I can give is with some food.” 

“Oh, wow! I'd love to!” Robin exclaimed. “I'm sure Sebby would like to as well, but I'll let you know.” 

“Awesome. You have my number?” 

“Sure do!” 

“Great.” Seb was grinning from ear to ear. “Well, I'm gonna head to Marnie’s and see what I can get from her. See you tonight!”

 

* * *

 

Shane finally dragged himself out of bed at noon. The hangover was mostly gone, thank Yoba, but a little more water never hurt. 

“Shane, could you do me a favor?” Marnie asked him as soon as he came out of his room. 

“Hmm?” He filled up another glass with water and looked over at his aunt. 

“Seb the farmer came by while you were asleep to purchase some chickens and feed. Could you deliver them to him and check the accommodations he's set up for them?” 

Shane shrugged. “I've got nothing better to do unless Jas is here.”

“She's at school for a few more hours.” 

“Then sure.” 

“Thank you, dear,” Marnie said as she put on shoes to go milk the cows. 

_ How the hell was he functioning that early?  _ Shane silently wondered while pulling on some clothes.  _ He drank just as much as I did. _

 

* * *

 

 

Shane was surprised to find a fresh gravel path leading through the trees from Cindersap Forest to Silver Gully. 

He hadn't been on this land since a few years ago. Every so often he'd come sit on the property’s dock and drink himself into a stupor. It had been overgrown back then, with trees sprouting left and right and knee-high grass. But the grass had been mowed, nearly all the trees had been cleared away, and the riverbank was now home to a small swath of crops. 

He saw the freshly built coop, but didn’t see any sign of Seb. A peek in the garage window showed the Genesis was gone, so he was probably out and about. 

Shane walked up to the farmhouse, initially to leave a note that he’d come back later, but noticed a note pinned to the door. ‘Out running errands. Will return by 1pm.’ 

He glanced at his phone. It was 12:45. 

Guess he was gonna wait. 

There wasn’t any porch furniture, so Shane set the blanket lined cardboard box with the hens down on the stairs and sat beside it. 

“You’ll be in your new home soon,” Shane cooed to the young hens. “Just gotta wait for the farmer to get home.” 

15 minutes later, the Genesis emerged from the trees, with Seb behind the wheel. He stopped the car in front of the porch and rolled the passenger side window down. 

“Fancy seeing you here,” he said, smiling at Shane. He had a nasty looking cut on his cheek, but he didn’t seem to notice. “What’s in the box?” 

“Your chickens,” Shane replied, expressionless. 

“Sweet, give me a minute.” Seb rolled the window back up and the garage door opened for him to pull his car in. 

 

“Had the day off or something?” Seb inquired as he closed the garage door. 

“Not exactly. I haven’t drank that much in a long time, and had the worst hangover of my life when I woke up. So I called off.” Shane looked at his feet and sighed. He couldn’t believe he was actually talking to this asshole. 

“Ah. Sorry about that.” 

“Not your fault.” 

“Kinda was. Maybe if I hadn’t bought an entire bottle to share you would’ve had a more manageable hangover.” 

“Probably.” Shane looked up at Seb. “How are you functional after that?” 

Seb sighed. Shane appeared to have hit on something, though what that was, he had no idea. 

“Shane, where do you work?” 

“Jojamart.” 

“What do you do to combat the soul-sucking?” 

“Drink, mostly.” 

“You’re not alone in that.” 

Shane was shocked. “You worked for Jojamart before coming here?” 

“In a way. I worked for Joja Corporation, not in any of the stores. Still got my badge if you want proof.” 

_ So he IS a product of corporate.  _ Shane felt the disgust boil up in his chest. 

“So, what are you doing here? Get tired of your cushy salary and decided to fall back on some land you inherited because your desk job was too hard?” he snarled. 

Seb’s face was emotionless, but Shane could tell by his silence that he’d struck a nerve. 

“Not exactly. But I doubt you’d care to know the details.”

“Correct.” 

“Fine.” Seb shifted his weight from one foot to another. “But you’re not fucking special, Shane. Regardless of where on the ladder you fall, Joja chews you up and spits you back out when you’re of no more use. Some of us don’t make it out of the rat race alive.” 

Shane was silent. 

“Marnie told me you wanted to look over my coop before handing over the chickens.” 

“Correct.” 

“Go do that, then.” 

“Don’t order me around.” 

“You really want me to hate you, don’t you?” 

“It’s easier that way.” 

“It’s really not.” Seb’s hand moved to his forearm, where his scars were tingling. 

“That’s a bold-faced lie. If everyone hates me, I’m not a burden on them.” 

Seb bit his lip. “I used to think that.” 

“Used to?” 

“Again, I don’t think you care to know the details.” 

“Not really.” 

“Fine then.” Sebastian looked at his nails, which were caked with dirt, then continued in a controlled voice. “Do me a favor and do what you came to do. If you have or want anything else, let me know. I have better things to do than have a pissing contest with you about whose life is harder. Like have some lunch.” 

Shane got up and picked up the blanketed box. “You know, usually people scream those final words at me.” 

“I imagine they do.” And with that, Seb went inside to clean up. 

Shane carried the box with the chickens towards the brand new coop and started looking over it. Seemed pretty solid. There was plenty of nesting material laid out, a rainwater storage tank to keep them watered, no noticeable leaks in the roof, and plenty of room for the hens to walk around, both inside and out. There was a large fenced in area for the new chickens to scratch in and get some sun, too, which surprised him. Normally when city folk raised chickens, they never left their coops. And in Shane’s near-professional opinion, that was no way to live. 

 

Maybe this new farmer wasn’t such a bad guy after all. He at least did his research.

 

After his once over, Shane let the young hens out of their box and into the coop, then headed back to the farmhouse. Sebastian had pulled a wooden chair outside and was eating a sandwich of some sort. His sleeves were rolled up a little, and in the sunlight, Shane caught sight of two pink lines. 

Two slim, vertical lines, one per arm, starting at his wrists and ending somewhere under his sleeves. 

_ Some of us don’t make it out of the rat race alive.  _

Shane pushed that thought out of his mind. He was seeing things. Seb was a functioning guy who was starting a new life because he didn’t think he was cut out for corporate. He was a person blessed with luck and fortune, he had no reason to harm himself. 

“Everything looks good,” Shane called out to Seb, who jumped so hard in surprise he dropped his sandwich. His hands went straight to his sleeves, pulling them back down. “Sorry.” 

“You-you’re fine,” Seb stammered, standing up and folding his arms to his chest. “Any suggestions?” 

“Not really. Left the hens in the coop. 

“Thanks.” Seb knelt down to pick up his now-ruined sandwich. “I assume you’ll be leaving.” 

“That’s the plan.” 

“Well, thanks for delivering the chickens.” 

“You don’t have to do these pleasantries.” 

“You don’t have to be a dick,” Seb countered.    


“That’s what you think.” And with that, Shane left.

 

* * *

 

“Not going out tonight?” Marnie asked Shane as she pulled on a coat. She and Lewis always seemed to be at each other’s houses, and it was her turn to be at his. 

“Nah. If I go out I’ll run into farmer boy,” Shane replied, putting a frozen pizza into the microwave. “I’d rather stay home with Jas.” 

Marnie paused in the doorway. “Why’s running into Seb a bad thing? Is he rude to you?” 

Shane didn’t reply. 

“Alright, I won’t pry,” she murmured. “But it’s not healthy to push everyone away. And he seems to understand you, or can at least keep up.” 

“No one can understand me.” 

Marnie raised her hands in defeat. “Whatever you say. I’ll see you tomorrow morning.” 

Jas crept out of her room as soon as the front door shut. “Uncle Shane?” 

Shane’s face softened at her voice. “Yeah, Jas?” 

“Is Mister Seb a bad man?” 

Shane didn’t reply for a little while, hoping that Jas wouldn’t persist. But she kept staring, waiting for an answer, so he took a deep breath. “No. Mister Seb is a good man. He didn’t seem like it at first to me, but he is.” 

“Why don’t you like him then?” 

Shane sighed. “Because I don’t like anyone that’s anything like me.” 

“How is he like you?” 

“That’s something you’re too young to know, Jas.” 

“But-” 

“No ‘buts,’” Shane cut her off, and she shrunk away. “It’s an adult thing.” 

“Okay. Will you tell me someday?” 

“...maybe. We’ll see.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again for reading, and especially to all of you who have left kudos! I really appreciate it!


	8. The Dock

“That was very good!” Robin smiled as she twirled the last of her spaghetti onto her fork. Sebastian sat next to her, wolfing down his third pepperoni flatbread. “You’re quite the cook.” 

“Glad you think so,” Seb smiled, wiping his mouth. “I don’t measure up to Gus by any means, but I can hold my own.” 

“You should talk to Jodi,” Sebastian said through a mouthful of food. “Don't tell Gus, but I think she makes the best food in the valley.” 

“Is that Sam’s mom? I’m kind of awful with names.” 

Robin nodded. “Woman’s won cooking competitions in Zuzu. She’s a full-time homemaker, so she does a lot of cooking.” 

“Very impressive!” Seb went to put his plate in the dishwasher as Sebastian crammed another pepperoni flatbread down his throat. “Care for some dessert? I’ve got pink cake in the fridge.” 

“I think I’m good,” Robin replied, patting her belly. She had a wistful look in her eyes, as if her mind was already somewhere else. “Any cake, Sebby?” 

“Hell yes,” said Sebastian, swallowing the last of the flatbread. “You can go home if you want to, Mom. I can get home easily.” 

“Are you sure? Seb, are you alright with me leaving?” Robin looked apologetic, but also looked like she was thinking about a project. 

“Of course!” Seb exclaimed. “Don’t worry about my feelings or anything. You don’t have to stay any longer than you want, especially if you’ve got things to do. And I can drive Sebastian home, if he wants.” 

“Alright. Well, have fun you two. I’ll see you at home Sebby.” Robin ruffled Sebastian’s hair, which made him smile, then grabbed her jacket and headed towards the door. 

“Thanks for coming!” Seb yelled as the door closed behind her. Then he turned to Sebastian. “How do you feel about some video games? I’ve been trying to beat Journey of the Prairie King, but I’m not amazing at it.” 

“Me either,” Sebastian replied, putting his plate in the dishwasher and taking a piece of cake. “But two decent players could probably make it through easily enough. Wanna give it a shot?” 

“Sure, after we’re done eating,” Seb said through a mouthful of cake.

 

* * *

 

 

After putting Jas to bed, Shane caught himself thinking about what Seb had said to him earlier that day. 

_ You’re not fucking special, Shane.  _

_ Some of us don’t make it out of the rat race alive.  _

_ You don’t have to be a dick.  _

“I’m a dick for my own good,” Shane muttered out loud. But saying it felt wrong, like he was trying to convince himself of it. 

He said it again, with more conviction. “I’m a dick for my own good.” 

Still felt wrong. 

Again. “I’m a dick for my own good.” 

Nope. Still wrong. 

“Maybe I  _ am _ just trying to convince myself,” he said aloud as he sat down on his bed and took a swig from the vodka Seb had bought him. “God, someone’s actually treating me like a person, and I’m pushing them away. How am I this awful?” 

He took another swig. And another. And another, and many more until the bottle ran out. He was still thirsty, though, and craving some fresh air, so he hauled the case of beer he had in the fridge and headed out to the dock by Marnie’s ranch.

 

* * *

 

“Thanks for the ride home,” Sebastian said with a smile, unbuckling his seatbelt. “I love your car so much.” 

“No problem! And so do I. She’s a beauty,” Seb replied, drumming his fingers on the steering wheel. “You want my number? That way you don’t have to trudge all the way down to Silver Gully if you wanna hang, and I can just pick you up?” 

“That’d be cool.” Sebastian handed over his phone, and Seb made himself a contact. “Sweet. Oh, wanna hang out with me, Sam, and Abigail at the Saloon on Friday? You could watch me destroy Sam at pool.” 

“I’d love to. See you when I look at you.” Seb waved as Sebastian shut the passenger side door and headed inside. 

Seb drove back with the windows down. It was a beautiful night, and fresh air was always nice. 

_ I could go fishing tonight,  _ he mused to himself, throwing the Genesis in neutral to head down the hill.  _ Or maybe just take a walk. I’ve never seen the forest at night.  _

“I think I’ll go on a walk,” he murmured, putting his car back in first as the ground leveled out. “A walk sounds nice.”

 

* * *

 

As Shane downed his fourth beer, he heard footsteps coming his way. 

“Marnie, could you leave me alone? I just needed air,” he called out into the night, crushing the can in his hand.

“It’s not Marnie. But I can go somewhere else if you want me to, I was just taking a walk,” a familiar voice replied. 

_ What in the hell is Seb doing out here this late?  _ Shane wondered.  _ Must be the full moon. _

 

“...actually, I don’t mind you that much.” Shane said after a few minutes of silence. He looked over at Seb, who was standing maybe ten feet away. “Care to join me?” 

“If you want me to.” 

“Come join me.” 

Seb sat down at the edge of the dock, keeping a little distance between himself and Shane. “What brings you out here?” 

“The same thing as always,” Shane replied. “Here, have a cold one. I owe you for the vodka.” 

Seb took the beer Shane offered him. “You really don’t. I was being generous.” 

“And I’m not a charity case.” 

“Fair.” Seb cracked open the beer and chugged it, to the dismay of his liver.

“You’re a man after my own heart, you know that?” Shane said, looking over at Seb with a drunken grin on his face. “Never met someone who could keep up with me.” 

“That’s not necessarily a good thing,” Seb chuckled as Shane handed him another beer. 

The two drank together in silence for a while, listening to the river and the crickets chirping. 

 

Shane broke the silence as clouds moved to cover the moon. 

“Seb, can I ask you something?” 

“Go for it.” 

“Do… do you ever feel like no matter what you do, you’re gonna fail? Like you’re stuck in some miserable abyss and you’re so deep you can’t even see the light of day?” 

“A lot.” Seb finished his fourth beer, and took the next one Shane handed him. 

“I just feel like no matter how hard I try, I’m not strong enough to climb out of that hole, you know?” 

“Yeah…” Seb trailed off, sipping the fifth beer. He wasn’t aiming for another hangover. “I used to feel that way a lot. I haven’t been free of those feelings for very long, but... uh…” His hand moved to his forearm again. 

“You don’t have to go into it if you don’t want to,” Shane assured him. “Hell, this is the most I’ve talked about my problems to anyone.” 

“Yeah?” 

“Yeah.” 

Seb chugged the beer and sighed, fighting to keep the memories of the tub out of his mind. 

“What’cha thinking about?” Shane asked, following suit. 

“Just… life.” Seb rubbed his forearm, a little shaky. “Painful memories.” 

“Want another beer?” 

“Please.” 

 

The two of them stayed out there on the dock for another hour, tossing back beers in silence until the case ran out. 

“You really are a man after my own heart. Did I say that already?” Shane asked, watching Seb finish off his beer. “I can’t remember.” 

“You did.” 

“Maybe you should cut down on that. You’ve at least got a future ahead of you.” 

“If I had a dollar for every time someone has said that to me, I could retire.” 

Shane snorted. “You know it’s true.”

“I do, I do. But consider the following - maybe you should follow your own advice.” 

That got Shane laughing. “Me? Follow my own advice?” He doubled over and nearly fell off the dock as he roared with laughter. “God, Seb, that’s a good joke. I’m so beyond saving it’s not even funny. You? You’re starting with a clean slate. That farm is gonna be awesome under your care.” 

“If you say so.” Seb crushed the can in his hand and stood up. “I’ve gotta head back. My liver hates me right now. Two heavy nights in a row is a bad idea.” 

“Mine too.” Shane stood up and picked up the case, now filled with empty cans. “I’ll see you around?” 

“Of course,” Seb said as he unsteadily strode off. “Take it easy.” 

Shane watched Seb head north into the trees toward Silver Gully, faintly grinning at his new drinking buddy. 

 

“You know, Seb, you’re really not as bad as I thought you were,” he said quietly, and stumbled off towards the ranch.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heart event territory! 
> 
> Also keeping the two Sebastians distinct from each other is more difficult than you'd think. 
> 
> Thanks again to all of you who have left kudos and bookmarked the series! I love and appreciate all of you <3


	9. Eggs

Seb woke up the next Saturday morning to a letter from Shane in his mailbox. 

Inside were two recipes clipped from a magazine, and a note: 

 

_ Hey.  _

_ I found these recipes in a magazine and thought they sounded interesting. Feel free to give me a taste if you make ‘em. Hehe.  _

_ Thanks for hanging out at the saloon with me all this week. It’s nice having someone to sit with that doesn’t get on my nerves too much. _

_ -Shane _

 

One of the recipes was for pepper poppers. Simple enough. He’d have to make those once summer rolled around in a few weeks. The other was for something called a “strange bun.” 

“What in the hell is void mayonnaise…?” Seb muttered while looking at the ingredients list for the bun. “Whatever. I’ll file these in the recipe binder and thank him the next time I see him.” He folded the recipes and put them in his back pocket, then filled his watering can from the well and headed out into the growing field of kale, cauliflower, and potatoes. All those crops needed to be watered before he could go to the Egg Festival in Pelican Town.

* * *

 

“You know, maybe I should apologize to Seb,” Shane said to Marnie that same Saturday morning while they ate breakfast. “I’ve been kind of an ass to him while he’s been nothing but kind.” 

Marnie squinted across the table at Shane. “Epiphanies aren’t normal for you. Did something happen?” 

Shane looked out the window. “We’ve been drinking together all week. People tend to be friendlier when they’re drunk.” 

“Is ‘people’ referring to yourself, or Seb?” 

Shane didn’t reply and took a sudden interest in his eggs. 

“Alright,” Marnie sighed. “Again, I won’t pry. I just hope he’s not a bad influence on you… Lewis was telling me -” 

“-that Seb moved here with an alcohol collection to rival the Saloon’s,” Shane finished, taking a bite of toast. “I heard the same thing, too. I don’t know firsthand if there’s any truth to that rumor.” 

“All rumors have some basis in truth, however twisted around they get,” Marnie chuckled. “But by all means, right your wrongs before he forgets how to forgive.” 

“That’s the plan.” Shane stood up and put his plate in the sink. “I’m gonna head to the Egg Festival. Maybe he’ll be there. See you there.” 

* * *

 

“...and the winner of this year’s egg hunt is… Abigail!” 

There was a polite smattering of applause, and Abigail pumped her fist, a collection of eggs as bright as her hair in her other arm. 

 

There had yet to be a year in Shane’s memory where Abigail didn’t win the egg hunt. She was fiercely competitive about it, and had longer legs than Vincent and Jas, letting her run at nearly double their sprinting speed. 

“Well, that concludes this year’s egg festival! Thanks for coming, everyone!” Mayor Lewis said cheerfully. With that, the crowd dispersed, humming with happy chatter. A few people started moving towards the saloon, a few too many for Shane’s liking. He was about to head home to the ranch when he felt a gentle tap on his shoulder. 

“Hey,” Seb said expressionlessly, glancing around at the crowd. “That really was something, wasn’t it?” 

“I guess,” Shane shrugged. “I didn’t see you anywhere during the festival. Did you just show up?” 

“No, I’ve been here the whole time. I just kept getting swept off to talk to other people. Everyone wants to know how the farming life’s treating me. Alex and Haley cornered me and wouldn’t stop grilling me about living in Zuzu. Then Abigail dragged me over to Sebastian and Sam and they debated what color they should dye my hair.” Seb looked exhausted, like the attention had been too much for him. 

Shane didn’t reply. The few people who had been lingering began headed home, leaving Shane and Seb alone in the town square. 

“Oh, I’ve been meaning to tell you. Thanks for those recipes you sent.” Seb ventured, trying to break the silence that had fallen between them. 

“No problem.” Shane smiled a tiny bit. An awkward silence fell between the two of them again. 

Seb shifted his weight from one foot to the other, trying to find something, anything, to break the silence. 

“Could you walk with me for a bit?” Shane suddenly asked. “Is that too forward? That was too forward.” 

“Nah. Where?” Seb didn’t seem weirded out, but he was very good at holding his emotions at bay. 

“Just to Marnie’s. That’s where I live. ” 

“Oh? I didn’t know that. Sure, I’ll walk with you.” 

“Yeah, I’m renting a room from Marnie at a really good price.” Shane glanced at Seb, then looked up at the sky and continued. “It’s small, but I can’t complain.” 

“Are the two of you related?” Seb inquired as they headed into the forest. A light breeze ruffled his hair. “It seems like you’re related.” 

Shane nodded. “Marnie’s my aunt. She’s the last of my family that hasn’t told me to go fuck myself.” 

“She’s a good woman.” 

“Sure is.” 

Another awkward silence fell between them. Every so often a breeze would come along, and Shane would catch the scent of flowers. 

_ Spring’s really in full swing this season,  _ he thought to himself as he and Seb walked silently along the woods path towards Marnie’s ranch. He took a deep breath. 

“Seb?” 

“Hmm?” Seb started as if he was coming out of a trance, and looked over at Shane. 

“I’m sorry for being such a dick to you.” 

“It’s fine.” 

“I get it if you don’t forg- wait, what?” 

“It’s fine,” Seb repeated, a faint smile on his face. 

Shane stopped walking. “Is it really fine, or are you just saying that to make me feel better but in reality you secretly hate me?” 

Sebastian tilted his head to the left in confusion. “...where did you come up with that explanation?” 

“I… I don’t know,” Shane muttered, hanging his head in shame. “God, I can’t even accept forgiveness when it’s right in front of my face.” 

“Shane, don’t beat yourself up-” 

“I’ll beat myself up about my flaws as much as it fucking pleases me to,” Shane’s head snapped up again and he glared at Seb. “Stop telling me what to do.” 

Seb took a step back and raised his hands in surrender. “Alright, alright. You do you, bud.” 

“I’m not your bud. We’re not friends, okay? Can you stop acting like we are?” 

“Okay. I’m sorry if I was presumptuous about our relationship.” Seb took another step back. “Do you want me to keep walking with you, or would you rather be alone?” 

“The second option,” Shane growled. 

“Alright. I’ll leave then.” Seb turned on his heel and power walked on towards Silver Gully, leaving Shane in the darkness of the forest.

 

_ You’ve done it again,  _ a little voice in Shane’s head giggled as he watched Seb storm off.  _ He’s not going to forgive you after that. Why are you such a horrible person?  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little bit of anxious snapping from Shane, and a lot a bit of self-loathing that'll end pretty poorly.


	10. Peace Offerings

As soon as his crops were watered and his two chickens were fed and petted, Seb set off towards Marnie’s ranch on Sunday with an insulated, paisley-patterned black lunchbox full of fresh pizza rolls, a travel-size bottle of his favorite strawberry liqueur, and a hastily scribbled apology note. He also took along his three-quarters-empty watering can to balance out the weight. He doubted Shane worked on Sundays, and he had an apology to make. It was around noon.

But when no one answered the door after he knocked multiple times, he knew something was up.

Seb tried the door. It was unlocked, so he pushed his way in to find Marnie banging on a closed door. “Shane, are you awake? I’m coming in.” Jas was sitting at the kitchen table, a small novel open in front of her. She glanced over at the entryway, regarded Seb with wide, confused eyes, then looked at what was presumably Shane’s room as Marnie opened the door.

A worried murmur from Shane’s room. “Oh dear…”

Seb looked at Jas, who looked back in terror.

 _No emotions,_ Seb told himself. _Don’t worry her. She doesn’t need to worry._ After setting down his watering can and taking a deep breath, he walked into Shane’s room.

It was a wreck in there. A pile of dirty Jojamart uniforms sat in one corner, and beer cans scattered the floor. And in the middle of all those cans, passed out on the rug, was Shane. Marnie was kneeling beside him, but got up when she saw Seb come in.

“Seb… could you do something? He’s out cold.” Her voice was hushed, as if trying not to alert Jas that something was wrong.

Seb looked from Shane, to her, and back to Shane, who quietly groaned. He set the lunchbox on Shane’s nightstand and retrieved his watering can. Marnie squinted at him incredulously, silently asking why he had his watering can with him. He shrugged.

“Here goes nothing,” he murmured, and started emptying the watering can directly onto Shane’s face.

As soon as the water hit his nose, Shane’s eyes snapped open and he breathed in suddenly, inhaling a solid amount of water.

“Augh… _cough cough cough…_ Yoba’s grace… _cough…_ gahahaha...what the hell...” he sputtered, coughing like a TB patient as he hauled himself up. Seb stepped back, clutching his watering can with both hands as he tried to keep his expression neutral. When he caught sight of Seb, Shane’s face contorted with anger, and he opened his mouth to hurl an insult.

“Shane! What is the matter with you?!” Marnie borderline shouted, interrupting his wind-up. He froze, and all the anger melted away from his face. “All you do anymore is mope around your room and drink beer!”

Out of the corner of his eye, Seb saw Jas peer into the doorway.

 _Oh god, she’s going to see all of this,_ Seb thought sadly, fighting down his emotions as best he could.

Shane turned away from Marnie and clenched his fists.

“You wouldn’t understand…” he growled, his breathing heavy.

Jas crept forward into the room, and try as he might, Seb couldn’t get the message across to her that she needed to leave.

“I’m worried about you, Shane,” Marnie said, her voice wavering. “What’s your plan? Don’t you ever think about the future?”

“...plan?” Shane turned to look towards the window in his room. He breathed in sharply, then said, “Hopefully I won’t be around long enough to need any sort of plan…”

The empty watering can fell as Seb’s hands went straight to his forearms. Marnie opened her mouth to retort, but Jas’ gasp made it out first.

“No…” she whisper screamed before she bolted from the room, sobbing in earnest. Marnie looked at Seb, panic written all over her face, then jogged after Jas, calling for her to come back and not to cry.

Shane seemed to come crashing down to earth when Jas started crying, and he turned just in time to see her run out of the room.

“Jas…” he called out, his voice cracking. Her sobs echoed through the house, drowning out Marnie’s attempts to comfort her. “I’m sorry…”

Shane fell to his knees and his hands shot up to his head, eyes closed, shaking with anger and grief.

“Shane-” Seb started, but Shane cut him off.

“Get out.”

“But-”

“Get. Out.” Shane’s eyes snapped open, and his hands dropped from his head. He glared at Seb with more rage than he’d ever felt before. He gritted his teeth together. “Or I’ll throw you out.”

Seb blinked, picked up his watering can, and left the room, closing the door behind him. As soon as the door clicked shut, the tears started flowing from both of them.

 _I thought I was getting through to him…_ Seb lamented as he walked out of the ranch, blinded by the tears welling up in his eyes. _I thought we could be friends...._

 _Of all the people to witness that, it had to be him!_ Shane mentally screamed as silent sobs wracked his body. _It couldn’t have been someone like Emily. It had to be the new guy in town who rubs his forearms when he’s upset._

* * *

 

Shane stayed there on the floor of his room until the sun went down, silently sobbing and pulling his hair. As the last bits of light fell below the horizon, he felt himself calming down and being overtaken by fatigue.

 _Why can’t I have just one good weekend?_ Shane wondered silently. _Why does all the bad shit have to happen to me? And why does HE get to witness it all like some sort of twisted soap opera?_

Shane picked himself up from the floor and turned on the light in his room. Maybe a little bit of gaming would ease his mind.

_Hang on… What’s that on the nightstand?_

Shane made his way over to examine the patterned black lunchbox.

 _That wasn’t in here last night… what the hell is it doing here?_ Shane wondered silently, picking up the lunchbox and unzipping it.

He peered into the lunchbox, and the first thing that hit him was the smell of pizza rolls. There was a partially open tupperware container crammed full of them, as well as a small bottle of some sort of alcohol and a note addressed to him.

A chill of realization went down Shane’s spine.

_He was here to deliver a gift…_

He took the note out of the lunchbox, sat down on his bed, and quietly read the note out loud:

 

_“Hi Shane,_

_I’m really, really sorry for pushing my company onto you. I should’ve listened to your multiple pleas to leave you alone. But I didn’t because I thought you needed a friend._

_I won’t make any more advances towards you. I’ll leave you alone and stop pretending that we’re friends just because we got drunk together a few times. If that’s what you want, I’m happy to give that to you._

_But if you ever decide you need a shoulder to cry on, I’ll be here for you. I mean that with all my heart. Whether or not I’ve suffered as much as you have, I’ve still suffered. I had no one to lean on for a long time, no one except the bottle and my car to keep me company. You don’t have to be alone, no matter what your failings may be._

_I’ve enclosed some pizza rolls and some of my favorite liquor as a peace offering. I would have made you pizza, but that’s a little hard to cram into a lunchbox. So here’s something close. And I hope you like the drink. It’s a lot sweeter than beer, but sometimes a little sweetness can be a welcome taste._

_Also, here’s my number. Call if you ever want to talk but don’t feel like trekking through the woods._

_-Seb”_

 

And with that, the tears started flowing down Shane’s cheeks again. His grip tightened on the note, tearing it slightly.

“Is this what it’s like?” he whispered, still looking down at the note. “Is this what it’s like to have a real friend?”

He was going to have to apologize again. And not fuck it up this time.

Shane first uncapped the liquor bottle and drained it, letting the taste of fermented apples wash over him. Then he pulled out his phone and keyed in Seb’s number. Maybe a text would keep him from overthinking things. It was past midnight by now, so Seb wouldn’t see it until morning, but it was worth a try.

* * *

 

Just as Seb was about to drift off to sleep, his phone buzzed. He jumped a little and grabbed his phone to find a text from an unknown number. A rather long text.

 

_‘Hi Seb,_

_I found the lunchbox you left here. And read the note you wrote. And I wanted to say sorry (again) for treating you so poorly. You don’t deserve to be treated like that. You were just trying to help._

_I don’t want you to stop trying to be friends. Not at all. I’m really sorry I said that. I just… I’m not used to being cared about, you know? And I’m not great with emotions in general, so I just… yeah._

_I’m sorry.’_

 

Seb’s hands were shaking. He actually reached out. Seb had been bracing himself to forever skirt around Shane, to keep to the other side of the square during festivals, and to never show up to the saloon ever again.

He added Shane’s number to his contacts, then typed up a reply.

_‘Hey Shane. It’s okay. I promise. I understand enough to not stay angry at you.’_

He hesitated for a moment, then hit send.

Shane responded almost immediately.

‘ _I didn’t expect you to be awake.’_

‘ _I was about to drift off when my phone buzzed._ ’

‘ _God, I’m sorry. I just keep fucking up everything for you._ ’

‘ _It’s not a big deal, man. Most days I don’t go to bed until 1 or 2 in the morning. It’s just… been a stressful day.’_

‘ _It’s my fault. I’m burdening you with all my issues.’_

‘ _Maybe, but I’m more than willing to bear that burden.’_

‘ _Really? Cuz it’s a lot. You should know what you’re getting into.’_

‘ _Absolutely. I swear on Yoba’s grace that I understand, at least to some degree, what I’m getting into.’_

‘ _Promises mean nothing when you swear on something that doesn’t exist._ ’

 

Seb snorted and rolled his eyes at the sass before replying.

 

_‘I didn’t know you were an atheist.’_

‘ _I never told you?’_

‘ _Nope, never.’_

‘ _...well, now you know.’_

 

Another message closely followed.

 

‘ _Could I ask you for a favor?’_

‘ _Hit me.’_

 

It was a few more minutes before Shane replied.

 

‘ _Could I come over for a little while? Marnie and Jas aren’t talking to me and for once, I can’t stand being alone.’_

 

Seb didn’t even hesitate with his reply.

 

‘ _Yeah, you can stay here for a while. I’ll put some clothes on. There are a few braziers by my house, just follow the light.’_

‘ _Thanks, Seb. I’ll be over in a bit.’_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late update! I'm finally employed again and work has been taking up my time. Will be returning to the usual upload schedule next week.


	11. Pizza

Seb was pulling his tattered Bucknuts hoodie on over his head when he heard a soft knock on the door.

“It’s unlocked,” he called out, making sure the sleeves were covering his forearms.

Shane slowly opened the door, eyes trained on the ground.

“Hi Shane,” Seb ventured carefully, hugging himself. “Welcome to my… uh… humble abode, I guess.”

“Thanks for letting me come over,” Shane croaked. His eyes were bloodshot from crying, and he was shaking a little. “I… I really appreciate it.”

“No problem.” Seb moved a little closer to him. “From now on, you’re always welcome to come over.”

Shane drew a long, shaky breath. “Could I sit down? It’s a long walk.”

Seb nodded, and gently led Shane by the shoulder to the couch. “Can I get you anything? You’re pale as a ghost.”

“I haven’t eaten anything today other than the pizza rolls,” Shane admitted as he sat down, eyes still trained on the ground.

“Doing better than I am,” Seb chuckled weakly as he sat down at the other end of the couch. “I could cook us something. Or there’s cake in the fridge, if you don’t want anything substantial.”

“Could we do both?”

“Sure.” Seb stood up and headed to the kitchen. “Want anything in particular?”

“Maybe a pizza, if you’ve got any frozen ones.”

“I don’t,” Seb admitted. “But I know how to make a pizza from scratch.”

“Yeah?” Shane finally looked up. “Could we do that if I help you?”

“You don’t have to help me if you don’t want to.”

“I don’t want to just sit here and mope while you do all the work,” Shane grumbled. He stood up and headed towards the kitchen as well. “I’m not a great cook, but I can at least help.”

“Fair enough.” Seb opened a few cabinets and gathered flour, sugar, olive oil, and a packet of yeast. “Could you get the cheese from the fridge? I don’t have any pepperoni on hand, but there’s some spicy sausage, bacon, and ham in there.”

Shane nodded and pulled a pound bag of shredded mozzarella, half a package of bacon, a tube of sausage, and a tupperware container with a few hunks of ham in it out of the fridge. A sheet of foil that didn't appear to be covering anything caught his eye, but he figured now wasn't the time to ask. Seb got his food processor out of a lower cabinet and measured out four cups of bread flour, a teaspoon of sugar, and a few healthy pinches of coarse salt into the processing container. He also dumped a packet of yeast into the container and started pulsing the processor.

“Do you just have a recipe in your head?”

“Yup. I’ve made my own pizza too many times to count.”

“Why did you put sugar in there?”

“Because yeast likes it. It’ll speed up the fermentation process. Here, hold down this button while I add the liquids.”

Shane moved over and held down the “Run” button while Seb measured out a cup of hot water. Then he slowly poured the steaming water into the container through a spout in the top.

“Just keep holding it down?”

Seb nodded and kept pouring. So Shane kept holding the button.

“Alright, you can stop,” Seb said after a few minutes of processing. A shaggy dough had formed in the food processor’s container. “Could you cut the bacon and ham up into smaller bits? There’s a few knives over there.” He pointed at a magnetic strip on the wall a few feet behind Shane.

“Uh… which knife do I use?” Shane asked, an anxious edge to his voice. _Fuck me,_ _I’m about to get judged for not knowing which knife is for what..._

“The big one that isn’t serrated,” Seb replied without missing a beat. “That’s a chef’s knife. It’s your general purpose knife. The serrated knife is for things like bread. The little one is a paring knife. I mostly use it to peel things.”

“Okay,” Shane muttered. “Today I learned.”

“I worked in a restaurant for four years to pay for college. I would go as far as saying I know a lot about cooking.”

“You went to college?”

“You seem surprised.” Seb rolled up his sleeves, sprinkled some flour onto the counter, then scooped the dough out of the food processor and started kneading it.

“I suppose I shouldn’t be. But I don’t know a whole lot about you,” Shane said as he took the chef’s knife off the magnetic strip and examined it. “Why is the metal all rippily?”

“It’s Damascus steel.”

“Come again?”

“It’s just what the metal’s called. Two different types of steel that had different colors got melded together and turned into the knife blade.”

“That’s pretty cool.” Shane moved to the counter and started to unpackage the bacon.

“Oh, this is important,” Seb murmured, pausing his kneading for a moment to dig around in a lower cabinet. He pulled out a cutting board and handed it to Shane. “Don’t cut things on the counter, you’ll dull the knife.”

“Why such a big cutting board?” Shane inquired, clumsily taking the cutting board and setting it down on the counter.

“It’s easier to cut stuff up when you don’t have to worry about your work surface shifting around all the time,” Seb replied matter-of-factly as he finished kneading. He measured out a little olive oil into a bowl, then took his finger and rubbed it all over the inside of the bowl. Then he plopped the now-smooth ball of dough into the oiled bowl and stretched some plastic wrap over the top. “Hmmm… where’s a warm place…”

“Maybe near the edge of the stove? Marnie’s stove tends to get warm whenever the oven’s on,” Shane suggested while cutting up the bacon.

“Ooo. Good idea. We need to brown the sausage, too, so that’s perfect.” Seb grinned at Shane, who quickly looked down at the cutting board as a tiny bit of color tinged his cheeks.

Was… was he blushing?

Seb couldn’t tell in the low light without actively staring, so he pushed the thought from his mind. They were barely friends, why would Shane be blushing?

 

Meanwhile, Shane was struggling to stay focused on the meat.

For some reason he kept thinking back to the day he’d delivered the chickens, and how Seb’s sleeves were rolled up then. And how two long, pink scars graced his forearms.

Shane wanted more than anything to see if he had been imagining things. But he knew if he had some awful scars, he wouldn’t want people ogling at them.

But at the same time, he couldn’t shake the feeling that those pink lines were related to what Seb had written in the note. How he had suffered too, and how he’d been alone.

Shane blinked hard. _Think about that later. Cut meat now._

As Seb poured the sausage into a cast iron skillet and set the oven to 425 degrees, Shane noticed him humming a tune. A very familiar tune.

Shane’s head filled in the lyrics as Seb hummed.

 

_“Once upon a time, in a land far away_

_There lived a little boy, and he drank all day_

_Friends called him stupid and his brothers called him gay_

_Emptied all the bottles til the pain went away…_

 

_Whiskey was his friend, he didn’t have another…_

_Vicodin his vice, his real and only lover…_

_Smoked a pack or two, it never was a problem…_

_Popped a pill or two, they really made him blossom._

 

_Yup._

 

_Take a sip, take a sip, take a sip, take a sip._

_And I trip, and I trip, and I trip, and I trip._

_And I’m like_

_Run your bitch, run your bitch, run your bitch…_

 

“Counterfeit, hypocrite, holy shit,” Shane said aloud without meaning to.

Seb froze.

“Uh… sorry…” Shane focused again on chopping up the remaining meat.

“I didn’t know you knew that song.” Seb gave him a sideways glance.

“I know it pretty well,” Shane chuckled. “It’s a song about me, after all. Just without the pills and cigarettes.”

“Yeah, just switch vicodin for molly and a pack for a joint and you have my goddamn life story,” Seb sighed, moving the sausage around in the pan with a spatula. He seemed absorbed in his own thoughts for the moment, and his sleeves were still rolled up…

Shane stole a glance at Seb’s forearms. And sure enough, he hadn’t been hallucinating. Both were marked by long, thin scars that went up to around his elbows.

“I don’t imagine you’re in the mood to hear my life story, though.”

Shane hesitated for a moment, then shook his head. “I just want pizza.”

“I feel it.” Seb turned off the burner and set the bowl of dough on the adjacent burner. “Welp, now we have to wait for an hour. Wanna do anything specific, or nah?”

“Do you want an honest answer?”

“Always.”

“I want to sample your liquor collection.”

Seb felt the corner of his mouth curl up a bit. “We can do that. You should probably call off tomorrow in advance if we’re gonna go through the whole shebang, though.”

 

* * *

 

“You think the dough’s risen enough yet?” Shane asked as Seb poured him an ounce of strawberry schnapps.

“Probably,” Seb lifted himself up from the couch and made his way over to the bowl. The dough had doubled in size. “Yeah, it’s ready.”

“Awesome.” Shane stood up dramatically, nearly spilling his drink, and borderline danced into the kitchen. “Now what?”

“Now we roll it out and toss it.” Seb glanced at Shane, who was gently swaying back and forth, schnapps in hand. “Drink what you’ve got in your hand and I’ll show you how to toss the dough.

“M’kay.” Shane tossed back the drink. “Ooooh, I like that. Sour, but also sweet.”

“Yeah, that strawberry DeKuyper is my favorite of all my liquors. It’s not the most expensive of all of them, but I love it.” Seb floured the countertop again and turned the dough out onto the surface to roll it out. “They also make good triple sec, but I don’t do a lot of mixed stuff.”

Shane rested his arm on Seb’s shoulder. “I could get used to drinking this all the time instead of beer.”

“I mean, it’ll get you drunk a hell of a lot faster,” Seb laughed. “I don’t think Gus stocks it, sadly. Here, watch this.”

Shane took a step back so Seb could toss the dough draped over his hands. Seb nearly dropped it, catching it by the very edges before it fell to the floor. 

“Hooo boy, I should not be doing this tipsy,” Seb giggled, trying again.

Maybe it was just the alcohol tinting everything rose, but something about watching Seb’s clumsy attempts to throw pizza dough made Shane grin like an idiot.

Seb set the now-stretched pizza dough down on the counter and looked up at Shane’s smiling face. “I haven’t seen you this happy before.”

Shane blinked slowly, still smiling. “I like watching you cook. It’s calming.”

Now Seb was grinning like an idiot. “Thanks, bud. Can I call you that?”

“Sure thing, bud.”

Seb’s smile grew a little bit. “Alright, now we top it. Hand me the cheese.”

“Can we keep sampling after the pizza’s in the oven?” Shane asked as he opened the bag full of cheese and handed it over.

“If you want.” Seb sprinkled an unhealthy amount of cheese onto the dough, then handed the bag back to Shane. “Put as much meat on there as you want. I got my helping of cheese.”

“Extra cheese is the only way to eat a pizza,” Shane said matter-of-factly, throwing an extra handful of cheese on top of the already-thick layer on the dough. “Now we do meats. Then we try more drinks.”

“Sounds good to me,” Seb chuckled. “We shouldn’t drink too much more until the pizza’s done though. Otherwise we might burn my house down.”

“Hmm. Fair.” Shane scattered the entire pan of sausage onto the pizza, as well as all of the bacon and ham he’d diced. “There. Looks good to me.”

“Agreed.” Seb grinned as he slid a pizza peel under the heaping marvel of carbs and fat on the counter and put it all in the oven, on top of a big ol’ stone. “Now let’s get to sampling again, shall we?” 

 

* * *

 

 

“We really need to not drink as much,” Seb laughed as he poured him and Shane two shots of Grey Goose. “One day we’re gonna end up in Harvey’s clinic with alcohol poisoning.

“Honestly, it’s a miracle we’re not there right now,” Shane giggled, taking the shot. “I’ve never had top shelf vodka before.”

“Don’t get used to it.” Seb took his shot as well, then leaned back in the armchair he was in to look at Shane. “It’s not cheap, and I don’t make as much money as I used to.”

“I mean, isn’t the price why it’s called top shelf?” Shane was laid out on the couch, holding his shot glass in the air.

“Fair enough. That was the last thing to try.” Seb stood up unsteadily and snatched the shot glass from Shane’s loose grip. “I think it’s time to cut us off.”

“Probably a good course of action,” Shane said, a faint whimsical tone in his voice. He was a completely different person under the influence, especially after 17 full shots total from 30 bottles of liquor. “I’m glad you had the foresight to do half shots.”

“I’ve done this before,” Seb chuckled, rinsing out the shot glasses. “A few too many times. It’s cheaper than going to bars.”

A few moments later, the oven started beeping.

“Pizza’s done!” Shane said excitedly, trying to get himself off the couch and instead falling onto the floor. “Ow.”

“You alright?” Seb stumbled over to Shane, but Shane waved him away.

“I’m good, I can get up,” he grumbled, hauling himself up by the coffee table. “Pizza!”

“Fuck yeah, baby,” Seb sang as he got the pizza out of the oven. It was by far the heaviest pizza he’d ever pulled out, and he nearly lost his grip on the peel a few inches from the counter.

“You’re really good at almost dropping things,” Shane remarked, resting his elbow on Seb’s shoulder. “God, that looks like something straight out of a wet dream.”

“I had no idea you fucked your pizzas.”

“Not usually. But this one…”

Seb and Shane burst out laughing and had to lean on each other to stay upright.

“You’re not so bad, Seb.”

“What, did you think I was?”

“God, yes. I thought you were gonna be a huge douche. You’re really not too bad.” Shane put his hands on Seb’s shoulders and grinned.

“I could stand to drink less.”

“Yeah, well, so could I. Let’s fuckin’ eat this monster.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This recipe is an actual pizza recipe that I use quite a bit. Though I usually don't make it while drunk. 
> 
> Also, the referenced song is Everybody Gets High by Missio. 
> 
> And also, the Bucknuts are a gridball team based on the Ohio State Buckeyes. More on that in subsequent chapters...
> 
> Also for the love of god, do not drink this much. It's a solid way to get alcohol poisoning if you're bodyweight and tolerance isn't through the roof. 
> 
> Thanks for reading, the kudos, and the bookmarks! =)


	12. A Visit from Marnie

For as much as he drank, Shane’s hangover wasn’t as bad as he’d expected.

His throat felt like a desert, but he could at least look out the window without feeling like he was going to die. Seb had been right about drinking as much water as possible. 

Nonetheless, calling off in advance had been an excellent decision. Shane's muscles ached as he hauled himself off the couch. 

According to the clock on the wall, it was 10 in the morning, and there was a plate of eggs, toast, and sausage on the table, with a glass of orange juice and a note beside it. 

_ Seb’s really fond of leaving notes,  _ Shane thought to himself. 

 

_ “Hey Shane,  _

_ You were sleeping like a boulder so I made you some breakfast. Wasn’t sure if you liked coffee, so I just went with juice.  _

_ There’s cake in the fridge too, since we didn’t get to that last night. _

_ I’ll be out doing farm work for a while.”  _

 

Without a moment of hesitation, Shane started scarfing down his breakfast. The two of them had destroyed the monster pizza last night, but somehow that was all gone from his belly. 

Shane rinsed his plate and put it in the dishwasher, then glanced out the window. Sure enough, Seb was outside, cutting down mature swaths of kale with a scythe. There was also a basket of parsnips by the gate to the field. 

For someone who had just moved here from the biggest city in a hundred miles, Seb was really getting the hang of this whole farming thing. 

And for once, Shane didn’t feel any disgust or anger well up when he looked at Seb. He was just a normal guy under all those fanciful feathers. As normal as someone could be after a suicide attempt, at least. 

Shane headed outside and leaned against the stone fence that surrounded the crops. It was an overcast day, thank Yoba. Sunlight and hangovers do not mix well. 

“That’s a lot of kale,” Shane called out to Seb, resting his elbows on the top of the fence. 

“Sure is,” Seb replied from across the field. “It sells for a lot both in Zuzu and Pelican Town. Dunno why people are so obsessed with it. Tastes like rubber to me.” 

Shane shrugged. “Do you want any help? Kinda got the whole day ahead of me.” 

“Yeah, actually, if you could check on Cesium and Mocha and collect their eggs and change their old nesting material that would be great. There’s a jar of raisins and sunflower seeds on a shelf inside if you want to give them some treats.”

“Those are some weird names for chickens,” Shane murmured before heading towards the house to grab the raisins. 

The two hens, one white and one brown, were outside in their fenced area, pecking around for seeds. There were a few flower pots full of blue jazz set up within the fence, probably for the chickens to snack on. They looked happy and healthy, and perked up when Shane opened the fence gate. 

“Hey little girls,” he cooed, popping open the jar of treats and giving them a healthy sprinkle of raisins and sunflower seeds. They sprinted over to their treats, clucking happily as Shane gently scratched their heads. “Seb’s treating you well, huh? You look so happy!” 

Shane went and gathered their two eggs for the day, then sat down in their pen. Both of the hens came over and sat in front of him, and he fed them sunflower seeds one by one. 

“I take it you really like chickens.” 

Shane had been so focused on the hens that he hadn’t even noticed Seb come up to the fence. 

“Yeah, I do.” Shane picked up the brown hen and set her in his lap. “Which one’s which?” 

“The white lady is Cesium.” Seb pointed to the white chicken. “You’re holding Mocha.” 

“They seem really healthy. And the pots of jazz are a great idea to diversify their diet.” Shane set Mocha back on the ground, and Cesium started pecking and scratching at his leg. “What do you want, little girl?” 

“Cesium’s the needy one,” Seb said, smiling. “Always wants to be hugged and cuddled and treated. Mocha likes attention too, but not as much as Cesium.”    


Shane stood and picked up Cesium. She immediately calmed down as soon as he had an arm around her. He turned to Seb. “I had my doubts about you, but anyone who treats chickens this well is a good guy.” 

A little color flushed into Seb’s cheeks. “I’m just doing what makes them happy. It’s nice to know I’m doing something right.” 

Cesium started squirming, so Shane set her down. “You be a good girl now, Cesium.” He glanced over at Seb. “Need any more help?” 

“Not really. Everything’s pretty much done for the day.” 

“Should I head home, then?” 

“Not if you don’t want to.” 

“No? I figured you’d be sick of me by now.” Shane let himself out of the pen and went to stand by Seb. 

“I’ll let you know when I’m sick of you.” Seb pushed off against the fence and started back towards his house, smiling faintly. “Wanna have some lunch?” 

“You won’t find me refusing good food,” Shane replied, jogging after him. 

* * *

 

They were just sitting down for lunch - lasagna, roasted broccoli, and potato wedges - when someone knocked on the door. 

Seb glanced through the curtains before going to unlock the door. “What’s Marnie doing here?” 

“Fuck,” Shane muttered. “She’s probably looking for me. I didn’t really tell anyone where I was going last night.” 

“Should I tell her you’re here?” 

“I don’t really care.” Shane took a long drink of his ice water. “She’s my aunt, not my mother.” 

“Alrighty.” Seb unlocked the door and peered outside. “Hey Marnie! What brings you out here?” 

“I… well, I was looking for Shane.” Marnie wrung her hands. “He disappeared last night after all that shouting, and Emily hasn't seen him, and you're one of the only other people that's sort of close to him, so… I thought you might have an idea of where he is?” 

“He’s here, actually.” Seb pointed behind him with his thumb. “We were just about to have lunch.” 

“Ah,” Marnie sighed. “Well, I wouldn’t want to intrude on that… I’m sure he doesn’t want to see me right now.” 

“I really don’t care,” Shane called out from behind Sebastian. “Just… please don’t stay too long.” 

“I won’t,” Marnie assured him. “May I?” 

Seb stepped back and gestured towards Shane at the dining room table. “Be my guest. Want me to give you two some privacy?” 

Marnie opened her mouth to answer, but Shane cut her off. 

“No. I want you here for this.” 

Seb nodded and kept his place near the door, just in case he would have to intervene. 

Marnie sat down at the dining table, across from Shane. “Shane… I’m sorry for what I said yesterday. I wasn’t myself.” 

Shane stared at Marnie, but didn’t reply, so she continued. 

“I just hope… well… I hope you didn’t mean it when you said you weren’t going to be around for very long…” Marnie was shaking at the thought of losing her nephew. 

Shane said nothing. 

“You know you have people that love you, right?” Marnie’s voice was quivering. “You have me, and Jas, and…” 

“And that’s it,” Shane said colorlessly. 

“Isn’t that enough?” 

Shane didn’t reply. 

Marnie bit her lip. “Well… I just wanted to remind you to know that I’m worried, and that I’m here for you if you need anything. I really care about you, Shane, and I want you to be happy.” 

Shane still didn’t reply. 

“Aren’t you going to say something?” 

Still nothing. 

Marnie shook her head and stood up. “Well, whenever you’re ready to come home, we’ll be there for you. Jas was worried sick when she woke up and saw you weren’t there.” 

Shane closed his eyes and took a deep breath at the mention of Jas, trying to maintain his composure. 

“Thanks for taking care of him, darling,” Marnie murmured to Seb as she headed out. Seb nodded, but didn’t say anything. 

As soon as the door was shut and locked, Shane spoke up. 

“God, why doesn’t anyone care until they’re about to lose you?” 

“Beats me. Everyone takes you for granted ‘til you’re holding the razor. Then suddenly it’s a chorus of ‘You have so much to live for!’ Ha!” Seb snorted, sitting back down at the table and cutting a little violently into the lasagna. “Where were you fucks when I was drinking myself into oblivion? Why do you suddenly care now?” 

“See? You fucking get it.” Shane also took some lasagna. “You’re the only person in this god-forsaken valley that gets it.” 

Seb’s hand went to his forearm again. “I’ve seen too much shit to not get it.” 

“But seriously,” Shane said through a mouthful of lasagna, “I really appreciate you not freaking out.” 

“No problem.” 

They continued their meal in comfortable silence. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey y'all! Thanks again for all the love and appreciation! 
> 
> After this chapter, this fic will be updated weekly, every Tuesday, instead of biweekly. Sorry about that!


	13. Emergency

“Hey, Shane!” Emily greeted him as Shane came in on schedule for his nightly beers. “Have you seen Seb recently? No one’s seen him since Saturday.” 

“Has he not dropped in when I wasn’t around?” Shane looked perplexed. But come to think of it, Emily was right - Seb had been very scarce this week. “We were hanging out on Monday, but haven’t seen much of him since then.” 

“Not at all,” Emily replied, handing Shane his drink. “I’m actually a little worried. People don’t just disappear for five days without-” 

The saloon door jingled as it swung open, and a very battered-looking Seb stepped into the bar. There was another bloody cut on his cheek, his shirt had blood and burn marks across the chest, and there was a sword in a black scabbard strapped to his hip. Blood was running down his hand and dripping onto the ground. 

“Oh Yoba,” Emily murmured, before calling out to Seb: “Hey, we were just talking about you!” 

Seb smiled and opened his mouth to reply, but instead his eyes rolled back into his head and he collapsed on the saloon floor.

“SHIT!” Emily and Shane exclaimed, both making a quick dash to Seb. A pool of blood was very slowly starting to form around his right shoulder. 

“What? What's happening?” Gus glanced up from the pizza dough he was rolling out, and the blood drained out of his face. “Yoba’s grace!” 

“Fuck, he's bleeding pretty bad. Get me something to put pressure on,” Shane ordered, dragging Seb away from the door. He was heavier than he looked. “Then call Harvey. He's gonna have a field day.” 

Emily nodded and ran back to the bar, where Gus handed her a clean bar mop. Shane pulled off Seb’s ruined flannel and with a quick glance located the source of slowly pooling blood - a deep gash in Seb’s upper right arm. 

“Towel,” Emily said urgently, shoving the towel into Shane’s hand. He balled it up and pressed it into the wound while Emily dialed Harvey. 

Shane patted Seb’s face. “Hey, Seb. Wake up. Come on.” 

A faint groan escaped Seb’s lips, and his eyes fluttered open. “What…?” 

“You're bleeding,” Shane said, keeping pressure on the wound with the bloody towel. “What happened to you?” 

“Monsters…” Seb whispered. “Shadow men… there were too many…” 

“Monsters? Where the fuck were you that there were monsters?” 

Seb groaned, but didn't respond. 

“He said he'd been going down into the mines,” Gus chimed in, moving from behind the bar and handing Shane another mop. “He got Emily a pretty gem down there.” 

“God, you're even more stupid than you look,” Shane muttered to Seb. “The mines? Seriously?” 

“I don’t… I don't look stupid,” Seb protested weakly. 

“Harvey will be here in a minute,” Emily announced. “Shane, is he doing okay?”

“I think so,” Shane replied, his voice tinged with uncertainty. “Pressure seems to be slowing the bleeding.” 

Harvey burst into the saloon fifteen minutes later, took one look at Seb, and pointed outside. “We need to get him to the clinic. Emily, keep applying pressure. Shane, help me get him up.” 

“How bad…?” Seb trailed off, looking in Shane’s general direction but being unable to focus. 

“Pretty bad.” Shane looked calm enough as he started lifting Seb up by the shoulder, but inside he was panicking. The last thing he wanted was for someone to bleed out under his care. “Do me a favor and don't bleed out on the saloon floor, okay? I don't need that kind of memory burned into my head. Lean on me.” 

“Don't worry… I wont,” Seb laughed weakly. “I'll just...bleed out in… the town square...” 

“Don’t bleed out at all. How about that?” A note of panic could be heard in Shane’s voice. “Come on. Move your legs.”

* * *

 

Robin and her family were having dinner together when Maru’s phone started ringing. 

“No phones at the table, Maru,” Demetrius chided his daughter while cutting into his steak.

Maru rolled her eyes and glanced down at the caller ID. Harvey. If he was calling her this late, it had to be urgent. “It’s Harvey. Can I be excused?” 

Robin and Demetrius nodded. Sebastian raised an eyebrow, but didn’t ask any questions. With that, Maru swiped to take the call and headed out to the hallway. “It’s Maru.” 

“It’s Harvey. I need you to get to the clinic. Seb got into a rough patch in the mines and didn’t escape without injury.” 

“How bad is it? I’m kind of in the middle of dinner…” Maru glanced back at the kitchen. It didn’t seem like anyone was paying her any attention, but she felt bad just leaving. 

“He’s going to need stitches on his right shoulder, once the wound is cleaned. It seems to have some debris in it. He’s also likely suffering from second degree burns, but I’m unsure as of now.” Harvey paused. “You don’t have to come if you don’t want to, but it would be extremely helpful if you did.” 

“Got it. I’ll be down as soon as I can be.” Maru hung up, then hurried back to the kitchen. “It’s Seb. He’s pretty torn up. Harvey needs my help.” 

Sebastian’s eyebrows went straight into his bangs, but he kept quiet. 

“By all means,” Demetrius nodded. “We won’t stand in the way of you helping save a life.”

* * *

 

To Shane, it felt like eons passed in that waiting room. Maru had rushed in half an hour after Harvey had taken Seb into the operating room, but that was two hours ago. And every minute that passed kicked Shane’s anxiety up a notch. 

“Yoba, don’t die on me Seb,” he murmured aloud, rubbing his scruffy face nervously. “I can’t have one of two friends just die.” 

What seemed like an eternity later, Harvey finally stepped out into the waiting room. He looked exhausted, but satisfied.

“He’s okay?” Shane stood up, worry written all over his face. 

“As okay as he can be,” Harvey sighed. “I had to stitch up his shoulder and face. He also had some burns on his chest, but they weren’t life-threatening. He says he wants to see you.” 

Shane nodded and followed Harvey through the back and into a patient room, where Seb was propped up on a few pillows and hooked to an IV. Maru was washing her hands in the room’s sink. Seb was staring almost angrily at the ceiling, but his expression softened when Harvey returned with Shane. 

“Hey,” Seb said weakly, wiggling his fingers in greeting. “I’m alive.” 

“Never do that again.” Shane sat in the chair beside his bed. 

“Never do what again?” 

“Almost die.” 

“I wasn’t THAT close to dying, was I?” 

“You were pretty rough,” Harvey interjected. “There’s a distinct possibility you could’ve bled out, had you gone home instead.” 

Seb sighed. “If you say so. My car’s upholstery has blood all over it now.” 

“You’re in the hospital for life-threatening injuries, and you’re concerned about your car,” Shane said incredulously. 

“What? Blood is hard to get out of cloth!” Seb said indignantly. 

Shane looked at him for a second, then burst into hysterical laughter. All the stress of the evening came out of his mouth, and it made Seb grin a little bit. 

“You’ve got your priorities in order, I see,” Shane wheezed. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey y'all, I'm really, REALLY sorry this is coming out so late. This week has been very hectic with multiple birthdays. 
> 
> Thanks as usual for reading!


	14. R&R

Seb was discharged from the hospital the next morning. It hurt to make too sudden of movements, and he couldn’t do much farming without popping his stitches, so he paid Marnie to watch over his farm for a few days. 

At least he could scrub the blood out of the Genesis.

As he vacuumed the upholstery foam off of the seat, his mind kept drifting to the night before. 

It was nice to have a friend who would save your life. 

_ How do I even go about repaying him for something like that?  _ Seb wondered to himself, switching off the shop vac and putting it back on the shelf.  _ All I know that he likes is alcohol and, like, pizza.  _

Maybe they could do that again tomorrow. Or maybe they could do something more fancy. Tonight was going to be spent in front of the TV. And Shane’s birthday was tomorrow, on a Saturday, which meant they could party all night if they wanted to. 

If he wanted to party, that is. 

Seb was debating whether or not to ask Shane if he wanted to hang out tomorrow when he got a text from Sebastian. 

‘ _ Hey, wanna come over for a bit? I just picked up a new game, maybe we could try it out together.’  _

Seb’s face lit up. It wasn’t often that people invited him over to just hang out. 

_ ‘Hell yeah. I’ll be over in a bit. Gotta finish cleaning up my car.’  _

Right as he sent that text, he got another one. This one was from Kaylee.

_ ‘Seabass! How’s it going? When are you gonna come visit?’  _

Seb smiled down at his phone. God, he’d missed her. 

_ ‘Hey girl! I’ll be visiting next Tuesday to go clothes shopping. There’s gonna be a dance in town, and I want to look like a snack.’  _

_ ‘Ooooooooo, trying to impress someone?’  _

_ ‘Not really. Just want to boost my self-esteem. Wanna hang out then?’  _

_ ‘Big mood. And yes! I found this new brunch place that you HAVE to try!’  _

_ ‘Looking forward to it. I’ve gotta get back to working, I’ll see you soon =)’  _

Seb put his phone away and hopped into the Genesis, hyped for a new game.

 

* * *

 

 

Seb closed the door to Sebastian’s room behind him and surveyed the scene in front of him. It was kinda dark down here - not unexpected for a basement, especially a basement inhabited by an emo guy. Sebastian was to his left, typing away at his keyboard.

“Oh, hey, give me a minute. Pull up a chair.” Sebastian peered over his monitor and waved at Seb, before returning to his screen. He typed a few more things, then tabbed out of his window. “Sorry. I just wanted to finish my thought. Didn’t think you’d be here so quickly.” 

Seb moved to the computer setup and pulled a rolling chair over. “Working on something?” 

“Yeah, actually. I’m a freelance programmer.” 

A small “ding!” sounded from Sebastian’s computer, and a chatbox pulled up on his screen. He narrowed his eyes. 

“Who’s MetalMayhem?” Seb asked, looking at the chatbox. It had a single message in it: ‘U up to anything?’ 

“That’s Sam. I guess he wants to hang out…” Seb sighed, then typed a reply: ‘Ye, busy on a project. Can’t hang =( prob won’t be at the saloon 2nite either‘ “Ugh. I really don’t want to do anything tonight...” 

The door to Sebastian’s room opened again, and Robin stepped inside. 

“Oh, hey Seb! Good to see you!” Robin then turned her attention to her son. “Sebby, I know you don’t like it when I come in here…” 

“Nah, it’s okay Mom.” Sebastian smiled a little at Robin. “What’s up?” 

“I ran into Abigail at the store. She said she was looking for you.” 

Sebastian sighed. “Did you tell her that I’m working on stuff?” 

“I did, but she said she’d probably stop by anyway,” Robin replied nervously. 

Sebastian shook his head. “No one takes my job seriously, not even my best friends. No one bothers Maru when she’s working at the clinic… does everyone think I’m just surfing the web all day?” 

“Don’t know, hon,” Robin shrugged. “But I’ll leave you be. Nice seeing you, Seb!” 

“What are your career goals? Programming can be pretty lucrative,” Seb asked his namesake as Robin went back upstairs. 

“Well, I’m trying to save up so I can move out of here. Probably out to Zuzu, or Allenton or Chaspool or something. After that… I’d like to make games.” 

“Those are some big dreams,” Seb remarked with a smile. 

Sebastian nodded. “If I’d gone to college I’d probably be making six figures by now… but I backed out. I’m a lot more comfortable behind a screen than dealing with people face to face… and if I’m honest, I don’t want to be a part of that corporate rat race, you know?” 

“Yeah. If anyone knows that feeling in this town, it’s me,” Seb sighed. 

“What was living in Zuzu like?” Sebastian asked, turning his chair to face Seb. 

“Fun. Lots of partying and sex if you had the looks and the cash. Lots of food to pick from, lots of fashion… it’s a place of excess. I lived in one of those luxury lofts. But it was also really isolating sometimes, being in such a big place with only a few friends. Chaspool was a lot more relaxed than Zuzu and more tight-knit, but it was still a place of excess in many parts.” 

“Yeah? I didn’t know you lived in Chaspool.” 

“Grew up there.” 

“Why’d you leave?” 

“No jobs, not when I was living there. Joja had just put up its second HQ up in Zuzu, and they were looking for marketing staff.” 

“Fair.” Sebastian paused briefly, then continued: “Hey, question.”

“Hmm?” 

“I heard from Maru you got really injured in the mines last night.” Sebastian’s gaze fell on the stitches on Seb’s cheek. “Had no idea anyone else went down there.” 

“So much for doctor-patient confidentiality in a small town. Wait. Anyone else?” Seb tilted his head to the left in confusion. 

Sebastian lowered his voice. “I go down there a lot. It helps when I get angry.” He rolled up his hoodie sleeve to reveal a wide, jagged scar. “That’s where a rock crab got me.” 

Seb looked at the scar, then back up at Sebastian. “Impressive. I didn’t expect you to be a monster slayer.” 

Sebastian snorted. “No one expects me to be much of anything in this town. Especially not someone who could swing a mace.” 

“Nice. I’m more of a sword guy,” Seb grinned. “I’d never even swung a sword before coming here, but I’m getting the hang of it.” 

Sebastian smirked. “It feels good, doesn’t it? Being able to take out your aggression like that.” 

Seb nodded. 

“Anyway, no more gossip. I invited you over to play a game. Lemme finish this module, then we’ll play.”

 

* * *

 

 

At around 9pm that night and 5 episodes into his binge of RuPaul’s Drag Race, Seb’s phone buzzed with a text from Shane. 

_ ‘Hey, are you not coming to the saloon tonight?’  _

Seb paused his show mid-lipsync battle to reply. 

_ ‘Nah, I’m still hurting from last night. Sorry =(‘  _

_ ‘It’s cool. What are you up to? How was your day?’  _

_ ‘Just watching an incredibly gay show. Takin’ it easy. Day was pretty fun, just played video games with Sebastian for most of it. How’s the saloon?’  _

_ ‘Eh. I hate being here on Fridays… too many people. But Gus always runs drink specials, so here I am.’  _

_ ‘Heh, I feel that. What are you doing tomorrow?’  _

_ ‘Probably nothing, honestly. Just grocery shopping and more time in the saloon. You?’  _

_ ‘Nothing yet. Wanna party a bit tomorrow? You know, for your birthday.’  _

Shane didn’t reply for a few minutes. 

_ ‘Not gonna lie, I forgot it was my birthday tomorrow. What do you have in mind?’  _

_ ‘Maybe we could visit Zuzu for some food, then go home and get absolutely fucking plastered? Or, if you’re interested, I’ve got other ways to get inebriated.’  _

Another few minutes passed before Shane replied. 

_ ‘...I’m not sure how I feel about things that aren’t alcohol, but sure, I’d love to hang out tomorrow.’  _

_ ‘Awesome. Sorry if that implication made you uncomfortable…’  _

_‘Nah, you’re good. I’ll see you tomorrow :) enjoy your gay show’_ "

 

* * *

 

 

“And here’s that pizza you ordered,” Emily announced as she delivered Shane’s food. “What are you grinning about, huh?” 

“Nothing.” Shane put away his phone and picked up a slice of pizza. 

“Bullcrap!” Emily said, daintily resting her elbows on the bar. “You were talking to Seb, weren’t you?” 

Shane didn’t reply, but smiled slightly. 

“Oooooooooo,” Emily cooed. “You WERE talking to him! Did he ask you out or something?” 

“No! Well… not on a date. He just wanted to know if I would tag along to Zuzu with him.” 

“Is it just because, or is he bringing you places on your birthday?” Emily winked at him. 

“Emily, he doesn’t have a thing for me, and I don’t have a thing for him. We’re just friends. Just because I don’t sling insults at someone when I see them doesn’t mean I have any… ‘interest’ in them.” Shane looked up at the ceiling. “Besides you, he’s the only person that treats me like a human, you know?” 

Emily nodded. “Yeah, I get it. And I was just messing with you. He doesn’t seem like the type to be gay. I’d bet money that he had his pick of the ladies in Zuzu.” 

“Probably.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I'm officially just updating weekly. I'm working quite a bit from now on, so I can't hold myself to the Tuesday deadline unfortunately.


	15. Shane's Birthday: Part 1

Shane woke up the next morning to a text from Seb. 

_ ‘Hey, dress up a bit for today. Like, jeans and a button down, if you’ve got it. If not you can borrow one of mine.’  _

Where in the world were they going tonight that he needed to dress up? 

Shane didn’t have time to think about that, though. Jas was banging on his door, demanding that he get up because she made him something yummy. 

“Happy birthday, Shane,” Marnie cheered as soon as he stepped out of his room. Jas held up a plate of blue cupcakes with lavender icing for him, an ecstatic smile on her face. “Did you sleep well?” 

“Like a log,” he replied, grinning. He knelt down and took a cupcake from the plate Jas was offering and took a bite. 

Blue velvet. God, he’d forgotten how much he loved that stuff. 

“You did a great job with these,” he told Jas, ruffling her hair. “Thank you, Jas!” 

“You’re welcome!” Jas handed the cupcakes to Marnie before hugging Shane as tightly as she could. “Vincent says happy birthday too! I gotta go see him before he starts worrying.” 

Shane gave Jas the biggest hug he could without accidentally hurting her. “Go play with Vincent. I’ll see you tonight.” 

Jas ran out of the front door. “Happy birthday, Uncle Shane!” she called out as the door closed behind her. 

Marnie smiled at Shane and offered him the plate of cupcakes, which he took without hesitation and started tearing into. “Doing anything fun today?” she ventured. 

“Yeah, actually,” Shane replied through a mouthful of cupcake. “Seb invited me to hang out in Zuzu with him. No idea what we’re doing though. He did say to dress up a bit, but… I dunno.” 

Marnie smiled. “I’m glad you two get along so well.” 

“He’s a lot more like me than I expected,” Shane chuckled, half of the cupcakes gone. “In good ways, and bad ways.” 

“Mmm. His capacity to drink is getting around,” Marnie said, an edge of nervousness in her voice. “Is that why you like him so much?” 

“I mean, it helps that he can keep up,” Shane said, eating yet another cupcake. “But, and this is mostly speculation, he’s struggled a lot, especially when he was in Zuzu.” 

Marnie nodded. “I just don’t want him to be a bad influence on you, Shane.” 

“Nah. We just understand each other.” Shane finished off the last cupcake and rinsed the plate off. “I’m gonna get cleaned up and head over to Silver Gully. Have a good day, Marnie.” 

“Have fun!” Marnie pulled Shane into a hug. “Let me know how it goes.”

* * *

 

All the crops were watered and the chickens were fed early that morning. Seb stood in front of his closet for a solid hour, completely clueless as to what to wear. 

_ This never happens,  _ Seb thought to himself, frustrated.  _ Clothes usually come so naturally to me.  _

A pair of boots in the corner caught his eye - a pair of floral print chelseas with a one inch heel. They’d been a congratulatory gift from Joja’s national head of marketing when he had been promoted to head of midwestern marketing, and he had yet to wear them. The national head had good taste, but there just hadn’t been a good occasion to wear them. 

“You know what, why not,” Seb murmured to himself, dangling the boots in front of him. “They’re a little girly, but when has that ever stopped me?” 

Seb had just gotten his jeans on and was still shirtless when he heard a knock on his door. 

“It’s unlocked!” he yelled, pulling on his boots then digging through his dresser to find a white shirt. 

“Morning,” Shane yawned as he stepped inside. “Sorry, I’m a little early.” 

“No, no, you’re fine,” Seb called out, stepping into the hallway as he pulled his shirt on. “Happy birthday!” 

“Thanks,” Shane replied. He’d shaved away his perpetual five o’clock shadow, and was dressed in dark jeans and a green flannel. “Nice boots.” 

“Thanks! They were a gift. Never worn them. Figured this was as good of an occasion as I was gonna get.” Seb turned and went back into his room, and Shane caught a glimpse of a black pattern partially showing through Seb’s shirt. Maybe a tattoo? “Do you wanna make any stops in Zuzu while we’re there?” 

“I don’t have any places in particular,” Shane said, moving to stand in the hallway. “But I also don’t know what we’re doing.” 

Seb pulled on a black button-down. “I’ve got reservations at Lemongrass Bistro for five in the afternoon. I figured we could spend some time before that cafe hopping if you like coffee.” 

Shane’s head snapped to Seb. “Lemongrass? Isn’t that place super pricey?” 

“I mean, you quite literally saved my life,” Seb shrugged. “I’m just paying my debts.” 

Shane found himself blushing again. “All I did was apply pressure. Emily called Harvey, and Harvey and Maru stitched you up.” 

“Yeah, but applying pressure was the difference between getting to take you out and bleeding to death.” Seb grabbed his wallet and keys and headed past Shane to the front door. “I’ll pay back the others in kind. Ready to go?” 

“As I’ll ever be,” Shane replied, trying not to seem too excited. “I do like coffee, by the way.

* * *

 

“You never struck me as a Panic! guy,” Shane commented as they sped onto the highway to the tune of Emperor’s New Clothes by Panic! At the Disco. 

“What did I strike you as?” Seb asked, shifting into sixth and flipping on the cruise control. 

“I dunno. Not Panic. Maybe something more electronic.” 

“I do enjoy some electronic,” Seb said, eyes trained on the road. “But I find myself liking where pop has been going more and more. Halsey is great, for instance.” 

“Don’t know them.” 

“No?” 

“I’m more into rock.” Shane leaned back in his seat. “Not opposed to pop, but it’s not my first choice.” 

“Fair. I spent a lot of time in clubs between college and Zuzu. Some pop is… an acquired taste, and that’s all they played.” 

A comfortable silence fell between the two as the skyscrapers of Zuzu started to come into view. 

“Did you grow up in Zuzu?” Shane asked suddenly, eyes on the horizon. 

“Nope. Far from it. I’m from Chaspool, across the Emerald River. My parents, Dad from Pelican Town and Mom from Zuzu, moved there a year before I was born.”

“Really? How did you end up back in Zuzu?” 

“Wanted to make a name for myself in the music scene.” Seb looked wistfully out at the road. “Didn’t make it very far there, so I carved out my niche in Joja Corporation.” 

“What did you actually do at Joja?” 

A smirk spread over Seb’s face. “I was regional head of marketing for the midwest. I had a hand in nearly every promotion Jojamart has put out in this area for the past four years, and was part of the design pipeline for all the promos and store signage for the past six. The Winter Star layaway they’re running now was my idea. So was the limited sourcing of organic produce, the decision to acquire the cell phone company Grasshopper, and the idea of putting greeters in some of the bigger stores.” 

Shane looked over at Seb incredulously. “No fucking way. You did all that?” 

“I’ve still got my badge if you want proof.” 

“Why would a hot shot like you ever leave to become a farmer in a backwater place like the valley?” 

Seb’s smile dropped, and his grip on the steering wheel tightened. 

“You don’t have to be specific about why,” Shane said quickly. “I figured it would be a really personal reason. People don’t just abandon $80,000 a year or more for nothing.” 

“It was $150,000.” 

“Come again?” 

“My salary was $150,000 a year with insurance benefits and PTO.” 

Shane looked over at Seb, his mouth hanging open. Seb snorted. 

“Yeah, crazy decision. No one in Pelican Town or Zuzu ever lets me forget it.” 

“Sorry. Didn’t mean to be a dick about it.” 

“Nah, you’re fine.” Seb sighed as he pulled off the highway into downtown Zuzu. “I’m just bitter from everyone questioning whether or not my decision was the best decision I could’ve made. What they don’t understand is how  _ shitty  _ life was, even with all that cash. Money can buy you a lot, but it can’t buy you meaning. There needs to be more to life than cars, alcohol, and sex. I had exactly one friend that wasn’t just around for the money. Every guy and girl I fucked was trying to make me their sugar daddy. No one cared about who I was, all they cared about was my bank account. That’s all a single desk jockey is to people. An ATM.” 

Shane looked at Seb with a twinge of pity. He used to half-joke about how he’d kill to be one of the corporate guys in Zuzu, making more money than he knew what to do with, throwing lavish parties, buying fast cars, having his pick of beautiful women. 

But he’d never considered that people would take advantage of that. 

“I spent too many nights hopeless, wondering why I was even alive, why I was still slogging along, when the only thing going well was the thing that made people ignore me as a person,” Seb continued, watching for a parking garage. “I’m one of the lucky ones. I had something I could escape to. Some of my co-workers weren’t so lucky. I buried one of my team members a year ago, after he committed suicide.”

A lump rose into Shane’s throat. That feeling of hopelessness was one he and his coworkers knew well. No one had killed themselves, though. At least not yet. 

“But yeah. There’s my story. Don’t spread it around town.” Seb glanced over at Shane, who was side eyeing him. “Sorry, didn’t mean to rain on your parade.” 

“Nah, you’re good,” Shane replied, turning to stare out the window at all the shops and restaurants. “Just never thought I’d run into a corporate guy that understood.” 

“I mean, I’m not corporate anymore. Far from it,” Seb laughed, unhooking a permit from his rearview mirror as he pulled into a parking garage. “Maybe someday you’ll escape it too.” 

“Yeah… I can dream,” Shane snorted. 

“What would you do if you could just… leave? Abandon everything and start over?” 

“Everything?” 

“Everything you didn’t like. I didn’t abandon my car.” 

“Well… I would probably start a chicken farm. Only free-range eggs, of course.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lemongrass Bristo is an actual restaurant in Columbus, Ohio. Chaspool is this story's equivalent to Columbus, with the Emerald River being the Mississippi.


	16. Shane's Birthday: Part 2

“I’m usually not one for fancy coffee drinks, but this is pretty great,” Shane grinned, sipping his white mocha. 

“Yeah? I used to drink them all the time. Ended up cutting down on them to lose weight,” Seb said. He seemed distracted by all the people passing the coffee shop’s window. 

Shane took another sip. “You really like watching people.” 

“I’m mostly looking at their clothes.” 

“Why, looking to find new ones?” 

“Always.” Seb turned from the window to look at Shane. “I really like clothes.” 

“Isn’t that a little… uh…” 

“Gay?” 

“I wasn’t going to say it like that.” 

Seb shrugged. “I mean, I’m a little gay. But I’m also a little straight. But yeah, these boots definitely say ‘homosexual.’” 

“Say? More like scream,” Shane guffawed, making Seb roll his eyes. 

“I mean, you’re not wrong,” Seb chuckled. “But you can’t say I don’t fit in on the streets of Zuzu looking like this.” 

“Fair.” Shane watched as a woman draped in black passed by. “I don’t remember Zuzu being so… flashy about fashion, least when I lived here.” 

“Avant garde stuff sprung up a few years after Joja moved their main offices here,” Seb mused, sipping his chai latte. “Lots of young professionals with more money than they know what to do with. So they parade around the city in literal cloaks sometimes.” 

“Were you one of those people?” 

“To a degree.” Seb turned to look out the window again as a man in a plum suit passed by. “I own some flashy pieces, but most of my wardrobe is what I’m wearing - black skinny jeans, button downs, fun shoes.” 

After about five minutes of silence and drink sipping, Seb’s phone buzzed with a reminder about their reservations. 

“God, it’s five already?” Shane groaned. 

Seb raised an eyebrow. “Is that a bad thing?” 

“Means the day is coming to an end,” Shane explained. “I’ve been enjoying the hell out of this.” 

Seb turned away to conceal a deep blush. “I’m glad. Shall we?”

* * *

 

“Holy hell, Seb.” Shane’s voice was muffled by a massive bite of tuna. “Where did you find out about this place?” 

“Company outing,” Seb replied, examining the scallop perched on his fork. “Joja may have been a terrible place to work, but the execs knew how to party.” 

“I’ll say.” Shane flagged down their server and ordered another glass of wine. “Do you want any more?” 

“Nah, I’ve got to drive us home. How about a toast?” Seb ventured, picking up his own wine glass. “To empathy?” 

“I can get behind that,” Shane grinned, clinking his glass to Seb’s. “To empathy.” 

The two of them continued their meal in comfortable silence, broken only by their server coming by. 

“Are you two lovely gentlemen ready for your checks, or were you thinking about dessert?” their server crowed, looking between the two of them. 

“Do you want anything?” Seb asked Shane, who shook his head. “I think we’ll need that check, then. This is all together.”

* * *

 

It was 8pm by the time they were back on the road. Shane looked more relaxed than Seb had ever seen him look outside of being plastered. 

“Hey, Seb?” 

“Yeah?” 

“Thanks for doing this for me.” 

“No problem, man. You deserve a respite, especially on your birthday.” 

“Yeah, I guess, but that doesn’t mean I deserved to sample some of the best food and coffee in Zuzu.” 

“I think you deserved it.” Seb looked over at Shane for a moment, smiling, before returning his eyes to the road. “You may not believe it, but you’re doing a hell of a job with the hand you’ve been dealt. I don’t know everything that you’ve gone through, but you’re surviving. Jas is thriving.” 

The mention of Jas made Shane smile a little. “She’s a good kid.” 

Seb nodded. “Sometimes Penny tells me about her and how she’s so smart. She’s going to do great things.” 

“You’re goddamn right she will,” Shane said with the most confidence Seb had ever heard in his voice. Then his smile dropped, and his tone soured. “I just hope she does better than I do. I never had much family growing up.” 

“No?” 

“No. My parents weren’t fit to take care of me and my brother. We were in and out of foster care until we turned 18. He eventually got married, but it was hard out there in Allenton for a guy who hadn’t finished high school. They both fell into drugs, and one day…” 

“You don’t have to-” Seb started, but Shane cut him off. 

“No. I need to tell someone this.” He took a deep breath. “They were out driving high one night when Jas was just a baby. Probably had just shot up. Someone went a little left of center in front of them, and my brother overcorrected. Their car landed upside down in the ditch.” 

Seb blinked hard. He couldn’t cry now. That’s not what Shane needed. 

“Jas’ mother was pronounced dead at the scene. My brother… he was in the ICU for a few days before he passed, too.” Shane gulped and continued, his voice shaking. “And so little baby Jas became my responsibility.” 

“I’m so sorry,” Seb murmured, blinking hard again. 

“When Jas came to me, I was couch surfing in Zuzu between a few gridball buddies. I didn’t stay in Allenton. Just graduated from Allen High, played on their varsity gridball team. I was gonna go to college in Chaspool, play gridball for the Bucknuts, and then I couldn’t, because I had to raise this angel. And so I ended up in the valley, renting a room from Aunt Marnie, working as a stocker, because I had nowhere else to run.” 

It was a few minutes before Seb said anything. “You did something very noble.” 

“I did what was needed.” 

“That doesn’t make it not noble,” Seb argued. “Jas might have ended up like you, bouncing around homes until she hit adulthood, but you chose to sacrifice your future to give her a better chance at life. That’s an incredibly selfless thing to do.” 

Shane took a shaky breath. “I suppose.” 

“You don’t believe me, do you?” 

“Not really.” 

“Why not?” 

“I dunno,” Shane sighed. “I just wish I could do better. Give her a better life, maybe a life in Zuzu in a real school.” 

“Zuzu is a hard place to be if you don’t have a college degree,” Seb pointed out. “And so many people got their degrees in useless things that they’re clamoring for the same jobs you would be. You made the right choices, Shane - you did the best with what you had.” 

Shane was quiet for a long time. “You really mean that?” 

“Absolutely.” 

“Thanks, Seb. You’re a great friend.” 

“You too,” Seb smiled as they pulled off the highway and headed down the country route towards the valley. “I don’t care what anyone in Pelican Town says - you’re someone really wonderful under all those rough edges.” 

“You sound like Elliot,” Shane laughed, looking out the window to conceal a dull blush creeping onto his cheeks. 

“I’ll take that as a compliment,” Seb chuckled. “You still wanna get plastered when we get back?” 

“Yes please,” Shane replied, an edge of excitement in his voice.

* * *

 

“...and so Lewis is fooling around with Marnie, and thinks the town will freak out if they go public about it.” Shane finished off his white russian and set the glass on the side table. 

“Oh no, what a scandal! An adult man in a healthy, consenting relationship with a wonderful woman!” Seb said sarcastically as he mixed some vodka and cranberry juice for the two of them. “Who the hell cares if the mayor’s romancing someone?” 

“Clearly not anyone in town,” Shane chuckled. “Everyone’s seen them tied at the hip at every festival. It’s kind of an open secret at this point.” 

“And so he thinks by buying you a few beers you’ll keep your mouth shut,” Seb mused, handing Shane his drink. “Well, that clearly didn’t work.” 

Shane burst out laughing and nearly spilled his drink. 

“Hey, no staining my carpet.” Seb playfully bumped his shoulder against Shane’s. “I worked hard to make you that drink.” 

“Sorry, sorry,” Shane said between fits of laughter. 

“You’re fine. Just don’t spill anything,” Seb chuckled, sipping his drink. “Liquor ain’t cheap.” 

“You know what else isn’t cheap?” 

“What?” 

“Today.” 

“Yeah, and?” 

“I’m not used to being treated,” Shane said, swirling his drink around in its glass. “It feels nice. You make me feel nice.” 

“I’m glad.” Seb hesitated for a moment before moving a little bit closer to Shane on the couch. “Having you around makes me feel nice, too.” 

“Yeah?” 

“Yeah.” 

Shane leaned into Seb and rested his head on his shoulder. “It’s okay for two guys to use each other as pillows, right?” 

“I don’t see a problem with it,” Seb chuckled. 

As the night drew on and they consumed more and more drinks, Shane posed a question. 

“What’s on your back?” 

“Come again?” Seb frowned, a little confused. 

“Earlier I saw something showing through your shirt,” Shane explained. “What was it?” 

“Oh! Probably one of my tattoos,” Seb said, standing up and taking his button-down and undershirt off to reveal a pattern of circuitry spreading across his toned upper back. “Was that what you saw?” 

“Think so,” Shane said, mesmerized by the methodical tangle of black lines. “That’s a very cool tattoo.” 

“Glad you like it. I’ve had it for a few years now.” Seb stretched his arms over his head. “It’s not the only one I have, either.” 

“No?” 

Seb turned to face Shane and gestured to his right hip. Four triangular symbols were tattooed just above where his jeans sat - the glyphs for explore, learn, understand, and transcend. 

As cool as the tattoos were, Shane was having trouble focusing on them. He kept stealing glances at Seb’s now-bare chest, noting how he wasn’t particularly muscle-bound like Alex, but was still well-toned. 

“Like what you see?” Seb smirked, clearly having noticed Shane’s wandering eyes. 

Shane’s face went bright red. “Uh… not gonna lie, yeah.” 

“Nothing wrong with that.” Seb grinned before walking over to the alcohol cabinet. “Want a little more? I could use a little more.” 

“Sure,” Shane said distractedly, tearing his eyes away from Seb and finishing his drink. 

_ What’s going on with you?  _ Shane asked himself silently.  _ When did you suddenly start liking men?  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since the two birthday chapters were pretty short, I decided to release them on the same day. 
> 
> A little bit of mild gaytime. 
> 
> As usual, thank you for reading and leaving kudos! I really appreciate it.


	17. The Band and the Jock

“Oh, it’s you! Hi Seb,” Jodi opened the door and gestured for Seb to come in. “I heard from Robin that you made her an excellent meal! I didn’t know you were into cooking.” 

“Ah, I’m not a serious cook,” Seb grinned, clearly flattered. “It’s a hobby.” 

“Well, if you ever want some tips or recipes, let me know! I’ve won cooking competitions in Zuzu with many of my recipes.” Jodi beamed with pride. 

“I’ll keep that in mind. Is Sam in his room? I made him some pizza,” Seb asked, gesturing to the flat plastic container in his right hand. 

“Oh! Yes, Sam is in there. He and Sebastian are practicing. Did they tell you about their band?” Jodi replied excitedly. 

“I… don’t think so. Guess I’ll find out about it now,” Seb murmured, moving towards Sam’s room. “Thanks Jodi!” 

Seb opened the door to a jumbled chorus of synthesizer chords and guitar riffs. 

_ Doesn’t seem very organized for a band,  _ Seb thought to himself, watching Sam and Sebastian jam.  _ But maybe they’re just starting out.  _

It was a solid few minutes before Sam caught sight of Seb standing in the doorway, a container of pizza in hand. 

“Oh, hey! Good to see ya Seb,” Sam greeted him jovially, setting down his guitar. “Sebastian and I were just having one of our jam sessions. I’m trying to write up some songs so that we can officially be a band and play shows, but I can’t decide what music we should play.” 

“That’s a pretty ambitious project you’ve got going on,” Seb remarked. “You got a drummer? A vocalist? Or are you and Sebastian good at singing?” 

Sam’s face dropped. “No… we’ve got a potential drummer, but none of us are good at singing. We could just be instrumental, but most bands that are successful have a vocalist.” 

“Who’s your drummer?” 

“Abigail,” Sebastian piped up. “She’s pretty good.” 

“Never would have taken her to be a drummer.” 

“And most people wouldn’t expect Sebastian to be a synth wizard, but here we are,” Sam grinned. 

“Fair.” Seb set the box down on Sam’s desk. “I could probably find you someone. I used to fuck around in Zuzu’s music scene. It’s why I initially moved there.” 

“Yeah?” Sam raised an eyebrow. “What did you do? Produce?” 

“Nah, I sang,” Seb said casually. “I’d say I could help you myself, but I’m so out of practice it hurts.” 

“WHAT?” Sam exclaimed. “What band were you with? I might know them.” 

“Pacific Pursuit,” Seb replied. “We did electro pop. Had a small following on the internet, but-” 

“Holy hell, that was you?” Sam looked like he was in shock. “I saw you guys open for Cerranoka! I thought the lead had white hair!” 

“Like this?” Seb pulled up his gallery and found a selfie of him and his bandmates on stage before Cerranoka and showed it to Sam. 

“Just like that. Yoba, that’s super cool,” Sam said, a small jump accentuating his excitement. “Will you do vocals for us? Please?” 

“If Sebastian is good with it.” 

“Well?” Sam turned to Sebastian, who shrugged. 

“I’m cool with that,” Sebastian replied, playing a few chords on his synthesizer. 

“Awesome!” Sam turned back to Seb. “Will you dye your hair white again? That look was super cool.” 

“Maybe,” Seb laughed. “Tell you what. I’ll do a crazy color if we get a show. What kind of music are we gonna be doing? I’ve mostly done pop singing, but I could do other things.” 

“I mean, I’d be down to do pop. But I’d rather do like… hard rock with an electronic spin.” Sam moved to the stand that held his bass and slung it over his shoulder. “What do you think, Seb? Sebastian? Sorry, too many Sebs.” 

“That’s cool with me.” Sebastian kept playing his absent-minded chords. “I’m not partial to any genre. That was a debate you were having with yourself.” 

“I’m also good with that. Sounds very spacey,” Seb grinned. 

 

* * *

 

Later that day, Seb was passing by the Mullner’s house to deliver a basket of parsnips and cauliflower to Pam when he overheard Alex murmuring to his dog. 

“That’s a good boy, Dusty.” He reached down into the pen and scratched the pup behind his ears. “You might be the only one around here that understands me… no one else has seen the kind of stuff that you and I have.” 

Seb walked over to stand at the fence and set his basket of veggies down. “Hey Alex.” 

Alex jumped in surprise. “Seb! Did… did you hear all that?” 

Seb nodded. “Your voice kinda carries.” 

“I… yeah, you’re right.” Alex sighed heavily. “I don’t like talking about it, but I guess I’ll explain. Ever wondered why I live with my grandparents?” 

“Yeah, but I figured it wasn’t my business.” 

“Well, you see, my father wasn’t a good guy… He, well… he ruined everything for me and my mom. Half the time he was gone, the other half he was drunk and would yell at me, tell me that I’d never amount to anything. I think he resented me for being young… he was bitter because he’d wasted his youth and gotten nowhere in life. 

“Well, that’s my take on it, at least. Who knows what was going on in his mind.

“One day he left, and not long after that, my mom got sick and died. I had no choice, I had to move in with my grandparents.” 

Seb stared silently, taking this all in. Alex kept on talking. 

“You seem like someone I can trust, Seb. If what everyone says about you is true… well, I’m sure you get it. You at least would understand that I don’t want any sympathy. If there’s anything good to take away from my past, it’s that it made me tough.” Alex clapped Seb on the shoulder with a small grin. “Now, let me show you what Dusty will do for a good steak!” 

_ What the hell are people saying about me?  _ Seb wondered, watching as Alex made Dusty do tricks for a good hunk of sirloin. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry I haven't updated this in a while. I've been working overtime for the past few weeks, and haven't had much time to write. With classes starting soon as well, I will have to push my upload schedule out even further... ugh. I'm sorry. I appreciate y'all putting up with this.


	18. Out of Mind

“Seabass!” A familiar voice called out from a second floor balcony. There Kaylee was, waving at Seb as he got out of his car. “It’s been a bit!”

“It sure has,” Seb yelled back. “Get in! We’ve got stuff to do. You have to teach me how to not look like I rolled out of bed.”

* * *

 

“Thanks for taking today off,” Seb said graciously, resting his arms on the table. “I know it can be difficult to get days off in the middle of the week.”

“No problem! They like me a lot, it was no trouble. So, how’s small-town living, farmer boy?” Kaylee teased him as their server delivered their plates of pancakes and eggs.

“Small-town living is interesting,” Seb said cooly, mixing some cream into his coffee. “Everyone’s always so interested in what I’m doing. You’d think there would be other farmers around, given how rich the valley is with good soil, but aside from the ranch, there’s no one else raising animals or growing crops.”

“Seriously?” Kaylee exclaimed. “Nobody? In the middle of the country, you’re the only soul growing crops?”

Seb nodded and poured some syrup onto his pancakes. “It’s weird, right?”

“Very. Have you made any friends there?”

“Several! Like I said, everyone is super nice. And most people like it when I cook for them. There’s Alex, who likes salmon dinners and a good breakfast, and Haley, who likes pink cake like the Queen of Sauce lady makes…”

Kaylee listened bemusedly as Seb rattled off everyone’s favorite foods, occasionally taking bites of her scrambled eggs.

“...and Seb likes sushi, specifically sashimi, and Shane likes pizza and pepper poppers. And alcohol.” A tiny smile played at his lips when he mentioned Shane. “Shane drinks like I do.”

“Yeah? That’s a hell of a feat,” Kaylee giggled. “Can he trip balls as hard as us? Cuz I’ve yet to meet someone else who could take a strip and not freak out.”

“Unsure,” Seb replied. “He hasn’t taken me up on that offer yet. But he has sampled my entire liquor collection at this point.”

“Oh, Yoba. He sounds like a man after your heart.”

Seb blushed a little. “That’s what he said about me one time, when we were drunk by the river.”

Kaylee’s eyebrows went up, and an excited smile spread across her face. “Ooooooh, Sebby, you like him, don’t you?”

“Of course I like him. He’s the only person in town who can keep up with me.”

“That’s not what I meant, Seabass. You were blushing!”

That comment made Seb blush even more. “God damn you, Kaylee.”

“Am I wrong?”

Seb hesitated. “You know, I’m not sure. You might be right. But I don’t know for sure yet. I don’t want another Anne situation to happen, you know?”

Kaylee stopped smiling and looked down at her pancakes. “Yeah, I get that. Sorry, I just got excited. You’ve done nothing but one night stands for the past three years after her. With the exception of… well, you know.”

“I’m aware.”

“She… Anne… uh… she wanted me to tell you something, too,” Kaylee said carefully, watching his face.

“And that was?” Seb fought to keep his face neutral.

“She wanted you to know that she misses you. That she wants to see you next time you’re in Zuzu, so she can apologize in person for being so cruel to you.”

Seb started laughing hysterically. “Apologize? HER? God, that’s a wonderful joke, Kaylee,” he wheezed in between fits of laughter.

Kaylee bit her lip in discomfort. “She seemed genuine about it.”

Seb abruptly stopped laughing and a black cloud settled over him. “Of course she did. She always seems so kind and concerned to everyone whose dick she isn’t riding.” His eyes were dark and stormy. “But god, if you try and leave her, she’ll threaten you with the whole book. She threatened to kill herself if I left her. And she tried, so I pink slipped her.”

“Seriously?” Kaylee looked outraged. “That’s so fucking manipulative!”

“You’re telling me,” Seb snorted, impaling his fork into his eggs a little harder than he intended. “But that’s not really what I meant by an ‘Anne situation.’ I don’t want to get into it with someone just because I pity them, you know? I want there to be real chemistry, not just a savior complex. And it’s only been like, a month and a half. You know me, I like to evaluate all my options.”

“Other options? Now I’m interested,” Kaylee leaned in.

“Well, there’s Alex and Sebastian, other than Shane,” Seb said, counting them off on his fingers. “Alex is kinda extremely boneheaded, but he seems really nice. I overheard him talking to his dog one day about how they’d been through rough times. Sebastian-”

“There’s another Sebastian? What are the odds?” Kaylee interjected.

“I know right?” Seb laughed. “Sebastian is really into cars and motorcycles and does freelance programming. He looks kinda emo and never really leaves his room, but he’s fun to play video games with.

“...You’re not going to say anything about Shane?” Kaylee prompted.

“Oh! Shane works at the local Jojamart and essentially has a daughter named Jas. He drinks a lot and is super fucking rude to everyone that meets him at first, but apparently being able to hold my liquor earned me his respect and trust. He’s had a hard past too, but he’s working to make things better. I think he used to play gridball, too. He mentioned that he was gonna play for the Bucknuts at one point.”

“Damn! Not a single girl on that list,” Kaylee giggled. “You’ve got a hard choice to make, then.”

“I don’t have to make it right this second,” Seb said defensively. “And I dunno. I’ve been feeling less and less attracted to women recently. Maybe it’s just the women in the valley. Some of them… some of them are kind of awful,” he said, his thoughts drifting to Haley. 

“Nothing wrong with that,” Kaylee assured him. “We should finish up soon, if we’re gonna make it to Saks before all the middle-aged women.”

* * *

 

Seb posed in front of Kaylee, showing off a blue shirt. “What do you think? I figure I should actually match the color scheme, even if I’m not gonna wear the traditional outfit.”

“What does the traditional outfit look like?”

“It’s basically a blue jumpsuit with a blue coat thrown over it to make it look less like a jumpsuit.”

Kaylee wrinkled her nose. “Gross. I do like that blue on you. It compliments your eyes.”

“Kaylee, my eyes are black. Nothing compliments them.”

“Bull. Shit!” she proclaimed. “Everything compliments black. It’s the neutral to end all neutrals.”

“Whatever you say,” Seb chuckled. “Yay or nay?”

“Yay. Hard yay. You’ve put on some muscle since leaving. It really helps your figure.”

“What, not a fan of wimpy guys?” Seb laughed.

“No, I like twinks that aren’t gay.” Kaylee winked at him.

“Whatever,” Seb grinned. “What else should I get? I’m in need of more jeans, but I need something other than button-downs for my off days.”

Kaylee’s face lit up. “I thought you’d never ask. I was thinking about those flower print boots you had......”

* * *

 

“Do you think Seb will be at the Flower Dance tomorrow?” Emily asked Shane as she poured him a drink.

“Dunno. He’s been really busy with the farm. Barely seen him since Saturday,” Shane replied with a shrug.

“I heard you two went to Zuzu on Saturday,” Emily drawled, handing him his beer. “Did you have fun?”

“Yeah, it was pretty great.” Shane took a good gulp of his beer before continuing. “We went to this coffee shop called One Line and people watched and then to Lemongrass for dinner.”

Emily’s jaw dropped. “Seriously? I’ve only been to Lemongrass once. It. Was. SO. Good!”

“Sure was,” Shane smiled. “Seb’s got good taste.”

“He’s always so well-dressed too. He’s easily the most fashionable guy in this entire town. That’s the only reason Haley likes him at all.” Emily had a wistful look in her eyes as she continued. “And he’s so nice to everyone, even Linus. Sometimes he runs around giving gifts to people, not because it’s their birthdays or anything, but just because he thought they might like it.”

“Yeah?” Shane regarded Emily a little coldly. Something about the way she talked about Seb stirred up a little fire inside of him. “You look like you’re developing a crush.”

“Oh! No, no, no, no I’m not,” Emily quickly assured him. “He’s just really cool.”

“That he is,” Shane chuckled, drinking a little more beer.

“Do you think he’s taken a shine to anyone in particular?” Emily suddenly asked after a minute of silence. Shane froze, his beer an inch from his lips.

“Wouldn’t know,” Shane murmured. “I don’t really see much of what happens during the day.”

“No theories at all?”

“Nope.”

“Will you listen to my theory?”

“Sure.”

Shane tuned Emily out at this point and let her prattle on, sipping his beer and nodding whenever she looked at him for an opinion. Who Seb may or may not want to date was not something he wanted to think about.

* * *

 

Meanwhile, Seb had just come back from Zuzu, the back seat lined with department store bags. His phone buzzed as he threw the Genesis in neutral and let her coast down the hill to Silver Gully.

He glanced at his phone to find a text from Sebastian.

_‘Hey, can I come over for a bit?’_

Seb raised an eyebrow, but replied with the obvious answer.

_‘Sure thing. Need me to pick you up or nah?’_

_‘Nah, I can get there myself.’_

_‘Something bugging you?’_

_‘A lot of somethings.’_

_‘Got it. I’ll leave the door unlocked, just come in whenever you get here.’_

Seb threw his phone on the passenger seat as he pulled into the garage. “Wonder what’s got him needing to escape,” he murmured, yanking the parking brake into place.

* * *

 

Seb had just changed into some pajama pants and was holding a t-shirt when he heard the low rumblings of a motorcycle.

A few minutes after the rumbling cut out, Sebastian walked in, looking like he hadn’t slept in days.

“Oh hey! Sorry, I didn’t realize you would get here so fast.” Seb quickly pulled on the shirt he was holding.

“I rode here.”

“I noticed. Need a drink? Not to be mean or anything, but you look like you got hit by a ton of bricks.”

“A drink would be nice,” Sebastian said, plopping down on the couch and looking around. “Demetrius kicked me out for ‘disrespecting him,’ whatever that means. Didn’t want to stress Jodi more with my presence, so I figured I’d see if a friend could deal with me for the night.”

“Why not visit Abigail? She seems to like you quite a bit.” Seb turned around, and saw Seb’s face darken at the mention of Abigail. “Oh, I see. Won’t ask. What do you want to drink? I’ve got a menagerie of alcohol, as I’m sure you’ve heard. Seems like everyone’s been told at this point.” His tone had a hint of bitterness sprinkled in.

“Just fuck me up.” Sebastian ran his hands through his hair, eyes dark pools of anger. “Fuck me up as hard as you possibly can.”

“A clusterfuck it is,” Seb murmured, taking down five bottles of liquor and lining up three shot glasses beside a small pyrex measuring cup on the counter.

“Thanks,” Sebastian said, looking around the room. Something on the shelf above the TV caught his eye - amongst the Solarion Chronicles novels was a worn-looking Book of Yoba. “I didn’t know you were religious.”

Seb didn’t reply, which weirded Sebastian out. Then it clicked. “Is that actually a Book of Yoba?”

Seb bit his lip, then set down the unopened bottle of amaretto. “No, no it’s not. If anything, it’s the most blasphemous use of a holy book that has ever happened.”

Sebastian raised an eyebrow. “What is it, actually?”

“Promise not to judge?”

“Promise.”

“Promise this conversation stays between us?”

“Pinky promise.” Sebastian looked over at Seb quizzically, who looked like he was deciding just how much to tell his namesake.

Seb sighed. “Fuck it, if I can trust anyone in this town with this stuff, it’s you, what with the constant smell of weed in your room. Liquor’s not the only thing I collect. I’ve got a mess of drugs in that hollowed-out book.”

Sebastian’s eyebrows shot up into his bangs. “What kinds?”

“Mostly psychedelics. Strong shit. Mostly molly and ‘shrooms in the box, and some LSD in the fridge so that it doesn’t have potency issues. A few Xans in the box in case a trip goes bad. And I’ve got a solid amount of weed, too. Maybe two ounces.”

“Yoba, that’s a lot,” Sebastian chuckled. “I had no idea you were into drugs.”

Seb had a good laugh at that. “Drugs and alcohol were the only thing that kept me sane while Joja put me through the meat grinder. Mostly alcohol, though. Gotta be careful with psychs, or they’ll burn away your serotonin receptors. Drink?”

“I’ve never done any of those before,” Sebastian quietly mused, taking the drink from Seb and downing it with a shudder and a cough. “The only thing that’s easy to get around here is weed.”

“Yeah? I’ve yet to be propositioned with that.”

“Get to know Emily or Leah a little better, then.”

Seb laughed at that comment. “I knew it. I would’ve guessed stronger stuff was Emily’s purview, but I can also see Leah being the town weed supplier.”

“Oh, I wouldn’t doubt Emily’s into harder stuff. But she doesn’t offer it out, as far as I know.

“Wanna try a little molly and talk about your demons?” Seb offered. “It’ll feel a hell of a lot nicer afterwards than too many shots, as long as you don’t overdo it.”

“Sounds like a plan,” Sebastian grinned. “Why not acid? I’ve heard that’s a lot of fun.”

“Because a trip can last for 12 or more hours, and the flower dance is tomorrow. Molly usually goes for 3 or 4.”

“Why does that matter? I don’t even like the flower dance.”

“Well, I’ve never been, and I don’t particularly want to fend off people while tripping acid.” Seb got out his food scale and moved to get the drug box off the shelf. “And if you’re gonna trip, I’m gonna trip too. You said you’ve never rolled before?”

“Never.”

“How much do you weigh?”

“Hundred and thirty pounds.”

“Alright.” Seb pulled up his phone calculator and punched in a few numbers. “Ever snorted anything?”

“Nope. Why does my weight matter?”

“Kay.” Seb poured some distilled water into a small glass and mixed a little measure of white powder into the liquid. “Oral it is. And because weight is a decent way to ballpark your metabolism, which tells me how much molly I should be feeding you.”

* * *

 

“This feels… so nice.” Sebastian lounged on the couch, letting the overload of serotonin wash over him. “I’ve never felt this light.” A half-eaten plate of orange slices and a pack of gum sat on the table, as well as two empty glasses that had been full of water.

“Yeah?” Seb grinned over at him, laying sideways on his armchair and flipping through songs until he settled on some Oh Wonder. “I’m glad. Feeling less pressured?”

“God yes.”

“Excellent.”

They sat in silence for a little while, [letting the music wash over them.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F30G87zlRPw)

Sebastian broke that silence after a little while.

“Seb, how many people have you been with?”

“Oh, Yoba,” Seb laughed. “Do you want the honest answer?”

“I mean, yeah.”

“Do you mean actually had a relationship with, or just… fucked?”

“Anything that was… I dunno, repetitive?”

“So, not one night stands.”

“Yeah, that works.”

“Hmm… I think nine? Three dated, six friends with benefits.”

“Did you… did you ever feel like the person you were seeing was just using you?”

Seb chuckled. “All the time. That was kind of the basis of the friends with benefits relationships. What prompted that?”

“Well… I asked Abigail out a few years ago, and she said she didn’t want to go out. But then she started flirting with me, and one thing led to another, and suddenly we’re sneaking into each other’s rooms.”

“Yeah?” Seb sat up a little. He’d figured they were seeing each other in some fashion, but he’d assumed it was a romantic fashion.

“Yeah… I was into it for a while, cuz you know, I was getting laid, and I was hoping that she’d eventually feel the same as I did.”

“And that’s not happening.”

“Yeah… it’s starting to feel like she’s just using me as an easy lay. She’ll talk about her crushes from university while we’re laying in bed after, and I’m never on that list.”

“Good grief,” Seb said, a twinge of sadness in his voice. “I’m not a big fan of Abi, if we’re being honest - she’s rebellious for the sake of rebellion. She wants to do all of these wonderful things, all of these daring deeds, but she’s too rash about it all. No amount of swinging your sword around in the air will teach you how to find the right spot in a shadow brute.

“Not only that, you shouldn’t be using other people to prop up your self-esteem, but especially not without making that intent known. It’s cruel to use someone like that when they’re clearly expecting something else to come from the relationship.” Seb sighed. “I’m totally guilty of using sex to prop myself up. After my last girlfriend and I broke up, I spent a year hooking up with any person who wanted me. But anyone I hooked up with, I was up front - I’m looking for a quick lay, not anything serious.”

Sebastian looked at Seb with a little bit of wonder. “Are you always this eloquent?”

“Nah, you’ve caught me on a good day,” Seb laughed. “Usually I just kinda let people talk and nod along. And usually, that’s all people want.”

“Ever considered taking up counseling?” Sebastian inquired. “I feel like you’d be really good at it.”

“I did for a while,” Seb admitted. “But I have no desire to go back after I’d been out of college for so long, and a license to counsel requires a Masters or higher.”

“Gross.”

“You’re telling me.” Seb went back to his lounging position. “But yeah, that’s kind of a shit situation you’re in, bud.”

Sebastian snorted. “Thanks, captain obvious.” He paused for a long while. “You got out of situations like mine, though. How did you do it?”

“Painfully.” Seb stared at the ceiling, hands folded over his chest. “I was usually the one who developed the feelings. And as much as I wanted to keep waking up beside them, I had to get it through my head that they didn’t care WHO they were fucking, as long as they were fucking someone. It was one thing to mutually boost each other’s self-esteem, to mutually just want someone to fuck. But once that relationship changes, there’s a lot of emotional labor that’ll go to waste. Once I thought I understood that, it was a little easier.”

“What if that person is the only person who’s ever shown any interest in you?”

“That much I can’t help you with,” Seb sighed. “The nice thing about being born an extrovert and coming into a somewhat public position with a lot of money is that I was a constant interest, from both sides of the spectrum. But she can’t be the only person who’s shown interest in you.”

Sebastian chuckled darkly. “Easy enough for you to say. Sam’s got Penny, Harvey’s sort of got Maru, Alex has Haley. Hell, even Shane’s got Emily to talk to, and he’s an ass. All I’ve got is Abi, and she doesn’t even actually want me. It’s her or be alone.”

“You’re sure about that?”

“Are you saying you know something I don’t?”

“I’m saying things can change. Rather rapidly, honestly. People fall out and find comfort in others they never expected to. Have I ever told you about Kaylee?”

“Don’t think so. She a friend of yours?”

“For a while, she was my only friend in Zuzu,” Seb said. “She and I had worked together at a dining hall in Chaspool for nearly two years, then ended up in the same marketing team at Joja, but never saw much of each other outside of work and the Solarion Chronicles group that we and some other dining hall management formed. But when she broke up with her long-standing boyfriend, she found a shoulder to cry on with me.”

“Did you two get together over that?”

“For a little while. One night she was over and we were tripping acid together, and, well, one thing led to another. I was apparently a good lay, since she kept coming back for more when she was sober. We talked about getting together officially, instead of just rolling around in each other’s sheets, but some part of us knew that we were a product of convenience and pity. And I had just left a relationship born purely out of those things. There was no way I was doing that again.”

Sebastian smiled. “It’s nice to know someone else has been through the same paces.”

“A lot of people have said that to me. And it helps that I’ve got about five years on you.”

“Do you just have a thing for misfits?”

Seb smiled serenely. “I gravitate to the people who are most like me. Simple as that. Most people do the same thing.”

Three more hours passed, more fruit was cut up and devoured, and more discussion of life floated between the two of them. Once the feeling of serenity started to fade, Seb got up to rifle through his bathroom medicine cabinet.

“What’cha looking for?” Sebastian called out, the last orange slice in his hands.

“Some vitamins. Helps with the comedown,” Seb replied, coming back with a bottle of 5HTP and a bottle of Vitamin D supplements.

“How much of this stuff have you done?” Sebastian seemed surprised that he was so prepared.

“A lot. Enough that I’ve been accused of being a druggie. Here, take some now, and I’ll give you some to take tomorrow so that you don’t get hit with depression as hard.” Seb offered his namesake two pills, and he took them without much hesitation.

“Can I crash here? I don’t like the idea of riding while coming down,” Sebastian asked after swallowing the vitamins.

“Fine by me. Couch is all yours.” Seb smiled, clearly still feeling some of that serenity. “Get some rest, you’re gonna need it. We’re gonna be tired as shit tomorrow.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Long installment today. Thanks for keeping up with my weird publishing schedule, and thank you so much for reading!


	19. The Flower Dance

Sebastian woke up to the smell of pancakes and eggs. 

“Hey sleepyhead,” Seb said, gently shaking him awake. “It’s almost time for the flower dance. I made you some breakfast.” 

“What time do you even get up?” Seb quietly groaned. “It’s like 8 in the morning.” 

“Early,” Seb said simply. “Do you want some food or not? ‘Cause otherwise I’m gonna eat it all.” 

“Mmm… yeah, gimme a few,” Sebastian murmured, blinking the sleep out of his eyes. “God, I feel so drained.” 

“Just drained? Not gonna go jump off my roof?” Seb asked, a bit of anxiety in his voice. 

“No. Is that normal?” 

“It’s common enough that I always ask,” Seb sighed. “I left more vitamins on the table for you to post-load with. Should help keep you from falling into what some people call ‘Suicidal Tuesday.’” 

“But it’s Wednesday.” 

“Suicidal Wednesday, then. Take the vitamins, it’ll help.” 

“Thanks,” Sebastian said gratefully, getting up from the couch and stretching. “Not just for breakfast, but for taking care of me in general.” 

“Just doing what I wish people would’ve done for me when I first started dabbling.” 

“No, I mean in general. Letting me come over when Demetrius kicked me out for the night. Helping me work through feelings. That stuff.” Sebastian took his seat at the dining table across from Seb and started wolfing down his eggs. 

“Feel free to come vent whenever you need it,” Seb said with a smile. “I can’t feed you more molly for a while, otherwise we’ll burn out your brain, but I’ve got other things in the meantime. Eat up, I’m gonna get dressed.”    


* * *

 

Seb and Sebastian slowly made their way down to the Flower Dance, trying their hardest to blink the sleep out of their eyes. Coffee only did so much to alleviate sleep deprivation coupled with neurotransmitter exhaustion.

“God, those jumpsuits really are awful,” Seb remarked, looking Sebastian up and down. “They’re so tacky.” 

“You’re telling me,” Sebastian muttered. “I have to wear this every year. You’re a sight for sore eyes, though.”

“Yeah?” Seb tugged on his black tie, loosening it a bit. “Kaylee helped me pick everything out.” 

“She’s got good taste,” Sebastian grinned. “I wouldn’t mind this festival that much if I got to wear that instead of this bullshit.” 

Seb chuckled, and the two of them continued down towards the bridge to a section of land Seb had never been able to get to. 

“Ah, the two Sebastians!” Pierre exclaimed from behind his booth. Why he was selling things at a dance was beyond most people, but Pierre was a capitalist at heart - he only hated Joja because he wanted to BE Joja. “Care to buy some flowers?” 

“I’m good,” Seb replied, quickening his pace past Pierre’s booth. Once they were past, Seb turned to his namesake. “Wanna go hide among the food? I really don’t want to deal with people today.” 

“Sure thing,” Sebastian said, and they started fast walking towards the banquet tables. “At least you’re not already paired for this. I have to dance with Abigail or she’ll throw a fit.”

“Why?” Seb asked, grabbing a plate and loading it full of grapes. “I thought she didn’t like you that way.” 

“She doesn’t,” Sebastian sighed, stealing a grape off Seb’s plate. “She just wants the attention.” 

“And she expects you to give her that satisfaction.” 

“Pretty much.” 

“Gross. Can you get out of dancing?” 

“Not unless someone else asks me,” Sebastian looked down at his feet. “Lewis doesn’t let the single people get away with just not dancing. And pretty much everyone is paired off already.” 

“Again, gross,” Seb said through a mouthful of grapes. 

Sebastian nodded, and stole a few more grapes off the plate. “Do you have anyone in mind?” 

Seb shrugged. “I’m not much for dancing, and I don’t think anyone likes me well enough to dance with them. It’d be nice, just as a change of pace, but I dunno.” 

Sebastian glanced around at all the others. Elliot and Leah were standing by the water, making light conversation. Shane was talking… well… listening to Emily at the banquet table. Something about Haley. Sam was off on the side, playing a game on his JojaBoy. Penny and Maru were on the other side of the field, critiquing Harvey’s outfit. Haley was practicing her dance, while Alex leaned against the fence watching her. And Abigail was at the banquet table, grabbing a few cookies and smiling at Sebastian. That smile sent a mild chill down his spine and caused him to look away quickly. 

“Hey, Sebastian?” Seb looked over at his namesake, who was looking pointedly away from the banquet table. “You there?”

“Oh! Sorry, zoned out for a sec,” Sebastian said, a little flustered. 

“Wanna dance with me this year?” 

Sebastian froze. “You’re serious?” 

“Absolutely. It’ll free you up from Abigail, and it’ll let me dance with someone that doesn’t suck,” Seb laughed. “Everyone seems to be paired off already, so…” 

“Yeah, I’ll dance with you,” Sebastian grinned at Seb. “I hate dancing in the first place, but it’ll be nice to dance with someone I really like.”

* * *

 

“...and so Haley got all huffy with Seb but didn’t argue, probably because she thinks Seb’s hot or something,” Emily finished. She took a long swig of her punch before continuing. “I can barely stand my sister. It’s like she never left high school when she’s in her mid-twenties.” 

“Yeah?” Shane took a bite of a pepper popper and glanced over at Seb and Sebastian, who were quietly talking in the corner over a plate of grapes. Something about seeing the two of them together made a little ember of jealousy burn in Shane’s stomach, but he ignored it as best as he could. That was a feeling he wasn’t ready to confront yet. 

“Yeah. All she ever talks about is shopping and clothes. Like, there’s nothing wrong with being into fashion, but that’s all she’s into. No other interests. She’s just so one-sided.” 

“Sounds like a pain.” Shane finished his pepper popper and hazarded another glance at the two Sebastians. They both looked extremely tired, as if they’d been up all night. “Hey, how much do you know about Sebastian?” 

“Which one?” Emily perked up a little at the question. 

“Emo boy.” 

“Enough.” Emily glanced over at him right as he stole a grape off of Seb’s plate. “Hm. They look tired. Why? What’s bugging you?” 

“How close are he and Seb?” 

“Seemingly pretty close. Robin told me they really hit it off when they first met because of Seb’s car. Sebastian isn’t as close to Seb as he is to Abigail, but he and Abigail are basically in a relationship. Most people say she’s just using him, since she won’t make it official but still expects him to treat her like a princess, but… who knows.” 

“Cool.” Shane ate another pepper popper whole, feeling relieved as Mayor Lewis came to the mic. 

“May I have everyone’s attention! It’s time for the singles dance!” 

Shane and Emily both groaned, as well as a few of the other bachelors and bachelorettes. 

“No moaning and groaning! Find your partners and come to the center!” 

Shane watched as Abigail moved towards Sebastian and grabbed his arm. 

“Come on, Sebby,” she said sweetly. “It’s time!” 

“But-” Sebastian started, but Abigail cut him off. 

“No buts!” Abigail turned to him, a sickeningly sweet smile on her face. “You’re my partner! We’re dancing together!" 

“No, you’re not,” Seb said icily, grabbing Abigail’s wrist and glaring at her. “I asked him to dance with me this year, and he accepted.” 

“No you didn’t. Right, Sebby? You’re MY partner!” 

“No,” Sebastian groaned. “He asked me first. I accepted.” 

“You’re lying,” Abigail said accusingly. “You just want to get out of dancing!” 

Seb put himself in between his namesake and Abigail, and spoke in a deadly calm voice. “I asked him and he accepted. You didn’t even bother to ask, you just assumed. How presumptuous of you. Now get out of our way; we have a dance to dance.” 

Abigail looked like she was ready to retort, but a glance around revealed that all eyes were on her. 

“You don’t want to look like a raging bitch in front of the whole town, do you?” Seb growled, a small smile on his face as he glared down at Abigail. “I’m dancing with Sebastian. Make your scene or move.” 

Abigail looked up at Seb, who easily had six inches on her height-wise, looked at Sebastian, who looked like he wanted to shrivel up and die of embarrassment, and looked back at the crowd. She crossed her arms and stepped aside, fuming in her frilly dress, and stared down Seb with a look of fury. 

“Good grief,” Emily murmured beside Shane as they moved towards the center of the clearing. “I’ve never seen Seb angry before.” 

“Neither have I. And I don’t want to see it again,” Shane replied quietly, glancing over at the two Sebastians, who had taken their places at the end of the line. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, I apologize for the amount of time that's between updates. I live a hectic life. Thanks as usual for reading!


	20. The Luau

“We’ll be hanging out over there if you want to join us!” Sam said to Sebastian. Penny smiled in agreement and moved away with Sam, leaving Sebastian alone by a tiki poll. 

Sebastian glanced over at the docks. The wizard stood where he normally did during the rain, looking out over the sea. Abigail stood closer to the beach, the wind blowing her hair around in beautiful purple ripples. 

Abigail had held his interest for a very, very long time. She was her own person, and no one was going to bring her down for it. She was the epitome of a strong, independent woman, and all that coupled with her witchy tendencies drove Sebastian crazy. 

She’d been so nice to him, too. When people like Haley had shunned him and made fun behind his back, she had sat there under the bleachers with him. 

But when he finally worked up the courage to ask him out when they graduated high school, he had gotten an answer he didn’t want to hear. 

“I don’t think I’m ready for any serious relationship. Not when I’m headed off to college. Not until I get my life together.” 

Then Abigail disappeared off to college in Zuzu while Sebastian worked on his coding skills. She’d call him crying at least once a month, talking about how some boy broke her heart. Painful conversations for Sebastian - he’d been led to believe that she wasn’t ready for anything like that, yet here she was, crying about how her latest boyfriend broke up with her because of this and that. 

Eventually Abigail came back to Pelican Town and continued her degree online, citing homesickness and people spreading rumors about her. And the first place Sebastian had found Abi upon her return was in his bed, wearing nothing at all. 

He thought he was golden. That the girl of his dreams finally wanted him. But she hadn’t wanted  _ him _ . Maybe his body against hers, and his attention, but she didn’t seem to have any feelings for him. 

God, that revelation sucked. 

But what was he supposed to do? No one else paid attention to him like she did. No one else understood his darkness, or at least tolerated it as well as she did. 

Not until recently, at least. 

Sebastian glanced over at the path through the trees that led from the beach to Pelican Town. His namesake had yet to make an appearance at the Luau, despite him promising Sebastian that he would be there. Though he said he might be late, since he had to deal with his farm, Sebastian hadn’t expected him to be nearly 4 hours late to the start. 

And with Abigail now shunning him after the scene at the Flower Dance, he had no one to talk to. So he pulled out his phone and started flicking through his Solarion Chronicles forum, looking for potential new homebrew to run. 

After what seemed like an hour of scrolling, someone tapped him on the shoulder. 

“Hey, sorry I’m so late,” Seb greeted Sebastian, leaning up against the tiki pole beside him. He had a foam cooler in his hands.  “I got sidetracked by Ming. He somehow got onto the roof of my house. Cats, am I right?” 

“Of course he did,” Sebastian laughed. “I was starting to worry you were never gonna show up. What’s in the cooler?” 

“My contribution to the luau,” Seb replied, shaking the cooler a little. “Caught an absolutely massive catfish yesterday. Three feet long! Scaled and deboned it and put it on ice for the soup.” 

“That’s… too big,” Sebastian laughed. “I guess Willy wasn’t kidding when he said some absurdly large fish make their homes in the valley.” 

“He really wasn’t.” Seb paused for a moment. “Did you bring anything?” 

“Nah, I can’t really cook or anything.” Sebastian sighed. “Mom never taught me how.” 

“No? Why not?” Seb asked, gesturing for Sebastian to follow him to the soup cauldron as he spoke. 

“She’s always so busy,” Sebastian explained. “Usually it’s Demetrius who cooks, and I… well… you know how I feel about Demetrius.” 

“Yeah… I get that.” Seb threw the massive catfish filets into the soup, earning an approving nod from Marnie. “Well, I know how to cook some stuff, if you ever want to learn.” 

“I’ll keep that in mind,” Sebastian smiled. “Wanna come chill on the docks? It’s cooler out near the water.” 

“Sure, in a bit. I want to talk to Shane some,” Seb replied, stuffing the cooler into a trash can. 

* * *

 

“God, nothing beats Gus’ hot pepper chutney,” Shane grinned, dipping calamari rings into the spicy sauce. “Can’t get anything like it in the city.” 

“So I took you to Lemongrass for nothing, eh?” Seb teased him, stealing a calamari ring for himself. 

“Oh, I didn’t mean it like that.” Shane bumped Seb’s shoulder with his own. “Oh, Marnie wanted me to ask. Do you want to join us for dinner sometime next week? She wanted to repay you for getting a cave carrot for her goats.” 

“I’d love to. Should I bring some dessert?”

“I’m sure Jas would love that. You throw in anything for the soup?” 

“Yeah, I caught a massive catfish for the soup. Hopefully it meshes with all the other ingredients. Pelican Town should  _ really  _ be coordinating what everyone puts in the soup, that way it’s not just a fish and a prayer.” 

“Yeah, well, maybe when Lewis gets his head out of his ass something like that will happen,” Shane murmured, glancing over at Lewis and the governor and snorting. “Maybe when he realizes that snuggling up with the governor doesn’t really get us anything.” 

“Yeah, but that’ll mean that he doesn’t care enough for a coordinated soup,” Seb pointed out. 

Shane rolled his eyes as Lewis called for everyone’s attention. 

“Well, everyone… it’s time to taste the Luau soup! I hope everyone put in quality ingredients this year.” Lewis glared at Sam, who turned away to hide his giggles. “We don’t want the governor to regret his visit to the valley. Will you do the honors, sir?” 

“I’d love to!” said the portly man in purple. Seb had seen him in Zuzu before, but had never made the connection that he was the governor. He pulled a spoon from his pocket and dipped it into the soup. 

It seemed like the entire population of Pelican Town was holding their breath as the governor considered the soup. 

“Oh my… oh my, oh my! That’s the best soup I’ve ever tasted!” the governor declared, grabbing a bowl off the buffet table and scooping soup out of the trough. “Lewis, you must try it!” 

Lewis raised an eyebrow as he dipped his own spoon into the trough and took a sip. That skepticism melted away as he tasted the soup, to be replaced with a look of excitement. “My word! Everyone, come have a taste! It’s excellent!” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> God, I am so very sorry I've been gone for a while. College has really picked up. There was a lull this week, so I have a new chapter! 
> 
> Thanks, as usual, for reading and leaving feedback! I really do appreciate it!


	21. Sam's Birthday

Seb was very slowly pouring heavy cream into the bowl of his stand mixer when he heard a knock on his door.

“Door’s unlocked!” he yelled as loudly as he could, keeping his attention on the mixture’s consistency. It was starting to get where he wanted it, but wasn’t quite there.

“Hey, sorry to intrude,” Sebastian called from the living room, closing the door behind him. “I’ll come back when Sam shows up.”

“No, no, you’re fine,” Seb assured Sebastian with a wave of his hand. “I just have to make sure this gets to the right thickness. Care for a drink? I’ve got some raspberry iced tea in the fridge.”

“A drink is always nice.” Sebastian went into the kitchen and peered into the stand mixer’s bowl. “What’s that?”

“The beginnings of chocolate buttercream icing,” Seb replied. “I got hold of the Queen of Sauce’s cake recipe.”

“For Sam?”

Seb nodded. “I figured Jodi would make him a cake, but I love cooking and baking for others. Never too much cake. Oh, by the way…”

“Hmm?”

“I’ve got something for you. Can you watch this mixture and stop the mixer when it looks like frosting?”

“Oh, yeah, sure.” Sebastian got up and manned the mixer while Seb disappeared into his bedroom. The mixer whirred and whirred while Seb rummaged around in a drawer.

When the frosting seemed done, Sebastian switched off the mixer and dipped his finger into the mix like he’d seen Jodi do so many times to sample the frosting.

“Hey, who said you could sample?” Seb said from behind him, making Sebastian jump.

“Don’t sneak up on me like that,” Sebastian said indignantly, sucking the frosting off his finger.

“I’ll do whatever I please in my house,” Seb retorted, playfully punching Sebastian in the shoulder. “How is it?”

“Really good. Chocolatey. Smooth, and not overwhelmingly sweet.” Sebastian licked his lips. “You had something for me?”

Seb handed his namesake a small bundle of red cloth. “I think you’ll appreciate this.”

“What, a bundle of cloth? Sounds more like Emily’s speed.”

“No, the thing in the cloth.”

Sebastian raised an eyebrow as he unwrapped the little bundle, and stared in awe at its contents.

“Obsidian. Clint cracked open a geode for me, and it looked like something you’d enjoy,” Seb said, rummaging around in his baking cabinet.

“I really love this… how did you know?” Sebastian inquired, a warm smile on his lips.

“Lucky guess. Haven’t met a single emo guy who didn’t like a shiny black rock.” Seb took a few tubes of blue and red food coloring paste out of a small box and added some to the frosting with a toothpick. “I hope Sam likes blue. I went a little nuts with the food coloring.”

“Yeah?” Sebastian glanced into the oven, where three circular cake pans were baking. “Oh, wow. Those are all blue.”

“Blue and brown isn't weird, right?” As Seb asked that, someone knocked on the door. “Oh shit, is that Sam already?”

“Looks like it,” Sebastian replied, glancing out the curtained window. “He must have gotten off work early.”

“Can you distract him for me? Take him to the Saloon or something? I have to finish his cake, and that’s gonna take at least another few hours!”

“...fine. But you owe me for this. Something fancy.”

“I’ll take it.”

* * *

 

“Oh, hey Sebastian!” Sam said excitedly. “Can I come in? Seb told me that he had something special for me today.”

“He’s not done with it. He told me to buy him time. Wanna play some pool?” Sebastian suggested nonchalantly.

“Uh… sure. I guess any day is good to get my ass kicked.” Sam started off in the direction of town, Sebastian following him. “Hey, I uh… I wanted to ask you something.”

“Hmm?”

“Is Abigail still giving you the cold shoulder?”

“Yeah…” Sebastian sighed. “She’s still pissed about the Flower Dance, I guess.”

“I would be too, if I’d been made a fool in front of the entire town,” Sam shrugged.

“That was entirely her fault,” Sebastian said defensively. “It’s not my fault Seb wanted to dance with me. She didn’t have to throw a bitch fit over the whole thing.”

“I’m not disagreeing with you,” Sam replied. “I’m just saying, it makes sense. I hope she comes out of it soon, though. She’s only making her situation worse.”

“Yeah. And it means I spend less on… well, you know.”

“Mhm. Less fucking means less trips to the clinic for both of you.”

* * *

 

“I… I won! Holy shit, I won!” Sam whooped, throwing his pool cue in the air. “That NEVER happens!”

“Happy birthday, from me,” Sebastian chuckled. “You finally get to win.”

“That was great. Do you think Seb’s done with his surprise? And do you think it involves food? ‘Cuz I’m starving.”

“Oh, it most definitely does. Let’s get going,” Sebastian replied, finishing off his hard iced tea and heading to the saloon door.

On the way to the farm, Sam heard someone running up behind them. He turned to see a swath of purple hair pounding the cobblestones.

“Abigail?”

“Hey, wait up guys!” she shouted, running towards them. The two stopped and let her catch up.

“You done ignoring me?” Sebastian asked, a little miffed.

“Yes. So done. It’s been dull without you…” she drawled, grabbing Sebastian’s hand. “I was hoping you’d be down for a little company.”

“Really? In front of me?” Sam rolled his eyes and made a gagging noise, earning an eye roll from Abigail.

“Uh… We’re actually going to celebrate Sam’s birthday with Seb,” Sebastian said carefully, not meeting Abigail’s eyes. “Did you forget about his birthday?”

“Maybe a little.”

“Some friend you are,” Sam murmured. “C’mon, I wanna see what Seb’s big surprise is.”

“Do you think he’d mind if I tagged along?” Abigail asked, her voice just a little too chipper.

“I doubt he’d care. We better hurry, though.” Sebastian turned on his heel and started briskly walking down the path to Silver Gully Farm, dragging Abigail along.

* * *

 

_“Happy birthday to you,_

_Happy Birthday to you,_

_Happy birthday dear Sammy,_

_Happy birthday to you!”_

Sam huffed, Sam puffed, and he blew his candles out. Twenty-three silver candles dotted the surface of the cake.

“Here ya go, Sam,” Seb chuckled, handing him a piece of cake. “Happy 23rd. I’m surprised you didn’t want to have this moment with your mom.”

“She made me a cake this morning,” Sam replied as he took his piece of cake. “No such thing as too much cake. And you guys make great food.”

“I’m flattered. Abi, some cake?”

“Oh, yes please!” Abigail replied, her voice still just a little too chipper as she received her cake.

“And Sebastian. Cake?”

“Is that even a question?” Sebastian laughed, taking a slice of cake.

The four ate in silence for a while, with Abigail batting her lashes at Sebastian and the other two pretending not to notice.

“Well. I don’t think a birthday is truly celebrated without a little bit of inebriation,” Seb said, breaking the silence. “Anyone care for a drink?”

“God, yes,” Sam replied, sounding like he hadn’t had alcohol in years. “You got cranberry juice?”

“Always. Cranberry and vodka, got it. Sebastian, Abigail, want anything?”

“I’m good,” Abigail replied.

“That one drink you made me a bit ago, the one with Joja Mist,” Sebastian ordered.

“You got it.” Seb got up and moved to his liquor cabinet and started pulling bottles out. Sam also got up to help mix drinks.

“Have you visited the clinic recently?” Abigail whispered to Sebastian, who turned a dull shade of pink.

“No… You were ignoring me for like a week, remember? And I used the last one a few days before the Flower Dance…”

“You should’ve gotten more,” Abigail quietly scolded. “We can’t do anything without a condom!”

“I know, I know, I’m sorry,” Sebastian whispered, somewhat annoyed. “I’ll get some more when I have a chance.”

“One ‘Misty Visions’ for my namesake,” Seb announced, setting a glass filled with whipped cream vodka, triple sec, and Joja Mist in front of Sebastian. “Abi, are you sure you don’t want anything?”

“Absolutely sure,” Abigail replied. “Who’s gonna take the two of them home tonight if I get drunk?”

“Fair enough.” Seb mixed himself a ‘Misty Visions’ as well and held up his glass for a toast. “To Sam surviving!”

“To Sam surviving,” everyone else replied, downing their drinks with a few coughs and sputters.

“Hey, Seb. I bet I can take more shots than you!” Sam called out, slamming down his drink.

“Oh, boy, you don’t wanna mess with the master,” Seb chuckled menacingly. “Fine. Sebastian, care to line up some shots for us?”

“With pleasure,” Sebastian replied, grabbing a bottle of tequila from the cabinet and ten shot glasses.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's winter break and I finally have time to write, so I'm gonna be updating this a few times! 
> 
> The "Misty Visions" drink is an actually tasty drink. It's very, very sweet, so not for everyone, but if you leave out the triple sec it's still really good. 
> 
> Anyway. A little bit of drama to come. Stay tuned...


	22. The Morning After

Sebastian woke up to a pounding headache, missing clothing, and a sleeping Abigail beside him.

“Fuck… how much did I have?” he murmured, sitting up in the dark and turning on the lamp beside his bed. “Oh, god, no…”

He wasn’t wearing anything, and there was a used condom on the floor. Not that hard to put two and two together. He vaguely remembered stripping Abigail as they kissed, but not much beyond that.

“Fuck me…”

“I tried,” Abigail piped up, sitting up in the bed with the blanket clutched to her chest. “You couldn’t keep it up. I guess the alcohol got the best of you?”

“Yeah… I guess.” Sebastian picked up the condom and threw it away, before turning to Abigail. “How many drinks did I have? Where did you find a condom?”

“I dunno. You really seem to like whatever’s in the ‘Misty Visions’ though,” Abigail giggled. “You kept trying to get me to try some. And Seb had a condom. Threw it at us and said to get a room.”

“That’s because those drinks are great,” Sebastian said colorlessly. “You should probably get out of here.”

“Why? I’m comfortable,” Abigail pouted.

“Because I have work to do, and you tend to be a distraction when I’m working.”

“Don’t act like you don’t love it,” Abigail purred, dropping the blanket to reveal her perky boobs.

Sebastian blushed and looked away. “Please. I need to work.”

“Whatever. You’ll come around soon enough,” Abigail sang, getting up and pulling her clothes back on. “Will I see you tonight?”

“We’ll see.” Sebastian pulled on his hoodie over his bare chest and slipped into a pair of boxer briefs before moving to his computer. Out of his hoodie he pulled his phone. He scrolled to his namesake’s contact and started typing a message.

* * *

 

Buzz buzz.

Seb woke up as Sebastian’s text came through.

 

_Hey… how drunk was I when Abigail took me home?_

_Wow, you’re up early. And you seemed mostly okay. You guys started making out and getting handsy while I was getting my ass beat by Sam in Stick Fight._

_Oh. Who started it?_

_You. You said something about missing her, and then the face sucking began._

_...great. Drunk me is a pushover._

_I’ve got to get out of this before I do something stupid.  
_

_You guys are using condoms, right? I threw one at her, I hope it got used._

_Yeah._

_Is she on birth control?_

_No. Her parents search her room, and she doesn’t want to get caught with any.  
_

 

_Fair, I suppose. Even with condoms, you’re playing with fire, you know? And from what you told me before the flower dance, you’re not exactly in a healthy relationship in the first place._

_You’re not wrong._

_I dunno. I’m just scared of being alone, you know?_

_No one else in town has any interest in me. Not sexually, and especially not romantically.  
_

_Still. Maybe it would be better for you to be alone for a while._

_If you say so._

Seb put down his phone and moved to get dressed. He didn’t mind playing counselor, and he knew how hard it was to end something like that, but Yoba, did it hurt to see Sebastian taken advantage of.

Buzz buzz.

Seb glanced at his phone again as he pulled his pants and shirt on. It was Shane this time. He’d probably just woken up for work.

 

_Hey Seb, you gonna be at the Saloon tomorrow?_

_Probably. Why?  
_

_Gus got a karaoke machine. Figured you’d wanna see the insanity of Pelican Town trying to sing._

_Oh, that’ll be rich. Yeah, I’ll make sure I’m there tomorrow. You headed to work?  
_

_Yeah, in a few. You doing anything fun today?_

_I’m headed to Zuzu once my crops are watered and chickens are loved. Gotta get babe’s oil changed.  
_

_Oh, you’re one of *those* guys._

_What’s wrong with regular maintenance?  
_

_No, I mean you call your car ‘babe.’_

_What’s wrong with loving my car?  
_

_It can’t love you back._

_Nothing with a pulse has loved me in years, Shane. And she can’t break my heart.  
_

_Whatever. I’m going to work, car fucker. You’re having dinner with us tonight, right?_

_Of course. Try not to punch Morris.  
_

_No promises._

Seb put his phone in his pocket and headed out into the fields to check on his melons, blueberries, and chickens. A barn was going up on one of the islands near the edge of his property, but that wouldn’t be ready for another few days.

* * *

 

“Hey friend!” Kaylee yelled out the window of her SUV. “Get in!”

“Thanks for picking me up,” Seb said as he got in. “I know it was short notice, but-”

“No apologizing.” Kaylee shifted into drive and backed out of the dealership lot. “I’m just sorry my ride isn’t as glamorous as yours.”

“Yeah, well, sports cars aren’t the best for everyone. Like farmers in the middle of the goddamn valley, for instance, where the roads are dirt and salt probably doesn’t exist.”

“Are you saying you’re gonna get rid of the Genesis?” Kaylee raised an eyebrow.

“By no means,” Seb snorted. “She’s my baby. I’ll just throw winter tires on her and hope for the best.”

“Whatever you say,” Kaylee laughed. “So how’s farming?”

“Pretty good. It’s not nearly as profitable as directing marketing, but I’m comfortable. I have less recurring expenses, which helps a lot.” Seb looked out the window as Kaylee accelerated onto the highway. “I own a home, utilities are cheaper than in Zuzu, I’m getting to the point where I grow enough that I don’t really have to grocery shop...”

“God, I wish I didn’t have to pay rent,” Kaylee groaned. “You’re a lucky bastard. So it’s fun? Are you getting to know people better?”

“Yeah!” Seb’s head snapped away from the window. “It turns out that most of the townsfolk are rather nice. Clint’s a little bit neckbeard-y, Lewis is… pretentious, but kind enough, Alex is a dumbass but has a huge heart, and Haley is an airhead but is starting to be nice to me. I think she’s recognized that I’m a cake source.”

“I mean, I’d be nice to anyone who keeps baking me cake,” Kaylee laughed. “Where do you want to go, by the way? I’ve got yet another spot I’m dying to take you to. Food from the Gotoro Empire!”

“Curious. Let’s try that.”

* * *

 

“Detergent’s right here,” Shane grumbled in his best customer facing voice, before retreating into the store room for more product.

Once away from the prying eyes of Morris, he pulled his phone out of his pocket. No messages. Not unusual - most people in Pelican Town didn’t even have his number. It was somewhat disappointing to see no texts from Seb, which surprised him. Weren’t oil changes usually long waits?

His disappointment was replaced with confusion. Why did he care in the first place? Seb knew he was at work. And while he and Seb were close, it’s not like they were best friends or anything. Seb's best friend seemed to be his namesake. 

“Could I get customer service to the front please?” the cashier’s voice rang out from the intercom, getting a groan from Shane as he shuffled out of the store room. Cashiering was his least favorite job, but the cashier was a new hire and kept getting locked out of her register. They aren’t called POSes for nothing.

* * *

 

Sebastian drummed his fingers against his desk, occasionally glancing at his screen. The compiler took a little while, and with no one else online, there wasn’t much to do except watch digital paint dry.

His mind drifted to the Luau. Not much had happened there this year. In previous years he and Abigail would swim to the lonely rock past the pier. Every kiss that they shared there was like a dream come true to him. With her, he felt no anxiety. No sadness. Every moment with her was spiked with dopamine.

Could he really stand to give that up? Sure, she was a flawed individual. Sure, she was moody and possessive. But she was the girl of his dreams. No one could compare to her. No one in town, at least.

But something felt really off about last night. He had never been that drunk before, and subsequently the whole night was a haze. He was in no state of mind to be getting it on. Yet she had taken him home and crawled into his bed.

He had been taken advantage of, and it was an awful feeling.

His thoughts were interrupted by a pleasant Ding! From his computer. His program was finished compiling. No errors.

Sebastian ran the program and tried a few of the inputs. All responded as expected. A little grin played at his lips as he looked with pride at his completed program. Time to ship it off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little regret. Maybe a little comfort in the future. And a little bit of confusion with Shane. 
> 
> As usual, thanks for reading and leaving kudos and comments!


	23. Karaoke

Shane stood in his usual corner at the Saloon, nursing a beer and watching the door. Seb should be here any minute…

Emily tapped him on the shoulder. “Hey, wanna sing some karaoke with me?”

“I’d sooner deepthroat a cactus,” Shane snorted, taking a sip of his beer. “Go ask Demetrius, I’m sure he’s drunk enough for that.”

“Nah, he’s no good at singing,” Emily sighed.

“And you think I am?”

“I dunno! I’ve never heard you sing!”

“I’m garbage at it, as I’m garbage at most things.” Shane stared down into his drink.

The door jingled as it swung open, and in walked Seb, looking rather disheveled and reeking of pine sap.

“Cutting down trees?” Shane asked him as Seb took his usual seat beside Shane.

“How could you tell?” Seb chuckled, taking the beer Emily handed him.

“You smell like trees. And you have pine needles in your hair,” Shane replied, plucking a few needles out of Seb’s hair. “Busy day?”

“Yeah. Farm chores, then trees, then drinking. Band practice tomorrow.” Seb took a gulp of his beer. “How was your day?”

“Usual. Morris was insufferable. Nothing out of the ordinary.”

“Wait, Seb, did you say you had band practice tomorrow?” Emily interjected.

“You heard right.”

“Like… with Sam’s band?”

“Yeah. Why?”

“What do you play?”

“Vocals.”

“Vocals?”

“Yeah… why?” Seb raised an eyebrow at Emily, who seemed to be brimming over with excitement.

“You’ve gotta sing karaoke with me!” she exclaimed, slamming her hands onto the bar and drawing the eye of everyone within ten feet.

“Uh…”

“Do you know Oh Wonder?”

“Yeah, actually.” Seb perked up a bit. “What are you thinking?”

“Overgrown.” Emily’s face dropped a little bit. “You probably don’t know that one…" 

“Oh, I know that one pretty well.” Seb glanced at Shane, who was staring in utter confusion, then continued. “Tell you what. I’ll sing karaoke with you if Shane and I get a free round of shots.”

“Deal. Let’s do this!” Emily came out from behind the bar, grabbed Seb’s wrist, and practically dragged him up to the little stage that had replaced the corner table of the Saloon.

* * *

 

Sebastian was lining up his shot when he heard a familiar singing voice from the other side of the saloon.

Seb’s voice wasn’t as noticeable as it would have been alone, and Emily’s high notes practically drowned him out. But it was there.

 

_“Hanging on a silver string_

_All the love that we could've been_

_Summer fading out the spring_

_Feel the warmth underneath your wings_

_And I will never let you go…”_

“Sebastian, you still there?” Sam poked Sebastian with his pool cue, snapping him back to the game.

“Sorry. I’ve never really listened to Seb singing. Usually I’m so focused on making sure I play the right chords.” Sebastian finished lining up his shot and took it, sending the cue ball into the mess and sinking two out of three of his balls into the pockets.

“How are you so good at this?” Sam demanded, lining up his shot and sinking one ball, but also getting a scratch as the cue ball sank into the pocket with his sunken ball.

“Practice.”

“But I’ve been playing as long as you have!”

“Mastery comes at different times for different people,” Abigail piped up. “It seems Sebby’s threshold was less than yours.”

“Oh shut it,” Sam rolled his eyes. “I’ll get this down eventually.”

Five turns later, Sebastian sank the 8 ball.

“I win again. Drinks anyone?”

“Please,” Sam groaned. “A screwdriver, if you’d be so kind.”

“I could go for a cosmo,” Abigail replied, glancing up from her phone.

 _‘Probably texting some guy she met in Zuzu,’_ Sebastian thought sadly as he headed to the bar.

Seb and Emily continued on to the next verse as he ordered the drinks.

 

“ _Promise I will never run_

_Catching fire, let the light become_

_Shallow edges of the sun_

_Feel the heat, hold it in your lungs_

_Never could've loved you more_

_By your side in a quiet roar_

_This is what my hope is for_

_Watch you float when the water's gone…”_

Sebastian felt a twinge of longing as he watched the two of them perform. They weren’t signing the song for anyone in particular, he was sure, but the way they moved made them seem like a couple serenading. Something he would never have…

“Your drinks, Sebastian,” Gus announced, handing him the two glasses. “On Sam’s tab?”

“I assume so,” Sebastian replied, tearing his gaze away from Seb and Emily as they moved into the chorus.

 

_“I never get high when you're feeling low_

_I'm pulling down stars just to make you glow_

_It's just the way you are when you're overgrown_

_And in the middle of the night when you're on your own_

_I'm chasing down light in the indigo_

_It's just the way you are when you're overgrown_

_And I will never let you go_

_No I will never let you go…”_

“I’m not going home with her tonight,” Sebastian murmured to himself as he carried the drinks over to his friends.

As Seb and Emily finished their song, cheers and clapping erupted from the saloon. It seemed everyone had turned their heads to watch, and they were impressed. The two of them bowed, then headed back to their usual places.

“I had no idea you had that in you,” Shane said, impressed. “Like, I knew you were a musician, but I didn’t know you sang.”

“Yeah, that was my thing in Zuzu when I first moved there. Sang for Pacific Pursuit.” Seb leaned up against the fireplace and took the free shot he’d earned for the two of them. “We never got big, and the band broke up after the second singer fucked the drummer’s girlfriend.”

“What the fuck?” Shane said incredulously, taking his shot as well.

“Yeah, that’s exactly what I said,” Seb chuckled. “It was a wild time. I lived in a 200 square foot studio and drove a hand-me-down Honda Civic. But I was as close to being a rockstar as I would ever be.”

“Humble beginnings for someone that drives a sports car in the country,” Shane teased, flagging down Emily for another beer. “Want another?”

“Nah, I think I’m gonna be headed home. I'm pretty tired.” Seb hopped off his barstool and turned to head out. “I’ll see you on the flip side, man.”

“See ya, Seb.” Shane took his beer from Emily and watched Seb over the rim of his glass as he left.

“You look at him like he’s the only thing in the world, you know?” Emily rested her elbows on the bar and grinned at Shane.

“Hush.” Shane looked down into his beer, a dull blush creeping up his cheeks. “He’s just… a really great friend, you know? I’m not used to people being nice to me.”

* * *

 

“Well, I think I’m gonna call it a night,” Sam announced, setting his pool cue down on the table. “That’s plenty of losses I think.”

“Fair enough,” Sebastian conceded, setting his cue down as well and stretching. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Once Sam left, Abigail got up from her couch. “Another row of wins. Doesn’t it get boring?”

“Not really. Sam improves every time, just not a ton.” Sebastian looked pointedly at the ceiling, readying himself for what was coming next.

“Why don’t we get out of here too? I could use a little of your attention…” Abigail purred, batting her eyes as she moved towards Sebastian.

“Uh… I actually…”

“Huh?”

“I actually had plans for afterwards,” Sebastian blurted out.

“What? With who?”

“Seb. He was gonna show me a new game he bought.”

“Oh…”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean-”

“No, you’re okay.” Abigail huffed. “I just thought you liked me more than video games.”

Sebastian stared at her in silence. He DID like her more than video games, but he also wasn’t happy with being an easy lay. He was willing to bet money that she had spent all night texting her college crush.

“Whatever. I’ll see you Sunday night.” Abigail paused, then continued: “If you decide I’m more interesting than your computer screen, anyway.” Then she walked out, leaving Sebastian alone in the game room.

As soon as he was sure she wasn’t coming back, Sebastian let out a huge sigh. He’d done it. He’d resisted her.

Now he’d just have to do it again, and again, and again…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little bit of singing! And a little bit of courage. 
> 
> I wish I could update this as often as I am currently. But another semester is bearing down on me, unfortunately. 
> 
> Thanks for all the comments and kudos!


	24. Somber Songs

“Alright, so how about this?” Sam played a few chords on his guitar.

It was the next Saturday. The four had finished a song the week before, and were now trying to write a new one.

“I mean, I think that’s fine, but we still don’t know what we’ll put it to,” Sebastian replied, absentmindedly drumming his fingers on his synth. “Seb, any ideas?”

“I think it would sound good as an acoustic set of chords,” Seb mused. “It’s a kind of melancholy set. We would need some melancholy lyrics.”

“What can we write about that’s sad?” Sam thought aloud. “Other than Sebastian.”

Abigail giggled and played a little “ba dum tss” on her drum kit, earning an annoyed glare from Sebastian.

“I’ve got something. Here.” Seb flipped through his notebook to one of the first pages, and sang a few lyrics:

 

_“Get me out of this god-forsaken city,_

_Let me start over somewhere new._

_All my friends have turned up missing_

_I can’t blame it on my youth.”_

“Hey, that’s not bad.” Sam switched from his electric guitar to his acoustic. “Here, sing that again, I’ll try and play with you.”

Seb sang out his lyrics again, and Sam strummed his chords.

“It’ll take a bit of polishing, but I think you’ve got something,” Abigail said, impressed.

“Okay, so how do we build up this song? What’s next?” Sam asked excitedly.

“How about:

 

_Throw a coin in a well of wishing,_

_Pay my toll to just move on.”_ Abigail sang, her voice wavering between on and off-key.

 

“How about _throw my heart_ instead of _throw a coin?”_ Sebastian interjected. “That way it’s a heavier toll? And you pay your heart for friends, so by losing all of them, you threw your heart away.”

Everyone paused and looked at Sebastian in surprise.

“What? Too emo?” he asked, a defiant edge in his voice.

“No, no, that was actually really good,” Seb assured him. “Here, let’s try it. One, two, ready, and…

 

_Get me out of this god-forsaken city,_

_Let me start over somewhere new._

_All my friends have turned up missing_

_I can’t blame it on my youth._

_Throw my heart in the well of wishing,_

_Pay my toll to just move on._

_Ask myself to please forgive me,_

_All my innocence is gone.”_

“Guys, I think we’ve got something here!” Sam exclaimed excitedly. “Alright, a little bit of a new song written. Let’s practice the one we figured out last week.”

Abigail counted them off, and the four [delved into their music.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MZcuRa8Z4fU)

* * *

 

“There you are, I’ve been looking all over!” Seb said, jogging up to Shane in one of Pierre’s aisles.

“I’m here every Saturday. Gotta get groceries sometime,” Shane replied, opening the freezer door and gazing at the selection of frozen meals. “Joja has more variety, but I hate giving money to Morris.”

“Are frozen foods all you ever eat?”

“Pretty much.” Shane grabbed a few pizzas, a tray of macaroni and cheese, and several boxes of pepper poppers. “Have you tried this stuff? It’s basically crack. Cheese stuffed hot peppers, lightly breaded.”

“Can’t say I have,” Seb replied. “You know, if you ever want something that isn’t frozen, you could always swing by Silver Gully. I make a mean macaroni and cheese.”

“I’ll keep that in mind.” Shane put the frozen food in his basket and headed to the counter. “So why were you looking for me?”

“Oh, right!” Seb took off his backpack and started rummaging through it. “I had something for you.” He pulled a package of hot peppers wrapped in newspaper out of the backpack and handed it to Shane.  “I think you’ll like it.”

“Thanks, I’ll open it when I get home,” Shane smiled. “You’re really fond of giving gifts, aren’t you?”

“It’s my love language,” Seb sang, closing up his backpack and slinging it back over his shoulders.

“Your what now?”

“My love language. It’s essentially how I show affection best. Some people are really good at giving compliments, others like giving physical expression… I like giving gifts.”

“Interesting.”

“Any idea what yours is?”

“Seb, I don’t like people. I don’t think I have a love language.” Shane handed his card to Pierre to swipe for his groceries.

“Everyone has a love language. You-“ Seb poked Shane’s shoulder “-just haven’t figured yours out yet.”

“Sure,” Shane grumbled, rolling his eyes and grabbing his now-bagged groceries. “I’m going to the saloon after dropping these off. You wanna come?”

“I’m not really feeling the saloon tonight. Sebastian invited me over for some Solarion Chronicles. I haven’t played since college.”

“Isn’t that the nerd game with dice?”

“Yeah. What’s wrong with that?”

“Nothing. Just making sure I knew what you were talking about.” Shane started towards the door, and Seb followed. “I’ve heard it’s actually really fun. Hopefully you enjoy yourself.”

“I hope so too. I’ll see you tomorrow night, yeah? For the moonlight jellies?”

“Of course. I couldn’t miss that. It’s Jas’ favorite holiday, save the Winter Star.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A short one. A song gets half-written, and the gifting mechanic gets explained a little. 
> 
> Thanks as usual for all the kudos, bookmarks, and comments! I really appreciate it.


	25. The Moonlight Jellies

“Uncle Shane! Uncle Shane! Are you ready yet?” Jas yelled through the bathroom door. “The moonlight jellies are gonna be here soon!”

“I’ll be ready in a second, kiddo! Just gotta comb my hair,” Shane yelled back as he ran the comb through his hair a few times.

In the past, he’d never really cared how he looked at festivals that weren’t the Flower Dance. Nowadays, he tried not to look homeless. It seemed to make him feel a little better when he looked good. And when he felt better, Jas seemed to feel better. And at these festivals, that’s all that really mattered to him.

“Do you think Mister Seb will be there tonight?” Jas asked him when he opened the bathroom door.

“I don’t know, Jas,” he replied. “It’s kind of late for Mister Seb. He gets up real early in the morning.”

“But you get up really early too, and you’re going!”

“That’s because I have the day off tomorrow.”

“Fair. I hope Mister Seb is there. He gave me and Vincent a cake to share last week! Miss Penny got something too, I think it was a big ol pink melon!”

“That’s very nice of him,” Shane smiled. "He likes to give gifts. Says it's how he shows his affection." 

"How do you show you love someone, Uncle Shane?" Jas asked, looking up at her godfather.

"I... I'm not sure, kiddo. I'll think about it," Shane said as they stepped out into the night.

 

* * *

 

 

The night air was chilly on Sebastian’s skin as he headed south from the mountains, signaling the change of the season. It filled him with confidence, a foreign feeling for the town’s loner. Confidence and strength.

He was going to need both of those tonight.

There was no doubt that fall would be lonely without Abigail’s skin against his. But he couldn’t take it anymore. He couldn’t just be a booty call for her. He needed more. And he was willing to bet she wouldn’t want to give anymore.

He popped his headphones in, put on Blue Stahli, took a drag on his cigarette, and pressed on.

“If she asks if she can come home with me tonight, I’m gonna tell her no. Not tonight, and not ever again.” And for once, when he said it, he felt like he meant it.

 

* * *

 

 

“Those jellyfish are really something, huh?” Sam said to Seb, peering over the edge of the pier. “I wonder why they glow.”

“Who knows. Maybe they’re radioactive.” Seb plopped down beside Sam and Sebastian.

“So you’re saying I _shouldn’t_ push Sam into the water, huh?” Sebastian chuckled, earning a playful shove from Sam.

“I don’t wanna be stung to death!” Sam laughed. “Have mercy!”

Seb glanced at Abigail on the other side of Sebastian. She hadn’t been saying much, but her hand had been resting on Sebastian’s thigh for a while now. Not unusual, but somewhat uncomfortable to witness for Seb.

“Guys, they’re launching the candle boat,” Abigail pointed towards the main dock, where Lewis gave the candle boat a gentle push. Jas and Shane stood on the main dock near him. The two always warmed Seb’s heart. Jas was proof that Shane was far from a fuckup, no matter what he said. He had so much to be proud of.

“Wow,” Sam murmured, elbowing Seb. “Look at them.”

Sure enough, the moonlight jellies were floating towards them, drawn by the light of the candle boat.

The jellies slowly swarmed to the dock, moving in that gentle, bouncing way that jellyfish move. The town residents grew silent, in awe of the creatures bobbing in front of them. Amongst the gentle blue, a green jellyfish with a flat head swam towards the dock that Seb, Sebastian, Sam, and Abigail sat on.

“Is that-“ Sebastian quietly started. 

“-the rare green jelly? I think it is,” Abigail whispered. “I’ve never seen it before!”

“Neither have I,” Sam and Sebastian said, almost in unison.

“I guess I’m just good luck,” Seb chuckled quietly, gazing down at the little swarm of glowing sea creatures below their feet.

The jellyfish lingered there for what felt like a serene hour. One by one, they bobbed away, continuing their annual journey into the great unknown.

“Well, guys, that was great, but I. Am. Tired!” Sam said, dramatically getting to his feet. “I’m off to bed. See you guys Saturday.”

“See ya, bud,” Sebastian replied. “Seb, are you tired at all?”

“A little, but not too much,” Seb responded, kicking his feet out on the dock. “I should probably head off too. I get up with the chickens, after all.”

“Fair. See you when I see you.” Sebastian grinned up at his namesake, and Seb glanced at Abigail and raised an eyebrow at Sebastian, who winked.

As soon as Seb was seemingly out of earshot, Abigail spoke up.

“You’re not too tired, are you?”

“Nah. I live for the night.” Sebastian stared out at the darkness over the water, feeling the anxiety rise in his chest.

“Why don’t we welcome fall like we did last year? In the lake, without our clothes on.”

“Uh… I actually-“

“Wanted to try something else?”

“No. I don’t want to do this anymore.”

Seb’s ears pricked up at that statement, and he stopped walking. _Is he actually taking my advice?_

“What do you mean, you don’t want to do this anymore? Like at all?” Abigail asked, sounding very confused.

“Like… like at all,” Sebastian stammered, and immediately felt his anxiety peak. How would she react?

“Why not?”

“I… I… I want something more than just a fuckbuddy, you know? And you’re never going to give that to me. And I don’t want to keep deluding myself into thinking you will. So I don’t want to do this anymore.” All that rehearsing paid off as the words tumbled out of his mouth. He internally cringed back, expecting some wrath to come spilling forth from his now-former lover.

Instead he got a sad sigh.

“Alright,” Abigail said, standing up from the docks. “I’ll just go home then. Do you not want to be friends anymore, either?”

“I don’t mind being friends,” Sebastian reassured her. “I just don’t wanna have sex with you anymore.”

“Yeah, I guess I get it.” Abigail sighed. “It’ll just be lonely without someone in my bed, you know?”

“Yeah.”

“Well, let me know if you change your mind,” Abigail said, starting to walk off. “I’ll see you Saturday.”

Once Abigail was back on the beach, Seb returned to where his namesake was still sitting.

“She took that rather well, all things considered,” Seb ventured.

“Yeah… I was ready for a screaming match about how I ‘didn’t find her interesting’ or something.” Sebastian continued to stare out into the gloom. “I’m glad it didn’t come to that.”

“I think you appealed to her romantic side,” Seb mused. “Making it clear you wanted feelings involved helped your case a lot.”

“Yeah.” Sebastian paused for a long while, then continued. “I guess I’m never having sex again.”

“Don’t be so sure,” Seb grinned. “Remember, things can change faster than you’d ever guessed. Who knows? Maybe an online friend will come to visit, fall in love with you, and bam! Or maybe someone in town will realize that wow, you’re a cool dude under that cold exterior, and wonder if there’s any more wonderfulness under that shell.”

“That’s just improbable,” Sebastian laughed. “But sure. I’ll keep my hopes up.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this fic may not get as many updates as I have planned in the next month. I may have to have surgery in the coming weeks, and with that as well as classes, I'm gonna be pretty busy. I'm gonna try and stick to at least one chapter a month, but I was hoping to do one every two weeks this month. 
> 
> Thanks as usual for all the kudos and comments!


	26. The Storm

A jolt of thunder woke Sebastian far earlier than he’d wanted to wake up.

It was nearly Spirit’s Eve. Fall had passed so quickly for Sebastian. A game development team called Team Cherry had found his little page of browser games on Github and had hired him to help code a platformer. Game code was Sebastian’s specialty, and he had been pouring his heart and soul into this project. So much so that he left his room even less than usual, often skipping dinner to keep grinding away.

Breaks were important, or at least Seb believed that. So he took one every time Seb visited, which seemed to be getting more frequent. Seb often brought him sushi, and they would sit by the lake and eat in the comfort of night. Sebastian would smoke, and Seb would sometimes take a drag.

But a good rainstorm meant he was going out today, no matter how much he had to do.

As he pulled on his hoodie, his mind drifted to the break they had taken last night. Seb had brought him pumpkin soup this time, and had rambled about the journey he’d taken to the mines the day before.

“We should go down there together sometime,” Seb had said. “I feel like we’d make a good team.”

And Sebastian had agreed.

Something about Seb made him feel so relaxed and comfortable. He was always cool and collected, and seemed to be an endless well of support for Sebastian. He’d taken Sebastian to Zuzu to the fanciest sushi joint he’d ever been to when he’d gotten hired by Team Cherry. He always asked how the game was going and tried to understand all the coding jargon Sebastian rambled about.

He made Sebastian feel special, something he’d never really felt before. He was so used to being a suitor, being the person who chased the girl to be inevitably turned down, that he’d never really felt like he was the center of anyone’s world. But he at least felt like he was close to the center of Seb’s.

Sebastian grabbed his umbrella and headed out into the rain, a content smile curling his lips.

* * *

 

After feeding all the animals, Seb gathered up his fishing gear and headed south to the ocean. Willy had mentioned that certain fish could only be caught in the rain, and that had been true in the river. So there was a chance that it worked in the ocean, too.

As he moved closer to his usual fishing spot, he noticed someone was standing in that spot. Someone in a dark hoodie, holding a closed umbrella, staring out into the gloom. They turned to see him as he moved closer.

“Seb?” Sebastian called out into the rain. “Hey. I’m surprised to find you out here in the rain.”

“Same to you,” Seb replied, moving to stand beside his namesake. “Watching the rain?”

“Yeah.” Sebastian continued to gaze out into the gloom. “Look at those dark clouds looming over the horizon. I hope they come this way.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. I like this weather because it makes everyone disappear, you know?” Sebastian looked down at his Converse. “Being around people makes me feel anxious…”

“I kinda guessed that.”

“I… I don’t feel that way around you, though.” Sebastian turned to look at his namesake and smiled. Something about sharing this usually solitary time with his best friend made him feel warm inside.

“I’m glad I don’t add to the problem,” Seb grinned. “You’re a really wonderful guy. I’m glad we know each other.”

They met each other’s eyes and Sebastian felt a jolt of electricity flow through his body, a feeling he’d only ever felt when meeting Abigail’s eyes. He quickly looked up at the sky, hoping that Seb couldn’t see the blood rushing to his cheeks.

“I-I’m glad I know you, too.” Sebastian continued looking up at the sky. “We’re getting soaked. Here…” He pulled out an umbrella and unfurled it. “C’mon. There’s room for two.”

Seb scooted under the umbrella after a moment of hesitation and brushed his sopping wet hair out of his eyes. Despite the thunder and lightning growing ever-closer, there was something so peaceful about standing with Sebastian on the end of the dock, watching the ocean being buffeted by the rain. 

He’d never really stood this close to Sebastian, either. But something just felt right about it.

* * *

 

“Uncle Shane, what am I gonna wear for Spirit’s Eve?” Jas asked over the dinner table set with enough food to feed an army. Marnie always went overboard for company. 

“I don’t know, kid. What do you wanna be?” Shane replied, looking up from the roll he was buttering.

“Hmmm… I think I wanna be a fairy! Do you think that would be fun, Mister Seb?”

“I think that would be wonderful,” Seb replied through a mouthful of pot roast. “Marnie, this is so good. Thanks for inviting me.”

“Aww, well thank you dear,” Marnie smiled warmly. “You’re always welcome to come over. We love the company.”

“Will you come over more, Mister Seb?” Jas asked, eyes wide. “And will you bring cake next time? I wanna have a tea party with cake!”

“I can try,” Seb said. “No promises on the cake though, not with melons being out of season.”

The four of them continued dinner, listening to Jas chattering about school and how Vincent put a grasshopper in her lunch box when she wasn’t looking.

Seb leaned over to Shane and whispered, “Does she ever run out of energy?”

“Not often,” Shane replied quietly, a small smile on his face.

Shane, Seb, Marnie and Jas finished up not long after that. Seb tried to help with the clean-up, but Marnie insisted she do it, reminding Seb that he was a guest.

Seb turned to Shane. “I think I’m gonna head out, if you don’t mind. Gotta get up early as usual tomorrow.”

“Don’t mind at all. Will I see you at the Saloon Friday?”

“Of course. Don’t get into any trouble til then, alright?”

“No promises. Thanks for having dinner with us.”

As soon as Seb was out the door, Marnie tapped Shane on the shoulder. “I’m glad you made friends with that farmer.”

“So am I,” Shane sighed happily. “It’s nice to not be so alone anymore, ya know?”

“I can only imagine,” Marnie smiled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A fluffy chapter with Shane, and a pivotal moment with Sebastian.


	27. Spirit's Eve

“Welcome to the Spirit’s Eve festival!” Mayor Lewis greeted Seb. The good mayor was going all out this year in a vampire costume. “There’s food, there’s the maze… take your pick, son.”

Seb grinned at Lewis through his red face paint and moved to the food, where Shane and Emily stood talking. Emily noticed him first.

“Ooooo, Seb, I love your costume!” Emily exclaimed. “Did you make it yourself?”

“As a matter of fact, I did,” Seb replied, straightening the horns on his devil costume. “Well, I made everything except the suit.”

“Is it a play on the term ‘handsome devil?’ Because you sure as hell are one,” Emily grinned.

Shane looked sideways at Emily, but didn’t say anything. A little bit of that jealous fire had flared at her statement, but he fought it down. _He’s your friend, not your SO.  
_

“Well, I appreciate that,” Seb said, clearly flattered. “Shane, your costume’s looking pretty good too. Werewolf?”

“Oh, this? Emily made it for me,” he said proudly, striking a pose in his furry outfit. “And yeah, I’m a werewolf.”

“I never took you to be the type that dressed up for Halloween,” said Seb, taking a mug of pumpkin ale and chugging it.

“I’m usually not. Jas wanted me to dress up this year.”

“Makes sense.” Seb refilled his mug and raised it in the air. “How about a toast? To friendship and alcohol?”

“To friendship and alcohol,” Emily and Shane said enthusiastically, toasting with their own mugs and downing the pumpkin ale with Seb.

“Anyway. Either of you wanna go hunt for the prize in the maze with me? I heard it’s pretty cool.” Seb refilled his mug for a third time and started that way.

“I’m good, but thanks!” Emily said. “Good luck!”

“Shane? I’ll split whatever it is with you.”

Shane hesitated for a moment, then shrugged. “Fuck it. Can’t hurt.”

* * *

 

“It’s impossible to get to,” Shane said resolutely after their third run through the maze to only be met with dead ends. “That sounds like something that wizard would do.”

“I wouldn’t put it past him, but I’m certain there’s something we’re missing.” Seb started running his hand over the hedge walls.

“What are you doing?” Shane asked incredulously.

“Feeling for a secret wall. You know, like in Dark Souls.”

“That’s ridiculous. There’s no way the wizard could make something like that happen.”

And then Seb’s hand passed right into the hedge wall.

Seb turned to Shane with a smug little smirk. “C’mon. We’ve got a prize to win.”

“I can’t believe that actually worked,” Shane grumbled, following Seb through the false wall and into an area behind the maze, where a tunnel in the stone wall opened up.

“Honestly, neither can I.” Seb ventured forward into the tunnel. “I wasn’t sure what to think when there was an honest-to-Yoba wizard in the valley, sending me a summons to his tower. It was surreal.”

“What did he want you for?” Shane asked, perplexed.

“You’re not gonna believe me if I tell you.”

“Try me.”

“Alright… well, when I first got here, Lewis was looking at the community center and talking about how if one more person purchased a Jojamart membership they were gonna tear it down and turn it into a Joja warehouse. He let me in and showed me the damage, and I saw this… thing.”

“Thing?”

“It was a little apple with arms and legs and a face. And it seemed to be guarding a scroll that I couldn’t read.”

“Are you entirely sure you weren’t on drugs?”

“Absolutely sure. But the wizard sent me a letter the day after, and he decoded the scroll. Apparently the little apples are called ‘Junimos.’”

“Junimos? Aren’t those from fairy tales? I thought I got Jas a coloring book with those in it.”

“I mean, wizards are from fairy tales too. Anyway, the scrolls were asking for gifts for the Junimos, and in return they would rebuild the community center for me.”

“Has… has anything come of it?”

“Yeah, actually. I delivered a bunch of stuff from the mines, and they rebuilt the boiler room. Good as new, like it was never ruined. And the bridge to the quarry mysteriously got fixed on the same night.”

“Huh…”

“Yeah. Weird, right?” Seb said as the two of them emerged into a shadowy area cornered off by bushes. A chest sat in the middle of the area, glittering red and gold. “I think-“

“-we found it,” Shane finished his sentence. “Well? Open it up, you figured out the way here.”

Seb knelt down and threw the chest open to reveal a solid gold pumpkin nested in red velvet.

“Goddamn,” Shane murmured. “That’s gotta be worth a ton.”

“And guess what? You get half of whatever it’s worth,” Seb reminded him. “I can’t believe we actually found this thing.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I thought updates were gonna slow down, but classes have not been too hard on me yet. So here's an (albeit short) update! 
> 
> Thanks as usual for all the kudos and comments you leave! They never fail to make me smile.


	28. The Snowy Outcrop

Winter struck the valley hard that year. Not one day into the season, the temperature plummeted below freezing, and snow akin to glitter started falling from the sky. And with lower temperatures and snow came a distinct lack of crops for Seb to look after.

All he had to do was tend to the animals in the morning, then he had the whole day to look forward to. So he did what any isolated farmer would do in the dead of winter – pay visits to his friends, and spend night after night in the saloon with the town grouch.

Shane came into the saloon on the day after the festival of ice to find Seb in deep concentration in front of one of the arcade machines.

He watched Seb race the cowboy around the screen until he hit an enemy. At the sound of the ‘you died’ noise, Seb slammed his fist down onto the machine.

“You good there?” Shane asked apprehensively.

“Yeah, totally fine!” Seb replied, his voice a few octaves higher than usual. “I just. Keep. DYING!”

“Yeah, that’ll happen.” Shane started to move to his regular spot by the fire, and Seb followed. “Two beers, if you could, Emily.”

“How was work?” Seb ventured. “You look like you’ve had a day.”

Shane rolled his eyes. “Morris is threatening to cut my pay. A customer complained about me being rude to them.”

“Were you?”

“No.” Shane rolled his eyes. “I was cordial. They’re the ones that got all pissy about the dishwasher packets being moved. Like, s-o-o-rry I had to rearrange the damn store, corporate sent a mandate. But of course, since I’m the stocker, everyone thinks it’s my fucking fault.”

“That’s some bull,” Seb murmured, taking his beer from Emily and enjoying a long sip.

“You’re telling me. Anything happening on that farm in the dead of winter?”

“Not much. Just taking care of the animals. I got those heaters you recommended, and the cows are so much happier.”

“I imagine. No one wants to sleep out in the cold,” Shane said matter-of-factly, gulping down some beer.

“I’ve been down in the mines a lot,” Seb continued. “Selling metal and gems is what’s keeping me afloat right now. I found this really cool stone.” He pulled out a fist-sized crystal from his pocket that glimmered in rainbow colors.

“Goddamn.” Shane stared in awe as Seb held it up to the light. “That’s gotta be worth a fortune.”

“It probably is,” Seb agreed. “But I’m keeping it. It feels like a once-in-a-lifetime find.”

“Probably is.” Shane took another gulp of beer as Seb put away the stone.

The two sank into a comfortable silence, drinking their beers and listening to the tinny tunes from the jukebox.

At nine p.m., Shane got to his feet.

“Well, I should probably head home. Marnie’s making roast chicken tonight.”

“Sounds delicious.”

“Yeah. You should join us for dinner again soon. She really loved having you over. Jas, too.”

“What about you?” Seb asked, an eyebrow raised.

“Oh. I like it too. It’s nice to have someone there that doesn’t fuss over me.”

“Fair enough. Let me know when Marnie makes something like meat loaf. Haven’t had a good meat loaf since I lived in Chaspool.”

The two men said their goodbyes and left the saloon, Shane going west, Seb going north.

* * *

 

Sebastian had just climbed onto his motorcycle when he saw a familiar figure trudging up the snow-packed path.

“Seb?” he called out into the dark.

“That’s me,” Seb responded. “Isn’t it a little snowy for a motorcycle right now?”

“A little, but I don’t mind. I have the gear for it. I was just about to head out.” Sebastian hesitated for a moment, then continued. “Hop on. There’s something I wanna show you.”

* * *

 

The trip up the mountainside was precarious, to say the least. The superfine snow had been blown off the road, so traction wasn’t an issue, but the howling wind bit through Seb’s coat and more than a few times nearly blew the bike sideways.

But the two of them made it to an outcrop, where Sebastian dismounted and headed to the edge. Seb followed him, and was met with a beautiful view.

Zuzu City sparkled before them, a nest of light in a sea of black. Even in the dead of winter the city was bustling, and Seb could just make out cars moving along the freeways.

“I come here when I want to get away from everything and just… think,” Sebastian said, looking wistfully out at the city.

“It’s a good place for it,” Seb murmured. “How did you find this place?”

“Chance. Followed the road one night to see where it went.” Sebastian pinched a cigarette between his lips and lit up. “What do you think?”

“It… It fills me with a strange, sad feeling,” Seb replied after a second. “I used to live there, in the hustle and bustle. It was where I belonged. Up until things started getting to me.”

“Yeah… that’s exactly how I feel, too.” Sebastian took a long drag, then handed the cigarette to Seb. “Why did you come to Pelican Town, of all places?”

“Life in Zuzu just wasn’t fulfilling, you know?” Seb replied, taking an equally long drag. “I was doing the same thing day in and day out. And despite all the people around me, I was alone in that city. No friends that were just friends, just booty calls and people trying to get me to buy them expensive things. That’s changed a lot in Pelican Town. I do something new every day, and for the first time since college, I actually have friends.” Seb smiled at Sebastian, who blushed as he was handed the cigarette.

“Makes sense.” Sebastian turned to face the glowing city and sighed. “The city used to draw me in… it seemed like the perfect place to get lost in the crowd.”

“It is.”

“But lately, I’ve been finding myself happier at home in the valley.” Sebastian ashed the cigarette, then took another drag.

The two of them stood in silence for a few minutes, passing the cigarette back and forth until it was burned down to the butt.

“Seb… can I tell you something?” Sebastian asked nervously, lighting up another cigarette.

“Go for it,” Seb smiled at his best friend.

“I… I’ve never brought anyone up here. Not even Abigail. And I never thought I would bring a guy up here…”

Seb tilted his head to the side. He thought he knew where this was going, but he let Sebastian continue.

“You’re the only person who’s really cared about me in a while,” Sebastian pressed on, taking a drag in between his sentences. “You make me… you make me feel special. No one’s ever done that for me.”

Seb looked surprised. “Seriously? No one? How could no one look at you and wonder if there’s something under that cold exterior?”

“Not everyone is as fascinated with me,” Sebastian sighed. “You… you make me feel like I’m the center of your universe. You care. You make sure I take breaks and eat when I get lost in my work.” He hesitated for a moment, then looked up to meet Seb’s gaze. That same electric shock went through him.

And Seb felt it too.

“You know what I’m trying to say, don’t you?” Sebastian whispered, wringing his hands.

“I do,” Seb replied in the same whispered volume, a smile spreading over his lips. “I care a lot about you. Every time I see you, you give me a whole new reason to like you. Do you remember how I said things could change in the blink of an eye?”

“That someone in town might realize that I’m an okay person under my emo shell, and wonder if there’s any more wonderfulness underneath?” Sebastian’s heart rate rose. _Was Seb hinting at something with those words?_

“That’s not quite how I said it, but yes.” Seb reached out a gloved hand and touched Sebastian’s cheek. “I was talking about me back on the docks. And it seems the feeling’s mutual.”

Sebastian’s heart was racing at the touch. He closed his eyes and moved towards his namesake, who embraced him with strong arms. “God, I was so afraid you weren’t into me…”

“Let me prove it to you,” Seb whispered in Sebastian’s ear, before tipping his namesake’s chin upward and kissing him softly.

It was a simple, chaste kiss – no tongue or anything. But it made Sebastian feel like his body was on fire. Sure, he and Abigail had kissed before, but that was solely foreplay – this was proof of Seb’s affection. Proof that he might just be the center of Seb’s universe. Proof that he was loved, for once in his sorry life.

The two of them broke apart after a moment, though it seemed like an eon to Sebastian.

“We… we should probably… uh… probably head home, huh?” Sebastian murmured.

“Probably,” Seb sighed. “Shame. I like it up here.”

“We can come back,” Sebastian pointed out. “Maybe when it’s warmer.”

“That would be nice.” Seb pulled a scarf out of his coat pocket and wrapped it around his face. “Let’s get going before we freeze to death.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And now we begin a relationship. 
> 
> Thank you as usual for the kudos and kind words! They're very encouraging and help keep the story coming.


	29. Excitement and Heartache

“Guys, I landed us a gig!” Sam said excitedly as soon as everyone was comfortable in his room.

“Holy shit, really?” Seb exclaimed.

“Where?” Abigail wanted to know. 

“Skully’s Diner in Zuzu,” Sam replied. “Once spring rolls around. It’s a solo gig too!” He turned to Seb. “Guess what you have to do?”

“I have to dye my hair now,” Seb laughed. “A promise is a promise. How does red sound?”

“Sounds great,” Abigail and Sebastian said in unison.

“Alright, so, what’s our set list?” Seb asked, pulling out his notebook. “We’ve got an album and a half’s worth of songs, which ones do you guys want to do the most?”

“ _Frequency_ for sure,” Abigail piped up.

“ _It Has Begun,_ ” Sebastian interjected.

“Definitely _Telepathic,_ ” Sam added. “And _Into the Unknown.”_

“I want to sing _Halo_ and _Carnivore_ the most,” Seb said after scribbling all their suggestions into his notebook. “How do you guys feel about _My Demons_?”

“Hell yes,” Abigail said in reply. “I think that’s one of our best ones. I also wanna do _Satellite._ ”

“And we should definitely end with _Monster,_ ” Sam suggested, getting nods from all the others.

“Alright. So I’m thinking _It Has Begun, Into the Unknown, Satellite, Carnivore, Telepathic, Frequency, Halo, My Demons,_ and finally _Monster._ How does that sound?”

“Sounds like a plan to me,” Sam nodded. “Let’s go down that list and see how well we can get through it.”

Everyone picked up their instruments, Abigail counted them off, and off they went.

* * *

 

“Hey Sebby, can I talk to you for a second?” Robin peeked into Sebastian’s room, where he sat coding.

“Sure, mom.” He motioned to his couch and rolled his chair out far enough to see her. “What’s up?”

“I’ll be direct. Are you and Seb a couple?”

Sebastian looked taken aback. He looked at the ceiling to conceal his blush. “Yeah. We are.”

Robin beamed with pride. “I’m glad you’ve found someone, Sebby,” she said.

“I was worried you were going to disapprove,” Sebastian said quietly, looking back at his mother.

“Disapprove? Why?” she asked perplexedly.

“Because it’s a gay relationship. Demetrius had a fit when Maru came out, remember?”

“You’re right,” Robin conceded. “But I couldn’t care less which team my children play for, as long as they’re happy. Does Seb make you happy?”

“Very,” Sebastian smiled at the floor, embarrassed. He wasn’t used to questions like these.

“Then I’m glad you two found each other.” Robin looked with pride at her son, then waved her hand. “I won’t keep bothering you. I know how important that work is to you. Are you gonna come up for dinner?”

“I dunno. I might visit Seb. He said he was making imitation Chipotle for dinner tonight.”

“Sounds wonderful.” Robin started up the stairs. “I’ll see you later then, Sebby.” **  
**

* * *

 

“Did you hear?” Emily bounced up to Shane as soon as he was settled at the bar.

“I don’t care about the latest town gossip,” Shane said dismissively. “Unless someone’s dead.”

“Are you sure? It’s about the farmer…” Emily handed him his beer with a smirk.

“What, is he in the clinic again?”   
  
“No, he’s gay.”

Shane almost choked on his beer. “What?”

“He’s gay. Well, maybe not _gay_. He’s dating a guy.”

Shane felt the jealous fire flare like never before. Keeping his face neutral, he asked “Who?”

“Other Sebastian. Abigail must have dumped him or something,” Emily mused, wiping out a glass.

 _So you were right,_ Shane thought. _He’s into men. He’s just not into you._ He took a long draught of his beer, emptying it, and set the mug down on the bar. “I think I’m gonna need another.”

“I didn’t expect him to be gay,” Emily continued on, refilling the mug. “He looks like an Instagram model, and I haven’t met any of those types who’re gay.”

“I guess.” Shane took another long draught, trying to keep his urge to run home and scream into his pillow in check. _Of course he’s not into you. Why would he be into a failure of a human being?_

“Are… are you okay?” Emily asked, concern written all over her face. Apparently Shane was failing to keep his emotions down.

“I’m fine,” Shane grumbled into his mug. “Just fine.”

“Do you want me to drop the subject?”

 

“Yes please.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The band's hitting the ground running, and Shane learns to hate himself a little bit more. 
> 
> Thanks, as always, for reading and replying!


	30. Date Night

The Genesis sped down the empty highway, a blue streak in the middle of the darkness.

“Sometimes I just have to get out and away, you know?” Seb said to his namesake, one hand on the wheel with a french fry in the other.  _[Circle of Dust](https://open.spotify.com/album/3AnFPjdJOAXYcM4R7qFcOa) _ played softly in the background. “I love it in the valley, but it gets too small for my liking. And there’s no place to just drive – there always has to be a destination.”

“Is that why you’re driving in a big circle on the outer belt?” Sebastian asked, mouth full of cheeseburger.

“Yup. It clears my head. I don’t have to watch for any signs. I just drive.” Seb sighed happily. “I’ve never done a relaxation drive with someone else before.”

“No?”

“Nope. No one understands them, you know? Everyone I’ve ever dated looks at me like a freak when I talk about my car. They don’t understand how much cars mean to me.”

“Wheels are the ultimate freedom,” Sebastian mused. “That’s how it feels on my motorcycle. I can go anywhere and do anything, and no one can stop me.”

“Exactly!” Seb exclaimed, slapping his steering wheel. “It was my ultimate solace in college. When my roommates were being shitty to me, I would just go out to my car and sleep. When I needed to focus and stay busy with something, I would drive. When I inevitably got kicked out of everyone’s apartment after a fuck, I got to ride away in style. No walk of shame.” He tapped the roof of the car. “She cost me a pretty penny, but she was worth it. Only car I haven’t traded in after a year.”

“Why the Genesis?” Sebastian asked. “If you were making so much money, why not an Audi or a Beemer?”

“Luxury cars cost more than just the MSRP,” Seb said matter-of-factly. “With the Genesis, my costs are pretty average. Normal-sized tires. Synthetic oil, but nothing fancy. Spare parts and body repair won’t cost you an arm and a leg. I don’t have to buy premium gas.”

“Luxury cars take high octane gas?” Sebastian looked surprised.

“Half of them only run on 92.” Seb rolled his eyes. “Joja paid a lot, but it didn’t pay enough for me to justify getting the high octane stuff every week. Sometimes I’ll shell out for mid-grade, but with premium costing 60 cents more than the normal stuff, that’s not happening every week.”

“Did any of your coworkers have fancy cars?”

“A few. Kaylee has a [Lincoln MKX](https://www.cstatic-images.com/car-pictures/xl/usc60lis031b021001.png). Base model. It cost about as much as my baby. Jordan, my old boss, drives a [Lexus RC](https://www.lexus.com/cm-img/overview/2019/RC/Lexus-RC-300-AWD-style-overview-1204x555-LEX-RCG-MY19-0050-01_M75.jpg). The all-wheel-drive model with sport configuration. Lusted after that vehicle until I found the Genesis. He made a lot more money than me, though.”

The two fell into a comfortable silence, enjoying their burgers and fries while the streetlights raced by.

 

“Have you street raced your Genesis before?” Sebastian asked suddenly.

“A few times. Just informal races – a couple of cars will pull up, drivers will signal for a race.”

“Do you think it’ll happen tonight?”

“No chance. Most people don’t like to race in the winter.”

The two sped on into the night, eventually turning off the outer belt onto the state route out to Pelican Town.

* * *

 

“I can’t wait for Spring,” Seb groaned, dipping his massive sponge into the bucket of hot water Sebastian was holding. “Salt destroys cars.”

“You could just not drive in the winter,” Sebastian suggested as Seb wiped the salt off of the Genesis with the sodden sponge.

“And freeze to death walking everywhere? No fucking way.” Seb squeezed the sponge out over the empty bucket, then dipped it back into the hot water and moved to the other side of his car. “Plus, this is Babe. She deserves to stretch her legs when it’s cold out.”

“Fair.” Sebastian peered around the corner of the car to watch his boyfriend at work. It was rather soothing for him to watch Seb care for his car, if a little mundane. “Thanks for taking me out on a drive.”

“Hey, I owed you from when we first met. I’d say dating me counts as asking nicely,” Seb chuckled, wiping the salt off his headlights. “Next you’ll be asking me to teach you to drive stick.”

“Would you?” Sebastian perked up.

“Maybe. Babe’s not a great car to learn on. Her clutch is finicky sometimes.” Seb wrung out the sponge and put it on the shelf in the garage, then poured the bucket of salty water into the snow. “Are you gonna be heading home soon? It’s past midnight.”

“Do you want me to?” Sebastian raised an eyebrow.

“Fuck no,” Seb grinned, putting his hands on Sebastian’s shoulders. “If we could spend every night together without getting sick of each other, I’d be down. But you need your space, and I don’t want to encroach too much, you know?”

“That’s fair,” Sebastian murmured, looking down at his feet. “I’m sorry I need distance.”

“Don’t apologize for having boundaries,” Seb chided him. “They’re important for your sanity.” He leaned down and kissed Sebastian on the forehead. “Thanks for putting up with me.”

“It’s not ‘putting up.’ Not with you,” Sebastian replied, a dull blush rising in his cheeks.

* * *

 

 _“PLAYER 2 WINS!”_ rang from the TV.

Shane dropped his controller in pretend shock. “You beat me again! When did you get so good at this?” he asked Jas.

“While you were at the Saloon,” Jas replied matter-of-factly. “Aunt Marnie says you’ve been spending too much time there.”

“She’s probably right,” Shane murmured.

“Why do you spend so much time there?” Jas asked, looking up at Shane quizzically.

Shane hesitated. _I can’t tell her I’m an alcoholic. She wouldn’t understand._

“You… you know how you really like visiting Vincent?” he finally said.

“Yeah! He’s bunches of fun to play with!”

“I like seeing Miss Emily. She’s to me as Vincent is to you.”

“What about Mister Seb?”

Shane’s blood ran cold. “What about him?”

“Do you guys visit each other too?”

“Not really.”

“Why not?”

“Mister Seb… is a very busy man.”

“Aunt Marnie said he started _dating_ someone,” Jas whispered dramatically. “A _boy_.”

Shane tried his best to restrain the cascade of emotions that went through him at her statement. “He is.”

“I didn’t know boys could date boys. Can girls date girls?”

“They sure can.”

“How do you know which one to date?”

“You’ll find out when you’re older. It’s hard to explain. Easier to experience.”

 _And sometimes, you think you know, but realize you don’t know what the answer is until someone new ties your heart into knots,_ Shane thought to himself sadly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A Valentine's Day chapter! 
> 
> 91 kudos, good grief! I ought to do something fun when this hits 100 kudos...


	31. Feast of the Winter Star

Seb had never seen a spirit tree quite as large as the one that dominated the town square on this festive day.

Table upon table was set up in the town square, loaded with enough food to feed an army. There were other tables set up around the buffet, one for each family, and one for the singles of the valley. Beneath the spirit tree was a trove of presents, guarded by Haley and Emily.

“What are you hoping is under the tree for you, Seb?” Emily asked excitedly as he added his contributions to the pile.

“Hmm… maybe a jug of spiced mead,” Seb mused. “I could always use more alcohol in my life.”

“I’m hoping for a new camera,” Haley interjected. “Or some cake.”

“What are you hoping for, Emily?” Seb asked.

“Oh, nothing major,” Emily waved her hand. “Some cloth. It’s hard to come by in the valley.”

Seb smiled to himself. _Cloth was a good guess._ “I need to go find Shane. I’ll see you two later!”

As soon as Seb was out of earshot, Haley turned to her sister. “Why does he care so much about that grouch?”

“Birds of a feather,” Emily mused. “They both like to drink.”

“But Seb’s a nice guy.”

“I don’t know what draws them together other than alcohol, honestly,” Emily sighed. “I don’t completely understand their struggles. But they make a good pair.”

* * *

 

Seb found Shane several glasses of nog in, picking at the plate of turkey in front of him.

“Oh hey,” he said when Seb approached, slurring a little. “Didn’t expect to see you.”

“Why not?” Seb raised an eyebrow.

“Figured you’d be spending the whole day with your boyfriend.” Shane borderline spat those words.

Seb shook his head. “Nah. I wanted to see my friend before getting grilled by Robin and Demetrius about the farm.” He filled a glass with nog and spiked it with a little whiskey from a tiny bottle.

“You know that stuff’s already alcoholic, right?” Shane said through a mouthful of cornbread.

“I know. I’m preparing to deal with a family,” Seb deadpanned, downing the nog in one go and moving to refill his glass. “I don’t do families very well, I find. It’s hard not to start rambling about one thing or another.”

“Fair.” Shane took a sip of his nog. “Who was your secret giftee this year?”

“You!” Seb said excitedly, reaching into his bag and pulling out a medium-sized box. “I hope you like it.”

“Oh shit,” Shane chuckled, taking the box and tearing through the wrapping paper. He popped open the lid to find a six pack of craft beers, a few small bottles of assorted liquor, and a tin of homemade cookies. “Oh _shit._ ”

“I tried to find small versions of your favorites from my collection,” Seb said, an edge of nervousness in his voice. “And some good beer. That way you’re not stuck drinking the Joja Light all the time, at least for a minute. And cookies, because, well, cookies!”

“Dude, this is so much. You didn’t need to go this hard for me,” Shane said, grinning like a giddy schoolboy. “Won’t Sebastian get jealous?”

“If he gets jealous of me treating a friend well, we weren’t meant to be,” Seb said resolutely. “Plus, it’s the feast of the Winter Star. It’s the allotted time of the year to give gifts.”

“That’s fair.” Shane hesitated for a second, then continued: “I really wish I could top this.”

“No need. Merry Winter Star,” Seb wished him well, then headed to Robin and Demetrius’ table.

* * *

 

“There you are!” Robin excitedly patted the seat between her and Sebastian as Seb approached. “We thought you had gotten lost.”

“Nah,” Seb waved his hand as he sat down. “Just giving my secret gift. Hard to get lost in a town this small.”

“Who was your secret giftee?” asked Maru, looking up from the roll she was buttering.

“Shane. Think I did pretty well with it.”

“I imagine it was easy, knowing him so well.” Maru took a bite of her roll, then continued. “How did you guys end up being such good buddies? He spits insults like a cobra spits venom.”

Sebastian perked up at the discussion of Shane, but didn’t interject.

“Bought him a drink on a particularly rough day of his,” Seb replied nonchalantly before taking a bite out of his turkey leg. “Really, just a lot of drinking together. He’s suffering like I used to suffer in Zuzu. And it seems I’m one of the few people who can relate to him.”

“I’m glad he’s found a friend,” Demetrius said, taking a long sip of nog. “It must be rough having no friends to speak of in such a tight-knit community.”

“Can confirm, it sucks,” Seb murmured.

“And I’m glad you and Sebastian found each other,” Maru interjected. “Lemme tell ya, he’s been so much less mopey since you two started dating.”

Sebastian shot a look at his half-sister and cut into his ham with a little more force than he intended.

“I’m glad to hear that,” Seb smiled, putting his arm around Sebastian’s shoulders and squeezing. Sebastian looked embarrassed, but he leaned into the touch and blushed.

Midway through the dinner, Leah made her way up to the table.

“Hey, Seb. Sorry to uh… intrude… I have my secret gift for you,” she said, looking a little embarrassed, handing over a long, narrow bag. “I hope you like it!”

Seb took the bag with a knowing look on his face, and pulled a bottle of wine out of it. A wide smile spread over his lips. “Holy hell. Blueberry wine. This is awesome”

 “I figured a drinker like you would appreciate it,” Leah said proudly. “It’s my favorite. And supposedly it used berries from your farm this year!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And we've reached the end of the first year. 
> 
> A lot has happened in that year. And a lot more is gonna happen. I have big plans... 
> 
> We're almost to 100 kudos. What am I gonna do to celebrate that milestone?


	32. A Brand New Year

The remaining days of winter passed so quickly for Seb. Between daily band practice, light farm work, and seeing Sebastian, everything just felt like a blur.

Before he knew it, the snow was melted, the soil was tilled, and he was purchasing seeds from Pierre.

It was hard to believe he’d been in the valley for a year. The cottage was finally starting to feel like his apartment in Zuzu had – like home. For the first time in a long time, he not only had friends, but a romantic partner that wasn’t in it for the drugs or money.

And currently, three of those friends had him bent backwards over his tub as they rinsed bleach from his hair.

“Okay, so, what color did you decide on?” Abigail asked Seb as she gently shampooed his hair.

“I was thinking pink,” Seb replied, eyes closed and a smile on his face. “Like, the electric pink. Not the softer pink.”

“That’ll look rad,” Sam said excitedly. “Especially with stage lighting.”

“Agreed,” Abigail affirmed, taking the removable shower head down and rinsing the shampoo out of Seb’s hair, which had gone from a dark brown to a nearly-white blonde.

Sebastian leaned against the wall of the bathroom, watching Abigail work her magic. Seb had his shirt off, which was a sight for sore eyes. He wasn’t ripped like Alex, but he was toned, like a runner. On his hip, just above where his jeans sat, were a few small tattoos, triangular glyphs. On his left bicep was a sprig of linework flowers with a semicolon in the stem. And though Sebastian couldn’t see it right now, with Seb bent backwards into the tub, he knew the back tattoo was there, a sprawl of circuitry that extended from his scalp to the small of his back.

Speaking of tattoos…

“I had no idea you were inked,” Sam said to Seb, pointing to his hip tattoo.

“No one does, unless you’ve seen me shirtless,” Seb replied casually, leaning forward and grabbing a towel. “I’m thinking about getting a few more. Some flowers. I keep seeing tattoos of roses on Instagram and I’ve decided I want a few on my body.”

“I’ve always wanted a tattoo,” Abigail said wistfully. “Maybe some roses, like you said. Or a flowery vine around my arm.”

“They would certainly suit you,” Seb replied, drying his hair. “If you’re ever in Chaspool, you could visit my artist. Patrick at Revolver on Summit.”

“Chaspool is a bit of a hike for a tattoo,” Sam laughed. “Though I would totally do it. Your back piece is sick.”

“I wouldn’t mind a road trip for a tattoo,” Sebastian interjected. “I’ve never been beyond Zuzu City.”

“Maybe someday I’ll take y’all out there,” Seb mused. “I’m sure my parents would like me to visit anyway.”

“Your parents live in Chaspool?” Sam looked surprised. “How did you end up all the way out here?”

“Job opportunities sucked there unless you were able to get in with the local university,” Seb explained. “Came out to Zuzu, eventually found my way here.”

“How many times would you say you’ve had to explain that?” Sebastian cut in, chuckling a little.

“At least 8 times.” Seb sat on the edge of the tub while Abigail brushed brilliant pink dye into his now-blonde locks.

It took about ten minutes for Abigail to drench Seb’s hair in dye. “Alright, all done,” she announced, stepping back and shucking off her stained rubber gloves. “Now we wait for an hour. Sam, wanna play some Stick Fight?”

“Hell yeah I do,” Sam replied enthusiastically, and the two of them ran out of the bathroom to commandeer Seb’s GameStation.

“You’ve been staring at me all afternoon,” Seb said to his namesake in a low, almost growly voice once Sam and Abigail were out of earshot. “You like what you see?”

“A lot,” Sebastian murmured, a deep blush rising from his neck into his cheeks. “You’re really handsome.”

“I appreciate that,” Seb said as he got up. He moved closer to Sebastian, pinning him against the wall. “You know you look good under that hoodie, too.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.” Seb pushed the bathroom door closed and leaned down to kiss his namesake. “I wish I got to see more of it,” he purred before their lips locked. 

Sebastian’s face somehow grew hotter with Seb’s lips on his. He could feel that heat spreading to his groin, too, but that only frustrated him. They couldn’t do anything with Abigail and Sam in the next room…

Seb pressed his body against Sebastian, his own bulge rubbing against Sebastian’s now-aching cock. “Once they’re gone, I want to see all of you,” Seb whispered into Sebastian’s ear, sending another wave of fire to his crotch.

And just as swiftly as Seb had pressed against him, he moved away, adjusted his hard-on to be undetectable, and moved out of the bathroom to watch Sam kick Abigail’s ass with his stick figure.

Sebastian stayed in the bathroom for a little longer, taking deep breaths and resisting the urge to touch himself. He needed to calm down before heading back out into the living room.

He splashed some cold water onto his face. That woke him up a little, enough that he started to lose his boner. Once it was completely gone, he rejoined the group just as Abigail’s stick figure got a headshot on Sam’s.

Seb and Sebastian pulled out two more controllers from the coffee table drawers and joined the game while the dye did its magic on Seb's hair. 

An hour and a half later, after many, many headshots and Sam handing everyone's asses to them on silver platters, Abigail set down her controller.

"Time to wash out the dye!" she exclaimed, grabbing Seb by the wrist and dragging him into the bathroom, Sam and Sebastian not far behind.

This time she leaned Seb forwards over the bathtub and pulled down the shower head. She rinsed his hair with the coldest water he could handle, the water turning the bathtub bright pink.

Sam took this as an opportunity to examine Seb's back tattoo.

"Okay, so it's circuitry? And an HDMI port?" He ran his finger along the black lines, following them into the center of the tattoo, where an HDMI port had been inked.

"Yeah," Seb said into the bathtub. "I mostly got it because I love the look of circuitry. Added the HDMI port because I was really into art at the time, and HDMI ports are for displays. It's supposed to say that I have a lot to show you, if you'd only plug into me."

"That's pretty cool," Sam murmured. "How much did it cost you?"

"About 300 dollars. Tattoos aren't cheap, and this one covers a lot of skin."

"Alright, I think we're done!" Abigail said about 10 minutes later, as the water running from Seb's hair appeared mostly clear. "It's looking really good."

"Hell yeah it is," Sebastian affirmed.

"Hoooo, buddy. Pink is your color!" Sam exclaimed.

Seb vigorously dried off his hair with a towel, then shook his hair out and looked in the mirror at his now hot pink locks. "Wow. That looks good as hell."

* * *

 

“Are you gonna be at the performance?” Emily asked Shane, handing him his usual beer.

“What performance?” he raised an eyebrow as he took a sip.

“Sam’s band. They got a gig in Zuzu, at Skully’s. Everyone in Pelican Town’s got tickets. Here’s yours,” Emily said as she slid him a thick paper ticket. It was official as anything Shane had ever seen. “It’s tomorrow at 7pm.”

“I’m surprised they got an actual venue,” Shane chuckled, slipping the ticket into his pocket. “Skully’s is a fun spot. Overpriced drinks and food, but what venue isn't that standard for. ”

“That’s what I said,” Emily said excitedly. “It’ll be awesome! Seeing them all up on a stage, belting their hearts out… oh, Shane, I can’t wait!” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A shorter one. 
> 
> This fic has received over 100 kudos! Thank you so much guys! I've got a little thing in store in celebration, but it'll take some time.


	33. The Concert

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, so, this is the concert chapter. I've decided that the Goblin Crushers are Starset in another universe, so all the music is Starset's. 
> 
> Not all the songs are put in lyric by lyric. I figured that would be a slog to read. Some of the ones I wanted to draw attention to are, however. But all songs have links to the songs on YouTube, so that you can have an idea of what everything sounds like!

Nearly the entirety of Pelican Town was going to the show that night.

Pam sat astride the driver’s seat of the bus. Every citizen under the age of 40 was slowly shuffling onto the bus, while Sam and Abigail, in a blue button down and a black dress, respectively, talked off to the side.

Shane couldn’t help but notice the absence of the two Sebastians, both outside the bus and inside. He glanced out the windshield of the bus, and there sat the Genesis, four ways blinking, trunk being filled with equipment. Sebastian, in a black button down, was loading one of his synthesizers into the back while Seb, wrapped up in a charcoal grey peacoat, sat on the hood, staring at a notebook full of scribblings.

Emily waved at Shane on the bus and patted the seat next to her. He took the seat and tried to rearrange his face from jealousy into neutrality.

“They’re dressed up,” Emily noted, looking out the bus window. “I wonder if that was Seb’s idea.”

“Wouldn’t surprise me,” Shane replied colorlessly. “He’s very fashion forward when he’s not knee-deep in the mud.”

“I’ve always liked that about him,” Emily said wistfully. “But he’s not into women.”

“You’ve never uttered such an incorrect statement in your life,” Shane snorted, making Emily tilt her head in confusion. Seeing this, he elaborated: “He’s very much bisexual. Just apparently not into you.”

“Oh,” Emily said, a hint of disappointment in her voice. “That’s saddening.”

“You’re telling me,” Shane mumbled as the bus roared to life. A glance through the windshield told him the Genesis was on the move, and soon, they would be too.

* * *

 

“Are you nervous?” Sebastian asked Seb, who was gripping the steering wheel so tightly his knuckles shone white.

“Honestly? Extremely,” Seb replied, his voice quavering a little. “I haven’t performed in front of a crowd since I was 24.

“Well, if it makes you feel any better, none of us have performed in front of a crowd, ever,” Sebastian reminded him. “You’re the one with the most experience out of all of us. You’re gonna lead us to victory, remember?”

“Yeah.” Seb drew in a breath, then exhaled sharply. “Yeah. We’re gonna blow this out of the water.”

They pulled into the back lot of Skully’s a few minutes later and started unloading gear.

“Hey, Sebastian Lidowick?” asked a brown haired man at Seb’s driver side window. “Jones Mariam. I’m part of your stage crew. Do you guys need any help unloading?”

“That would be great,” Seb replied, stepping out of his car and popping the trunk. “You guys got our email about stage setup, right?”

“Yeah. We have the curtain set and ready for you guys. Lighting should all be in order too.” Jones picked up one of the synthesizers and started to carry it in. “Have you been in our venue before?”

“I performed here like six years ago,” Seb replied, taking his mic and stand out of the back and following Jones in.

“Yeah? I didn’t realize the Goblin Crushers had been around that long.”

“Oh, not with the Goblin Crushers. I was the frontman for Pacific Pursuit.”

“That’s a name I haven’t heard in a while,” Jones said, a little surprised. “Didn’t realize you were still in the scene. Sad you guys broke up, there was a time where I thought you’d get big.”

“I wasn’t in the scene, really. But I got roped back in,” Seb chuckled as they went up the ramp to the stage. A thin grey curtain had been hung in front of it, with quick release clamps holding it in place. A thin rope dangled from the middle one, and Seb started setting up his mic there.

Jones grabbed his radio and called for the sound girl, who came running around the side of the curtain. She was a redhead, and was very out of breath when she made it to Jones.

“Delilah, this here’s Sebastian Lidowick. Help him get the instruments hooked up.”

“Good to meet you Sebastian!” she exclaimed, shaking the hand he offered vigorously.

“Just call me Seb. It’ll help you differentiate from the other Sebastian,” he chuckled, pointing at Sebastian, who was setting up the stands for his synths.

“Oh Yoba, there’s two of them,” Delilah muttered under her breath. “Is your mic wireless?”

“Yep.”

“What’s its range?”

“300 feet, I think. Is that enough?”

“That should be plenty,” she replied, grabbing the mic’s case and heading around the corner of the curtain. “I’ll be back in a second.”

Sebastian and Seb continued setting up the synths. They had brought and assembled Abigail’s drum kit a few hours before, so that was a headache they didn’t have to deal with. Sam’s guitar and pedals were an easy setup for Jones, and before they knew it, Delilah was hooking up everything to her sound board.

Sam and Abigail came sprinting through the back door as Seb was doing his mic checks.

“Are we ready?” Sam asked, seemingly near panic. “The whole town’s lined up outside the door.”

“Are there any others lined up?”

“Yeah, actually – there were ten people already waiting when the bus got there to unload."

“Alright, you should be all good for sound checks,” Delilah shouted from the back of the venue.

Sam picked up his guitar and played a few chords, and they adjusted as necessary. Abigail tested her drum kit, whose mics needed to be turned up a little more. Seb played a few chords on his synths and made sure he had all the right loops programmed into his Launchpad.

Jones turned on the lights that were positioned behind each of the band members, ensuring they worked. “Alright, I think we’re ready,” he said into this radio. “Go ahead and start the intermission music, start letting people in in fifteen minutes.”

* * *

 

It was nearly half an hour after the bus unloaded when the line started moving in.

It was a rather long line for a band that was just starting out. A solid quarter of the line was comprised of Pelican Town residents, but there was a surprising turnout from elsewhere. Most looked to be rockers, all dressed in black with wild hair colors and piercings.

“They’ve been posting their music on YouTube as they make it,” Emily mentioned to Shane. “It’s pretty good. A mix of hard rock and electronic, with some orchestral elements. Didn’t think it was my thing, but I’m into it.”

“Sounds like something I’d enjoy,” Shane murmured, staring at his phone. He wanted to send a “break a leg!” text to Seb, but was afraid that would be weird.

When they finally got into the venue, Shane made a beeline for the bar. He took a curious look at the stage, but found his view blocked by a silvery curtain. Popular rock played on the speakers, priming the mood for the night.

Once Shane had his beer, he rejoined Emily, who was chatting with Haley and Alex.

“I’m suuuuper excited to see Seb on stage,” Haley drawled.

“He’s a great performer,” said Emily. “At least on karaoke. He doesn’t just stand there. He moves around to the beat at least. I dunno if I would call it dancing.”

Shane nodded and took a sip of his beer. Not at all worth five dollars, but venue drinks were always more expensive.

Once everyone was checked into the venue and seemed to have gotten their spots, the lights went dark. A deafening, static-y tone played over the speakers, [and the first song of the night began.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XZp3Mtn-YsI)

The sound of a piano rang through the venue over the tone, a light turned on behind the curtain, and the shadow of a man in a peacoat graced the curtain.

_“Even a well lit place_

_can hide salvation_

_A map to a one man maze_

_that never sees the sun”_

A second light came on, and the shadow of a person standing at a synth bay hit the curtain.

_“Where the lost_

_are the heroes_

_And the thieves are left to drown”_

A third light came on, and this time the shadow of a guitarist hit the curtain.

_“But everyone knows by now_

_Fairy-tales are not found…”_

The final light came on, and the shadow of a drummer, sticks raised high in the air, was cast on the curtain.

_“They’re written in the walls_

_As we walk…”_

The singer pulled on a cord, and the curtain fell to reveal the band.

_“…in a straight line!_

_Down in the dirt with a landslide approaching_

_But nothing could ever stop us from stealing our own place in the sun_

_We will_

_Face the odds against us and run into the fear we run from (ah ah)_

_It has begun.”_

 

Shane was in awe. The way Seb moved and sang was captivating to him. His voice sent chills down his spine. He felt his crush swell just a little more watching him on stage.

 

_“Into the dark below_

_Evading shadows_

_Blind in a rabbit's hole_

_We fall beneath the earth_

_And watch the shell come unraveled_

_As the seed begins to rise_

_Embracing a starlit fate_

_as we wait_

_in the night_

_It's written in the walls_

_As we walk_

 

_In a straight line!_

_Down in the dirt with a landslide approaching_

_But nothing could ever stop us from stealing our own place in the sun_

_We will_

_Face the odds against us and run into the fear we run from (ah ah)_

_It has begun. Ah, ah,_

_It has begun. Ah, ah,_

_It has begun. Ah, ah,_

_It has begun. Ah, ah,_

_It has begun.”_

Seb threw out his arms and bowed his head dramatically, and the crowd erupted into applause and cheering.

“This is shaping up to be a good show,” Emily yelled to Shane, who nodded in agreement.

“How’s everyone doing tonight?” Seb yelled into his microphone as Sebastian took them into a dramatic outro. The crowd cheered back incomprehensively. “I’m glad you all made it down here tonight, to support us. For those of you who don’t know, we are the Goblin Crushers, and we fully intend on rocking your socks off tonight.”

The crowd cheered again. Seb threw off his peacoat, revealing his plain white button down and loosely tied skinny black tie.

“We’re a little band from Pelican Town, if you didn’t already know. We do cinematic rock. It’s good to see so many people out there in the crowd at our very first show.

“I’m a little chatty on stage. Hope that’s okay. Let’s get down to the show, shall we?”

* * *

 

Looking out into the crowd during his introductory speech, Seb saw many familiar faces – the residents of Pelican Town, a dozen dedicated fans of Pacific Pursuit, a couple handfuls of rockers, and Kaylee, dressed to the nines, looking like a goth masterpiece. But among those was a face that he didn’t want to see.

In the back, seated at the bar, looking up at the stage, was his most recent ex, Anne Miraglio. A curvy blonde with dark eyeliner and overdrawn lips. How she had found out about the show was beyond him – he knew rock wasn’t her thing, so there was no reason for her to be here, other than for him.

He felt an almost feral anxiety shoot through him as they started playing _Into the Unknown._

 _Just get through the show,_ he thought to himself as the intro started. _Kill it on stage. Make her wish she was still with you._

 _[Into the Unknown](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SXo0Bqp5O9I). [Satellite](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LyJAoB_OmdE). [Carnivore](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LAMiX5EEbFU). _ An acoustic version of _[Telepathic](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QeCERMJr5mw), _ which in his opinion sounded better than the normal version _._ The songs came and went, and he sang with as much heart and soul as he could possibly muster.

Then they came to _Frequency_. And he couldn’t resist a remark to the crowd, while staring directly at his ex.

“This next song is something I wrote for the last girl I dated. And if you’ve ever poured out your heart and soul for someone, only to get nothing back, you’ll understand it. This is called [_Frequency_](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nrGiHm-iMrM).

_“I was scanning through the skies_

_And missed the static in your eyes_

_Something blocking your reception_

_It's distorting our connection_

_With the distance amplified_

_Was it all just synthesized?_

_And now the silence screams that you are gone_

_You've tuned me out_

_I've lost your frequency.”_

He hazarded a glance at Anne, who had moved closer, looking up at the stage, chewing her lip. He wanted her to know this song was about her. How she had torn his heart out with apathy when he’d needed her most.

_“There's something here that’s broken_

_There's something here with no end_

_It's paralyzed_

_It's in your eyes_

_Cause I can feel your soul fade_

_I can feel your heart change_

_It falls out of phase with mine_

_While you oscillate inside_

_Or is it only in my head?_

_I was scanning through the skies_

_And missed the static in your eyes_

_Something blocking your reception_

_It's distorting our connection_

_With the distance amplified_

_Was it all just synthesized?_

_And now the silence screams that you are gone_

_You've tuned me out_

_I've lost your frequency.”_

 

This song was one of the ones that the entire band played with an intensity unmatched by other songs. The lights behind them came on, and they pushed forward.

 

_“Left inside a half-life_

_Irradiated insides_

_These memories_

_They never leave_

_I bared my soul for you and all I got was static_

_My heart was bulletproof till you took off the jacket!_

_I was scanning through the skies_

_And missed the static in your eyes_

_Something blocking your reception_

_It's distorting our connection_

_With the distance amplified_

_Was it all just synthesized?_

_And now the silence screams that you are gone_

_You've tuned me out_

_I've lost your frequency._

_Your frequency…”_

 

The crowd cheered during the instrumental lull, filling the four of them with renewed vigor. Seb took a sip of water, preparing for the screaming of the next lines.

 

_“Castaaaaaway_

_My cries are blocked by the horizon_

_Suffocaaa-aaaate_

_I was doing this all for **YOUUUUUUU!**_

**_I’M IN THE SHALLOWS!_ **

**_STUCK IN THE GALLOWS!_ **

**_I TRIED TO SAVE YOU NOW I’M SWALLOOOOOWED!_ **

**_YOU WANTED WAAAAAR!_ **

**_I AM THE WAAAAR!_ **

**_I ALAAAAAOOOON!_ **

_Something blocking your reception_

_It's distorting our connection_

_With the distance amplified_

_Was it all just synthesized?_

_And now the silence screams that you are gone_

_You've tuned me out_

_I've lost your **FREQUENCAAAAAAYYYY!**_

**_AAAAAAAAAUUUUUUGGGHHH!”_ **

 

The crowed erupted into cheers. Emily and Haley were pushing their way to the front to hold out their hands to him. Sam was panting on stage, and so was Abigail.

“Whew,” Seb said into his mic. “That was really something, huh?” He leaned down to high five Emily and Haley. “This next song – this next song isn’t built on feelings of hurt. It’s written about friendship. Written for the friend you would do anything for. This is _Halo_.”

He looked down into the crowd, searching for Shane. Shane was looking at the stage with a quizzical look on his face. Seb winked at him, then looked away before he could see Shane’s reaction as [they began.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=01BsH0p_T8c)

 

_“I can see you running, running_

_Every night from the same darkness_

_It's coming, coming_

_But you are not alone_

_If you just say the word_

_I'll be there by your side_

_You make me more_

_You make me superhuman.”_

Seb reached his hand out into the air. _“And if you need me to_

_I will save you!_

_Send out the signal and I'll fly loooow_

_If it means the death of me, I won't let goooo_

_And if I'm lost in the world’s shadoooows_

_I'll use the light that comes to me_

_From your haaaaaaaloooo-ooo-ooooo._

_Your haaaaaaaloooo-ooo-ooooo_

_Haaaaaaaloooo-ooo-ooooo…_

_When you're backed against the wall_

_I could be the one who's always there to break your fall_

_You are not alone_

_You're the sun, you're the day_

_The light that guides me through_

_Never run, run away_

_I will save you_

_Send out the signal and I'll fly loooow_

_If it means the death of me, I won't let goooo_

_And if I'm lost in the world’s shadoooows_

_I'll use the light that comes to me_

_From your haaaaaaaloooo-ooo-ooooo.”_

 

Sam stepped forward for a guitar solo, and Seb stepped back to grab another sip of water and his distorted mic.

 

_“Send out the signal and I'll fly lo-o-oow_

_If it means the death of me, I won't let goooo_

_And if I'm lost in the world’s shado-o-oows_

_I'll use the light that comes to me_

_From your haaaaaaaloooo-oooooooo.”_

 

Seb raised the distorted mic to his lips and glanced at Shane.

Was… was he crying?

Seb shook his head. He could worry about that later.

He sang into the distorted mic, his voice ringing out as if from an astronaut’s radio:

 

_“And if I'm lost in the worlds shadows_

_I'll use the light that comes to me…”_

 

Sam moved up to his mic to sing backups, and Seb continued on.

 

_"I won’t let go_

_I won’t let goooo_

_I won’t let go_

_I won’t let gooooooooo!_

_And if I’m lost in the world’s shado-o-oows_

_I’ll use the light that comes to me_

_From your haaaaa-loooo-oo-ooo._

_Your haaaaa-loooo-ooooo…_

_Haaaaa-loooo-oo-ooo.”_

* * *

 

Shane looked pointedly away from the stage and away from Emily when she returned from the front. A few tears had fallen from his eyes, and his chest felt heavy with emotion.

Happiness. Safety, because he now knew, beyond a doubt, that Seb cared deeply for him.

But also sadness, sadness that fed the sneering voice in his head, sadness because he was only a friend to Seb.

The rest of the show was a blur to him. He found himself at the bar, ordering another beer when a blonde girl caught his eye.

She was quite the looker – a bodycon black dress stretched over her torso, strappy black heeled sandals, eyeliner thicker than he’d ever seen before, and lipstick that extended a little ways past where her actual lips were.

She kept glancing at the stage, where the band continued to perform, and every time she looked at Seb she looked like she was going to break down into tears. Several empty cocktail glasses sat in front of her, stained with her deep red lipstick.

She caught Shane looking at her, with his still somewhat teary eyes, and she patted the seat beside her. He hesitated, but took it after a moment.

“He used to sing about me,” she choked out. “Used to sing kinder, happier things, even if they were tainted by the mention of the drugs he’s a slave to. But now I’m just a notch in the bedpost, another girl he couldn’t love.”

Shane didn’t say anything. He just drank his beer, letting the lyrics of  _[My Demons](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Or9FqF0qZBs) _ wash over him. He could’ve written that song, could’ve written it about Seb. He quieted the sneering voice in his head. He made him feel normal.

“They warned me about him,” she continued tearfully. “Warned me that he was a poet, and that he could tear me down as easily as he built me up.”

Shane glanced up at the stage. He suddenly became aware of Seb’s gaze on the both of them as he took a breath in between stanzas.

“He wrote a song about you, too, didn’t he?” she asked, taking a drink from her cocktail glass.

Shane nodded.

“Was it a good one? A happy one?”

Shane nodded again, taking a sip of his beer.

“You’re lucky,” she sniffled. “I would do anything for him to write a song about how much he cared about me. But he doesn’t care anymore. He stopped caring years ago, when he pink-slipped me.”

Shane raised an eyebrow, but didn’t say anything. _This must be one of his exes. Why is she here if they broke up years ago?_

As the crowd cheered again, Seb started talking again.

“It seems I’ve made a habit of writing songs about my past. This last song is about the same girl. The girl who started me on so many bad habits, the one who nearly destroyed me when I had barely begun to live. Here’s a little ditty called _“[Monster.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dPqixofTN98)” _

As the synthesized violins played, the woman beside Shane began sobbing in earnest. Seb was looking this way, a look of fury on his face as he began.

 

_“Under the knife I surrendered_

_The innocence yours to consume_

_You cut it away_

_And you filled me up with hate_

_Into the silence you sent me_

_Into the fire consumed_

_You thought I’d forget_

_But it’s always in my head_

_You're the pulse in my veins_

_You're the war that I wage_

_Can you change me?_

_Can you change me?_

_You're the love that I hate_

_You're the drug that I take_

_Will you cage me?_

_Will you cage me?_

_You're the pulse in my veins_

_You're the war that I wage_

_Can you change me?_

_Can you change me?_

_From the monster you made me?_

_The monster you made me?”_

 

Shane glanced over at his blonde company, who had her head and arms folded on the bar and was shaking.

 _Yoba, I pity Sebastian when they break up,_ Shane thought to himself, getting up and moving back to where Emily and the rest of Pelican Town was rocking out.

 

_“This is the world you've created_

_The product of what I've become_

_My soul and my youth_

_Seems it's all for you to use_

_If I could take back the moment_

_I let you get under my skin_

_Relent or resist?_

_Seems the monster always wins!_

_You're the pulse in my veins_

_You're the war that I wage_

_Can you change me?_

_Can you change me?_

_You're the love that I hate_

_You're the drug that I take_

_Will you cage me?_

_Will you cage me?_

_You're the pulse in my veins_

_You're the war that I wage_

_Can you change me?_

_Can you change me?_

_From the monster you made me?_

_The monster you made me?”_

 

Shane closed his eyes and allowed the music to surround him. He found himself moving to it, rocking out beside Emily, letting the lyrics backed with such dramatic guitar and synth soak into his brain and set him free.

 

_“My heart's an artifice, a decoy soul_

_I'll lift you up and then I'll let you go_

_I've made an art of digging shallow holes_

_I drop the darkness in and watch it grow_

_My heart's an artifice, a decoy soul_

_Who knew the emptiness could be so cold?_

_I've lost the parts of me that make me whole_

**_I AM THE DARKNESS,_ **

**_I’M A MONSTER!_ **

****

_You're the pulse in my veins_

_You're the war that I wage_

_Can you change me?_

_Can you change me?_

_You're the love that I hate_

_You're the drug that I take_

_Will you cage me?_

_Will you cage me?_

_You're the pulse in my veins_

_You're the war that I wage_

_Can you change me?_

_Can you change me?_

_From the monster you made me?_

_The monster you made me?_

_The monster you made me?_

_The monster you made me?”_

 

Seb struck a pose on stage, and the crowd went wild. The whole band came forward and took a bow, then Seb yelled into his mic: “Thank you, everyone! We are Goblin Crushers, and we wish you a good night!”

“We’re selling CDs of our first album at our merch table on the way out!” Sam interjected. “Just 5 dollars each!”

* * *

 

“You haven’t lost that energy, even after so long,” Kaylee smiled at Seb as she handed over $5 to Sam for the CD.

“I did my best. It’s all I could do,” he replied, a smirk betraying his pride. “I appreciate you coming and supporting us.”

“Anytime,” Kaylee smiled. “Hey, uh… did you see who I saw earlier?” She raised an eyebrow and mouthed ‘Anne.’

Seb’s face dropped. “Yeah. Yeah I did. Nearly gave me a panic attack on stage. No idea how she found out about the show.”

“Me either,” Kaylee muttered. “I told her I was going to a rock concert, but that was it. No other info.”

“Whatever. As long as she doesn’t come to the merch table, I’ll be fine.” Seb sighed and squared his shoulders.

“You’ll be fine,” Kaylee echoed. “I believe in you. I’ll text you later!”

Seb held his hand up in farewell as Kaylee sauntered away, her black and purple high-low dress swaying with her hips.

Sam watched her walk away, mouth slightly open. “Who… who was that?”

“Kaylee,” Seb replied, closing his eyes and half-smiling. “Old friend of mine.”

“Is… is she… uh…”

“Single? Has been for several years.” _Unless you count me,_ Seb added in his head.

“Duly noted,” Sam chuckled. “As if I stand a chance.”

“Her style is everything I’ve wanted mine to be,” Abigail murmured. “I’d kill for that dress.”

“She used to style me,” Seb laughed. “Picked out my outfit for the flower dance last year. Says my aesthetic should forever be ‘rumpled chic.’”

Emily, Haley, Alex, and Shane made their way up to the merch table.

"You guys were so good!" Emily exclaimed, running up and hugging Abigail. "How long did you practice for this?"

"Three months, if not longer," Sam replied proudly. "We weren't about to flop at our very first show."

"You guys killed it!" Alex clapped Seb on the shoulder and Shane nodded in affirmation. "Can we get CDs?"

"Hell yeah you can." Seb gestured to the merch table, where CDs were fanned out with a few smaller items like buttons, pins, and patches.

"Oooo, I want a pin too," Haley said in her usual drawl, picking up an astronaut pin and digging around in her purse for her wallet.

"Me too!" Emily agreed.

"A patch would be sick," Alex said as well. "Gotta populate my jacket."

Shane wordlessly slid Seb ten bucks for a CD and all three pins, earning a warm smile from his best friend.

"We'll see you guys back in town. Gus said there's gonna be a party at the Saloon for you guys!" Emily waved goodbye, and the four headed out of the venue for the bus.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm well ahead on my writing schedule, so here's another chapter! Please tell me how you felt about this chapter - I wasn't too sure how I was gonna do the format, and would like to know what worked and what didn't for the future of the fic! 
> 
> I'm trying to challenge myself at the request of someone to write longer chapters. This one is still pretty short, as I wrote it a few weeks ago, but as soon as we get to the chapter after this one, they start getting longer. 
> 
> And here's a teaser: in the next few chapters, there's gonna be a LOT of Shane.


	34. Downpour

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warnings: suicide attempts, self-harm. This fic has been tagged with both, but I figured I'd give a heads up.

A week after the concert, it rained for three days straight. On the third day, Seb was in the barn, collecting from the milking machine to bottle, when his cell phone started ringing.

“Hey, Marnie,” he answered, pinning his phone to his ear with his shoulder. “What’s up?”

“Hello Seb, dear. Did Shane happen to visit you this morning? Apparently he never showed up for work and we haven’t seen him since he left this morning.”

“No, can’t say that I’ve seen him,” Seb replied slowly. “Do you want me to go look for him? I’m sure you’re busy as all hell, and I’m almost done with chores today.”

“If you wouldn’t mind,” Marnie replied, an edge of stress evident in her voice. “He always seems to get into one of his moods when it rains. Seeing you might make him feel better.”

“Let’s hope. I’ll call you when I find him,” Seb said before hanging up. After setting up the bottling machine, he headed to get an umbrella and get in his car. He knew better than anyone that Shane’s moods were more than just moods, and a sudden disappearance had Seb worried for the worst.

* * *

 

“Shane? Nope, haven’t seen him,” said Pierre.

“Can’t say he’s been up here,” Robin replied.

“Shane? That old grouch? I haven’t seen him, no,” Elliot drawled.

No sign on the mountain, no sign on the beach, no sign in town. That left only the forest, a place that Seb would have to search on foot.

He spotted the tracks across from the gnarled old apple tree that Jas sometimes jumped rope under. Heavy indents in the mud, clearly made by a man on a mission. Just before the treeline was a crushed beer can.

Panic rose in his throat. Shane was out there, somewhere, inebriated and depressed – a cocktail that Seb knew firsthand was potentially deadly. He got out of his car and started down the muddy trail, following the tracks and the empty vessels of alcohol.

The wind howled in his ears. He had to be getting close. It had been nearly a half hour following this trail.

Then he saw one of the craft beers he’d gifted Shane for the Feast of the Winter Star. The bottle was empty, thrown aside in the grass. Beside it were more bottles – some harder liquor, some nicer beer, some fresh and new, some half-buried with cracked labels. Whatever Shane had been doing out here, he’d been doing it for a long, long time.

Another ten minutes of walking got Seb to a clearing by the cliffs. The waves crashed below, adding to the din, and an unconscious Shane lay facedown a foot from the edge. The grass surrounding him was fresh with vomit and an empty case of beer layed in the grass a few feet away. An empty fifth of whiskey sat loosely in his hand.

“Who… who’s there?” Shane groaned, apparently very conscious. “Leave me be… let me do what I was meant to do…”

“Shane, it’s Seb,” he called out, running to kneel beside his best friend. “How long have you been out here?”

“Seb… no… You weren’t supposed to… Yoba… I’m… I’m sorry,” Shane sputtered, a little hiccup escaping him. “I just… my life… it’s a pathetic joke… why do I even try?”

Seb sat down cross-legged beside Shane and pulled his friend’s head into his lap. Shane started sobbing as the rain buffeted his face. His breath was heavy with the scent of alcohol.

“I’m too small and stupid to… to take control of my life… I’m just a p-p-p-piece of soiled garbage flittering in the wind…” Shane sobbed, burping in between breaths.

Seb ran his fingers through Shane’s muddy hair, unsure of what to do with his hands. He could feel the panic rising in his throat, but he fought it down. Panic was not what Shane needed right now.

“I’ve been coming here lately… looking down… these cliffs… here’s a chance to finally take control of my life…”

Seb’s hand moved to grip his forearm, where the scars burned anew.

“But… but… _burp…_ I’m too scared, too… too anxious… Just like… just like always…” Shane continued shakily. Seb hauled him up into a sitting position and leaned him against his chest, where he continued to cry.

“Seb… all I do is work, sleep and drink… to… to dull the feelings of self-hatred…”

“I know…” Seb murmured, wiping his sleeve over Shane’s cheeks in a futile endeavor to keep them dry.

“Why should I even go on? Tell me… please… tell me why I shouldn’t roll of this cliff right now.”

Seb hesitated for a second while Shane’s body shook. He could try and convince Shane he had so much to live for. But even if that was true, Shane wouldn’t believe him. He could remind him of Jas. But that would only make Shane feel worse.

He settled on something that he wished someone would have said to him when he was sobbing in his bathtub with a broken safety razor on the rim.

“You can jump if you want to, buddy. It’s your choice. I have no right to stop you. But I don’t want you to. I would lose my best friend, and the person in my life who understands the feelings the best. And if you don’t jump, I’ll always be there for you. No matter how far down into that abyss you go.” Seb hugged Shane from behind, shaking with fear. Was that the right thing to say?

Shane’s sobs returned, more violent now than before. He continued for a few minutes, before they quieted down again. “Thanks… I… I appreciate you, Seb… I appreciate you so much…”

Shane continued sobbing for another few minutes, before continuing in a choked voice: “I… I wish I could spend the rest of my life with… with you… in your arms… but you… you des… deserve so… so so so much better than a disaster like me… you HAVE someone better… better than me…”

Seb froze up, but said nothing.

Shane continued choking out his feelings. “You’re the best thi… thing that’s ever happened to … to me… in my stupid, sorry life… Yoba’s grace… I’m sorry… Seb, I… I think I love you…”

Tears started to fall from Seb’s closed eyes onto Shane’s sodden hoodie.

“But there’s… there’s no chance… I have no chance… You’re a model of a man… a stand-up guy with friends and a lover… and I’m just… I’m a drunken black hole that sucks in all the happiness around me…”

Seb’s tongue unraveled, unbidden, and he started to sing.

_“Send out the signal, and I’ll fly low_

_If it means the death of me, I won’t let go_

_And if I must in the world’s shadow_

_I’ll use the light that comes to me_

_From your haaaa-looooo…”_

And with that, Seb hauled Shane to his feet. “Come on. We need to get you to the hospital. Lean on me, bud.”

Seb slowly led Shane out of the forest, [softly singing the song he had written about him](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1jwdXSDRstE).

* * *

 

“Seb?” Harvey peeked out into the waiting room, where a dripping wet Seb sat anxiously.

“Is he okay?” Seb shot to his feet.

“I’ve pumped his stomach and put him on a saline drip to hydrate him,” Harvey said as he led Seb back to Shane’s room. “He should be okay soon enough.”

“That’s a good thing to hear,” Seb murmured as they entered the procedure room. Shane lay on the bed, dressed in a blue gown, wrists restrained to keep him from pulling the IV out of his arm.

“Given what you told me upon his intake, I’m going to do a psych evaluation once he wakes up. We may have to send him to the hospital in Zuzu City, for inpatient mental care.”

Seb nodded. “I’ve been in that unit before. It’s one of the better ones.”

“Have you?” Harvey looked surprised.

Without a moment of hesitation, Seb held out his forearms for Harvey to see. “No one caught me until I was bleeding out.”

Harvey nodded. “It’s unfortunate you had to be there. But you seem to be doing okay now.”

“I had a deep brain stimulation device implanted in me to help my depression,” Seb explained. “Extremely invasive, expensive procedure. But I haven’t had a suicidal thought or depressive episode since.”

“I don’t know that Shane will have the privilege of one of those,” Harvey sighed, “but we can do other things for him. Therapy. Medication. I’m sure you know the battery.”

“I studied psychology in college,” Seb affirmed. “Wanted to be a therapist but didn’t have the grades or money for grad school.”

Harvey nodded in understanding. “Unfortunate. From what I’ve heard, you would make a wonderful therapist.

“I’ll leave the two of you alone. Alert me when he wakes up."

* * *

 

Shane started to stir, and the first thing that hit his consciousness was [Seb’s voice](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=adXKTphElEY).

_“Mayday! Mayday!_

_This ship is slowly sinking_

_They think I'm crazy but they don't know the feeling_

_They're all around me_

_Circling like vultures_

_They wanna break me and wash away my colors_

_Wash away my colors.”_

He kept his eyes closed for a moment, letting the words and music sink into his skin and soothe the ache in his head.

_“Take me high and I'll sing_

_Oh you make everything okay, okay, okay_

_Kay, okay, okay_

_We are one and the same_

_Oh you take all of the pain away, away, away_

_Way, away, away_

_Save me if I become_

_My demons.”_

He finally opened his eyes to find Seb leaned against the wall, dripping wet, pink hair plastered to his forehead, singing quietly.

_“I cannot stop this sickness taking over_

_It takes control and drags me into nowhere_

_I need your help, I can't fight this forever_

_I know you're watching_

_I can feel you out the-_ oh, you’re awake,” Seb said softly. “I’ll be back in a second.”

He left in a hurry, leaving Shane to his thoughts in the empty room.

Shane closed his eyes again, trying to keep the harsh fluorescent light at bay. His head hurt like a motherfucker, and his body felt similarly. He remembered very little of the last few hours – the stumble to the cliffs was clear as day, but once he opened the bottle of whiskey, he was drawing a blank.

Seb and Dr. Harvey returned a few moments later. Seb took up his previous spot against the wall again, and Harvey pulled up a stool beside Shane’s bed.

“Glad you could join us, Shane,” Harvey said in his “bedside manner” voice. “Do you know why you’re here?”

“No idea,” Shane murmured, his eyes on Seb.

“Our dear farmer Sebastian brought you in today, with a severe case of alcohol poisoning and suicidal thoughts,” Harvey explained, tapping his pen on his clipboard.

“Oh,” Shane said in a small voice.

“Given the circumstances of your arrival in my office, I have to ask you a number of questions. Please answer them as truthfully as you can.”

Shane nodded.

Harvey asked his battery of questions, the standard clinical interview that Seb recognized from his classes. Questions about symptoms, coping mechanisms, self-harm, and suicide were asked.

“Have you ever attempted to take your own life?” Harvey asked Shane.

“I think I may have been about to,” Shane murmured, a look of shame on his face.

“Alright, Shane,” Harvey said after a moment of assessing his clipboard. “My recommendation, given that you were caught right before a suicide attempt, is that we transfer you to Zuzu Medical’s Harding Psychiatric Inpatient Unit. You will not be there for too long – a week is the average amount of time someone spends in the unit. In this unit, they will do a more rigorous evaluation of your condition, get you started on medication, and connect you to some resources to aid your mental health.”

Shane nodded.

“I can call for an ambulance, or Seb can take you himself. If Seb takes you, I will send you with a referral. Which one would you prefer?”

“I…” Shane hesitated. “I’d rather not take an ambulance.”

Seb and Harvey nodded in understanding.

“Then I’ll get you ready to discharge.” Harvey moved to undo the restraints on Shane’s wrists and remove the IV.

“I’ll go ask Marnie for some clean clothes,” Seb said, pulling out his phone and stepping out of the room.

Harvey turned to Shane before removing his IV. “There’s always hope for a better future, Shane. You’ve got to believe that.”

Shane stared blankly forward, barely hearing Dr. Harvey. He wasn’t ready to believe those words. Not yet.

* * *

 

“I’ll be straight with you,” Seb said as they zoomed down the state route towards the main highway. “The inpatient unit at Zuzu Medical isn’t an amazing place. You will get bored. You will feel trapped after a few days. You won’t have much contact with the outside world. But it’s for your own good. This place will help you get your mental health on track.”

“How do you know all this? How are you so sure?” Shane asked, his voice weary.

“I spent a week in there,” Seb revealed. He held out his right forearm for Shane to examine.

“Why and how did you try?” Shane asked, looking at the now-white scar. “I mean, obviously by cutting. But like… what happened to bring you to that moment?”

Seb sighed. “I had a rough week at work beforehand. My ex, Anne – blonde girl, fond of eyeliner and dark lipstick – she had shown up to my work to try and demand that we talk. She caught me on my lunch break, and screamed at me in the parking garage about how I was so cruel for pink slipping her – forced her to go to inpatient, I mean. I tried to break up with her and she had threatened to kill herself. That was the last I saw of her for like, three years. She must have been stuck in rehab or something for a while, cuz she really liked her drugs. She was the one who got me into the partying lifestyle. She called me a hypocrite, that I was no better than her, and accused me of being abusive. Which wasn’t true. Never once did I hit her or even raise my voice at her.

“But anyway. She berated me in the parking garage, and apparently a few of my coworkers had seen. They took it to HR, requesting that I get investigated. And so they did. I thought I was going to lose my job over a false claim.

“So I cut myself off from the world. Called off for a week, didn’t answer calls or texts. Drank myself into a hole. Didn’t leave my apartment for days. Eventually, I found myself in my bathtub, breaking my safety razor and pulling out the blades. Everything looked so bleak. I was about to lose my job over a false allegation in order to save JojaCo face, or at least I thought I was. And all I had to lose was my job. I had exactly one real friend, and no prospects of ever recovering professionally if I did lose my job. So I tried to put myself out of my misery, with a razor blade.”

Shane looked on as Seb told this story, his heart heavy with sorrow. It made too much sense.

“My friend Kaylee had decided to intrude that day, though. She had a spare key to my apartment, back from when we were friends with benefits. She found me in my bathtub, bleeding out. The first thing she did was scream. As you would expect. Then she called 911.

“They psych eval’ed me in Zuzu Medical, after several blood transfusions and stitches. I got committed to inpatient, and I spent a week there. A miserable fucking week. No one ever spoke in there. But they got me started on medication, and eventually referred me to get a deep brain stimulator. I don’t have suicidal thoughts anymore because of it.”

“At least it’ll be helpful,” Shane murmured. “I’ll be missing a whole week of work for this bullshit.”

“I hope it’s worth it for you,” Seb said, his voice cracking. “I don’t want to lose you, Shane. I don’t ever want to find your body at the bottom of the cliffs.”

* * *

 

“How is he?” Marnie half-whispered, letting Seb in at his knock and gesturing for him to take a seat at the kitchen table.

“He’ll be alright,” Seb said quietly, crossing his legs and folding his hands on top of his knees. “He had a severe case of alcohol poisoning.”

“A-alcohol poisoning?” Marnie sputtered, sitting down at the table across from Seb. “That early in the day?”

“Do you remember, last spring, when he said he hoped he wouldn’t be around long enough to need a plan for the future?”

Marnie nodded, her eyebrows furrowed.

Seb glanced towards Jas’ room before saying, “I found him out by the cliffs, Marnie. Ready to jump.”

A hand flew to her mouth. “What?”

“Shane’s suicidal. He probably has been for a long time. He drowns his depression in alcohol. He believes he’s going absolutely nowhere in life. And frankly, he’s not entirely wrong – he’s stuck in a dead end job with no friends.”

“No friends except you and maybe Emily,” Marnie affirmed. “I knew he was depressed, but I never knew how to help. He never lets me in.”

“The only reason he’s let me help him the few times I have is because we’re cut from the same cloth,” Seb said sadly. “I used to do a lot of different things to drown the crippling depression. I had next to no friends in Zuzu. And when my crazy ex almost got me fired from my job, I tried to end it all.”

“Oh, dear Seb,” Marnie said tearfully. “I didn’t know.”

“No one except you, Shane, and Dr. Harvey know the full story,” Seb said. His eyes grew stormy. “And I would prefer that it didn’t get spread around.”

Marnie nodded.

“I will do everything in my power to make sure Shane stays on this planet,” Seb continued. “He’s my best friend, and I couldn’t bear to lose him. Especially not in the same way I almost lost my life.”

“What can I do to help him, Seb?” Marnie asked, a hint of desperation in her voice.

“Visit him while he’s in Zuzu Medical. Visiting hours are from 6pm to 9pm. Whatever the doctors prescribe him – AA, therapy, medication, what have you – support him with that. I’m willing to drive him to therapy once a week, but I’m sure he’d appreciate it if you took him every so often. Don’t pry about his feelings. Be there for him, but don’t force him to talk. And this last one’s a stretch, but-“ Seb leaned in “-maybe see about getting him out of the clutches of JojaMart. Lord knows that adds to his stress.”

Marnie nodded slowly. “I’ll… I’ll try my best. It’s just so hard not to pry. He’s my nephew, and I want to see him happy, and he would do so much better if he just-“

“Marnie.” Seb’s voice was calm but firm. “He’s not going to feel any better unless he talks on his own terms. Give him the space to tell you things, but also give him space to arrange his thoughts.”

“Okay,” Marnie said softly. “I’ll do my best.”

“That’s all I can ask of you,” Seb smiled.

“What am I going to tell Jas?” Marnie asked suddenly, glancing towards Jas’ room.

Seb hesitated. “Just tell her that Shane’s sick. He needs time with the doctors to feel better.”

“Okay. Seb, dear, I can’t thank you enough. You shouldn’t have to do any of this.”

“Not everything works out as expected,” Seb said almost dismissively. “Sometimes things go wrong, and you just have to re-adjust your headings. Do you have the clothes?”

“Right here,” Marnie affirmed, handing him a paper bag filled with Shane’s clothing. “I’ll see you later, Seb.”

“He’s in good hands, Marnie,” Seb assured her. “I might not be perfect, but I think me finding him on the cliffs was the best-case scenario.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here we begin having longer chapters! 
> 
> I'm currently working on the 100 kudos thing. It should be ready in a few weeks!


	35. Visiting Hours

The sky hung low in the sky, the sunset tones of pink and orange shining through through Seb’s window. The two Sebastians sat on Seb’s couch, controllers in hand, each commanding a little blue character that dashed around the screen.

“You play a lot riskier than me,” Sebastian remarked as Seb’s character took a hit from the area boss. “Hang back a bit, if you die we have to start over.”

“I get greedy,” Seb chuckled, mashing the attack button. “But sometimes my greed pays off. So I keep doing it.”

“Well, hang back for right now. You’re down to one health pack and this fucker still has half his health left.”

Seb had gotten Hyper Light Drifter from Sebastian as a 31st birthday present just a few days ago, and they were already nearly done with the northern area of the game.

The two of them commanded their fighters, dodging over the exploding tiles and taking pot shots at the bird shaman boss.

“I’m gonna go for it,” Seb said, seeing the boss’ health bar at maybe 5 hits away.

 _“Hang back,”_ Sebastian pleaded, but Seb’s fighter rushed forward, took two shots, swung his sword three times, and dodged backwards. The bird shaman still stood, and levelled an attack at Seb, bringing him down to 1 health.

“Health pack,” Sebastian said exasperatedly.

“Yeah, yeah, I’m on it,” Seb muttered, healing his character.

After both characters delivering a flurry of blows, Sebastian’s character rushed forward, and with a few swings of his sword, took out the bird shaman once and for all.

“FUCK YEAH!” they both yelled, high fiving each other and hugging.

“This game is _tough,_ ” Seb said into Sebastian’s shoulder. “But so much fun. Holy fuck.”

“I heard it described as _Dark Souls_ ’ pixelated cousin and was like, damn, that sounds like a trip.” Sebastian laughed. “It really lives up to that description.”

The two broke apart, and Seb moved to his kitchen and began whipping up some dinner – chicken thighs, roasted broccoli, and white rice was what he had planned that day.

“Oh, hey, I’ve been meaning to tell you…” Sebastian started saying nervously, coming into the kitchen and leaning against the cluttered counter.

“Yeah?” Seb looked up from the chicken he was seasoning.

“I’m gonna be going to college. Getting that programming degree.”

“Yeah? That’s great!” Seb smiled at his boyfriend proudly. “Online or in-person?”

“In person,” Sebastian said in a small voice. “I… uh… I wanted to bring it up because I got accepted to Chaspool State…”

“Dude, that’s awesome!” Seb twisted a few more grinds of pepper onto the chicken thighs. “That’s where I went to college, back in the day.”

“I wanted to talk to you about where our relationship may end up,” Sebastian said, voice still soft.

Seb was quiet for a few minutes as he sprinkled salt, onion powder, and cayenne flakes onto the chicken.

“We’d be doing long distance,” Seb said carefully. “Do you want me to be honest?”

“Absolutely.”

“I… I don’t know that I can do long distance,” Seb said sadly. He put the chicken the oven then turned to his boyfriend. “I’ve tried it before, back when I first went to college. My girlfriend at the time, Lucille, decided to go to a college way south of Chaspool, and we tried to stay together through it. It didn’t work. We couldn’t make the transition from being able to hold each other every day to seeing each other once a month at most.”

“That’s what I was worried about too,” Sebastian sighed. “Abigail doesn’t really count, but going from seeing her every day to seeing her only on breaks kinda killed our closeness. But… I’ve gotten to really love being here in the valley with you. I feel like I’d be throwing away something amazing by going to college…”

Seb washed his hands and moved closer to his namesake. “I don’t want to be the reason you don’t follow your dreams, Sebby.” He put his hands on Sebastian’s shoulders. “And having lived the college experience, it’s worth every moment to uproot yourself and be somewhere new. Online classes wouldn’t be the same.”

“The whole reason I feel like I can do it now is you, though.” Sebastian looked up at his boyfriend, looking like he was about to cry. “You’re my rock. You make me feel like I can conquer the world. I don’t know if I could survive out there without you…”

Seb put his forehead against Sebastian’s. “You ended things with Abigail when we were just friends, remember? You’ve got all the potential, all you need is a little push in the right direction.”

“But if we stop dating, I won’t have anyone to push me anymore.”

“Yes you will. Just because we end things romantically doesn’t mean I’m going to disappear from your life, unless you want me to. You’re not just my romantic partner, Sebby. You’re also my friend.” Seb paused. “I’d be willing to try long distance for a while, if you want. I just want you to know that I might not be able to sustain that, you know?”

Sebastian nodded, a single tear rolling down his cheek.

“You got accepted for fall semester?”

“Yeah. I’m waiting on my dorm assignment currently.”

“Then we’ve got ‘til fall to think about what to do, don’t we?” Seb kissed him on the forehead. “Whatever you want to do, I’ll support you. Even if it means I lose my favorite man in the world.”

“I love you, Seb,” Sebastian said tearfully, hugging his boyfriend and burying his face in Seb’s chest.

“I love you too, Sebby.” Seb held Sebastian as tightly as he could. “More than you’ll ever know.”

* * *

 

Shane sat down at one of the round tables in the dim common area with his plate of food to pick at – mashed potatoes, cauliflower, and pot roast. It had been two days since he had been admitted to the inpatient unit, and he was starting to figure out the routine – breakfast and vitals, individual care meetings, lunch, downtime in the pods, dinner, common area activities, sleep.

The staff had given him a journal to write in when he had first been admitted. Without much else to do, that journal was slowly getting filled with the slew of thoughts that poured from the depths of his mind.

He fished a pencil out of his pocket from the handful they’d given him – apparently pens were banned on the unit – and between bites of his food, he scribbled away:

 

_“April 19, 2018 5:42 PM_

_I suppose I’m going to commit to this whole journaling thing. They don’t let us do hardly anything out of their sight, which I guess makes sense cuz of why we’re all here, but spending time in my room with nothing to do when my podmates are like brick walls gets dull as shit. The rooms are just four white walls with a window I can’t open for fresh air._

_I’m very grateful they started giving me Valium. The first day of withdrawal sucked ass. Could barely move, puking everywhere… ugh. I guess that’s all the proof I’m gonna get that I’m an alcoholic. What a fucking joke of a person I am, huh?_

_I’ve been trying to remember the day Seb found me. I’ve been trying for a few days now. Nothing’s coming up. All I remember is draining the whiskey bottle, and from there everything fades to black. I remember waking up to him singing… singing to me, I think. And in the dark blur I can hear him humming that song he wrote. Or maybe that’s just wishful thinking. I don’t fucking know._

_He said he’d come visit me again today. I don’t know if he’s bringing Marnie and Jas. I almost hope he isn’t. I don’t want them to see me like this, in this place. Especially not Jas._

_Maybe I’m sheltering Jas too much from this stuff. She’s a smart kid, she’s bound to figure it out at some point. I just don’t want her to figure it out yet, you know? I want her to be older before she knows what suffering looks like._

_I hope she doesn’t end up having the same issues I do.”_

 

Shane’s journaling was interrupted by one of the therapists.

“Did everyone have a wonderful dinner?” she asked in her too-peppy voice that grated on Shane’s ears.

She got a few nods, but no one said anything.

“I’m glad. Tonight’s activity is drawing! I’m going to hand out pieces of paper and markers, and you’re going to draw something you love!”

A few people groaned, but most didn’t react.

The papers were handed out, markers deposited at each table, and calming music was put on the common area radio.

Shane stared at the paper, his purple marker hovering over the surface. The little voice in his head kept muttering about how this activity was stupid and childish, and he found himself too nervous and insecure with his artistic ability to put a single mark on the paper.

“Do you need some help, Shane?” the too-peppy therapist asked him as she passed by.

“Maybe,” he grumbled, setting the marker down.

“Do you have any family members? Hobbies? Friends? I’d expand the subject to ‘like,’ if you can’t get anything flowing for ‘love.’ Sometimes ‘love’ is too strong of a word for some people.” She smiled at him, then walked off to check on the graying man at the next table, who was making a messy drawing of a dog.

Love? Sure, he loved Jas and Marnie. And Charlie. How could he forget about them? But if he expanded the subject to like, he had a few more things to put down.

His hand moved across the page, making stick figures and a chicken made of a crescent – he was no artist. He labeled them each: Jas for the shortest stick figure, Marnie for one of the medium height ones, Emily for the one with blue hair, and Seb for the tall, pink haired stick figure. Then he labeled his beloved hen, Charlie, and sat back to admire his work.

“That’s quite the collection of likes, Shane,” the therapist smiled as she came back around to him, her green eyes shining with pride. “Who are all those people? And… a bird?”

Shane hesitated, but figured she would press him for the information. “Well… Jas is my goddaughter. Her parents died when she was just a baby, so I take care of her. Marnie is my aunt. She’s a rancher. Jas and I live with her, out in Stardew Valley. Emily is… a friend. She works at the Saloon in Pelican Town. Seb’s the farmer who just moved to the valley. He’s been nothing but kind to me. And the bird is my hen, Charlie.”

“They all sound like wonderful beings,” the therapist gushed, her warm smile annoying Shane with its persistence. “A lot of people find this exercise useful when they’re having suicidal thoughts. Listing off the things you like or love can remind you that you have things worth living for.”

Shane nodded.

“You can go back to your room now, if you want,” the therapist said, gesturing towards his pod. “Visitor hours are soon. Will one of those people come visit you?”

“Seb might,” Shane replied quietly. “I don’t know if he’s gonna bring Marnie and Jas with him, though.” He picked up his journal and the drawing and started heading to his pod. “I’ll be journaling if anyone asks for me.”

After closing the door to his room and setting up at his desk, a beat up plywood contraption with peeling veneer, he opened his journal and started scribbling again:

 

_“April 19, 2018 6:42 PM(?)_

_Tomorrow’s my birthday. What a way to spend it, huh? In the fucking mental hospital, drawing pictures._

_That activity really wasn’t all that bad. Childish, sure, but it had a point. It was to remind us that we all have things that sustain us, even if they’re not people. Charlie sure helps sustain me, even though all she’s got is feathers._

_That therapist is irritating, though. Well-meaning, I guess, but far too bright in this dark place, you know? I didn’t mind that one doctor – I think his name was Ross – he was down to earth. Hopeful, saw the best in you, but not so peppy that I want to pull my hair out._

_I’m honestly kind of hoping Seb brings Marnie and Jas tonight. It’s been a few days. Jas is probably missing me._

_Sometimes I feel like I’m barely there for Jas. I’m always at the saloon, or holed up in my room, or at work I feel like. I try to be there for her on weekends, to play her games of pretend and get my nails done._

_Ross mentioned in his evaluation that I suffered from alcoholism. Yeah, no shit, buddy. He mentioned that they could help me kick the habit here, and then there’d be AA and a regular old therapist once I’m out of this hole. Maybe if I drank less, I’d be there more for Jas.”_

 

Shane heard a knock on his door while he was writing.

“Shane, I’m here with your visitors,” a female voice announced a second before opening the door.

Visitors? Plural?

Shane closed his journal as Seb, Jas, and Marnie walked into his room, Seb carrying two chairs in his arms, Marnie carrying several bags with burritos.

“Uncle Shane!” Jas exclaimed, leaping at his legs and almost toppling him onto the tiled floor. “I missed you!”

“I missed you too, kid,” he said jovially, crouching down to hug her. “It gets lonely without you.”

“It gets lonely without _you!”_ Jas exclaimed. “When are you coming home?”

“In a few days,” Shane reassured her. “I promise.”

“Just a few days? That’s wonderful news,” Marnie sighed in relief.

“A few days if all goes well,” Seb interjected. “As long as he’s feeling better.”

“Uncle Shane, we got to ride in Mister Seb’s car all the way here!” Jas said excitedly, jumping up onto his bed while Marnie handed out burritos to everyone. “It’s really cool. It goes really fast!”

“Oh, I know,” Shane smiled at Jas as he unwrapped his burrito. “I imagine you want a fast car when you grow up now.”

“Oooo. Yeah. But I want mine to be red,” she declared. “Blue is nice, but it’s not as fun!”

“Wow, rude,” Seb chuckled between bites of burrito. “ _I_ think blue is a fun color.”

“It’s not as fun as red,” Jas said resolutely. “Blue makes me think of the sea. That’s very calming. Red makes me think of fire! That’s exciting!”

“Fair enough,” Seb grinned.

“I bet if you work hard like Mister Seb, you can have a car just like his someday,” Marnie assured Jas. “Maybe even a better one, by then.”

“I hope so,” Jas said. “Is that a journal, Uncle Shane? What are you writing about?”

Shane nodded. “I’m just writing about my day.”

“What do you do all day when you’re sick?”

“Well, the doctors come a lot. They check on me, make sure I’m feeling okay. Then I sit around a lot.”

“That sounds boring.”

“It can be. But it’s making me feel better.”

“Are they treating you well here?” Marnie inquired, a hint of worry in her voice.

“They treat me fine,” Shane assured her. “The other patients aren’t very talkative, but that’s fine. The doctors and therapists are on a quest to pick up the slack.”

“That’s to be expected,” Seb said, leaning his chair back. “It’ll get irritating, but they mean well.”

“I know.” Shane took a big bite out of his burrito, despite knowing that eating too quickly, even with Valium and the anti-nausea meds, would make him throw up. “I’m just glad everyone else is pretty quiet.” He shifted in his seat to face Marnie and Jas. “How are things on the ranch?”

“Oh, they’re just fine,” Marnie beamed. “Charlie sorely misses you. Tries to peck me every time I go to pet her.”

Marnie continued in that vein for some time, Jas chiming in every so often when she had a story about the animals to tell. Shane nodded along and smiled, pulling one leg up onto his knee and leaning back in his chair.

He stole a glance at Seb, the room light illuminating his sharp features, and found him staring in that calculating way that he used to hate. It still sometimes made him uncomfortable to be examined by those dark eyes, but he knew now he meant no harm by it. He was simply taking in the person in front of him and thinking – what about, Shane was never sure, but thinking all the same.

“…and Seb suggested we stop and get burritos for all of us while we were on our way here,” Marnie was saying. “Jas hasn’t had much opportunity to be in the city, so he took us to his favorite burrito joint.”

“Hothead,” Seb supplied. “Figured you’d appreciate it especially, Shane. They have an awesome collection of hot sauce you can add to a burrito.”

“I assumed you put some on mine?” Shane said through another mouthful of rice, chicken, cheese, and salsa.

“Yup. Half Hothead sauce, half sweet habanero.”

“Well, it’s fuc- er, it’s really good.”

Seb smiled proudly. “Figured you’d appreciate it. The food here isn’t always amazing.”

“You’ve got that right. They don’t hardly season it,” Shane muttered, cramming the last of his burrito in his mouth.


	36. An Offer You Can't Refuse

“Who’s the man with the pink hair that visits you every day?” asked Shane’s therapist, peering at him through round glasses rimmed with rose gold.

“That’s Seb,” Shane replied, staring up at the textured ceiling. “He’s… he’s my best friend.”

“You hesitated when you said that,” she remarked. “Why is that?”

“I… uh… well… I sometimes wish he was more than that.”

“Really now? Is that feasible?”

Shane burst into laughter. “Fuck no. He’s dating someone else, someone so much less screwed up than me.”

“That’s unfortunate,” his therapist murmured. “He seems to quite like you, regardless.”

“I like to think he does.” Shane shifted so he was leaning forward. “He was apparently the person who found me out on the cliffs.”

“Was he?”

“Yeah. I don’t remember much about what happened out there, honestly. I remember draining the bottle of Jack and staring out into the void. And then everything goes black. His voice cuts through that black, singing to me… but I’m not sure if that actually happened, or if it was a dream.”

“Do you find comfort in him?”

“Absolutely. He’s been down this road before. He apparently spent time in this very facility at some point.”

“He attempted suicide?”

Shane nodded.

“It sounds like he understands the space where your head lives. Would you say that’s accurate?”

“Very. He understands it better than anyone else. He knows how to deal with my moods because he’s lived in them. He knows when I could use a drink, or company, or whatever I need that day.”

“Does he ever need support from you?”

Shane thought for a second, then responded: “Not that I can tell. He’s got something in his head keeping him sane, some sort of machine if I understood him correctly.”

“What about your other visitors?”

“What about them?”

“Who are they? I noticed there was an older woman, and a young child.”

“That’s Marnie and Jas. Marnie’s my aunt and landlord. She runs a ranch in Stardew Valley. Jas is my goddaughter and niece. I take care of her.”

“Do you ever feel you have trouble taking care of your goddaughter?” the therapist inquired.

Shane hesitated again. “Uh… yeah, sometimes. Sometimes I wonder if I’m there enough for her. If I drank less, maybe I’d be a better father. And when I get into moods, she worries. I wish I wasn’t a worry for her. She’s only eight. I wish she could’ve grown up with someone more… sane than me. She’s too young to think about death and stuff like that.”

“Well, I think that is all the time we have for today,” said the therapist as she scribbled on her notepad. “You seem more comfortable talking than in previous days.”

Shane nodded again, not knowing how else to respond.

“How long have you been with us, Shane?”

“Three days,” he responded.

“Excellent. Just a few more days, if all goes well. And then you’ll be able to return to the valley.”

* * *

 

_“April 20, 2018 3:31 PM_

_A few of the staff saw it was my birthday in my file and came by to wish me well. It honestly felt really nice to get acknowledgement beyond my usual party of guests._

_My therapist – Glinda, I think her name is – she’s not as bad as I initially thought she was. Not as peppy and bright as the others who lead the activities at night. I don’t think I could stand another bright light in this hellhole. She’s a dimmer light, and I really appreciate that._

_Seb mentioned before he left last night that he had something planned for my birthday. I don’t know what he could possibly have planned while I’m in here. I can’t leave for any reason. Maybe he meant for after._

_I don’t know how he makes time to see me every night. He’s usually so busy during the spring, with all the crops and animals. And his operation just keeps getting bigger and bigger. I don’t get it._

_I wish I’d had some land to fall back on like him. Working with my hands is so much more satisfying than stocking shelves, if a bit messier. But being able to see fruits of my labor, like happy animals, would keep me going so much better than putting cans on shelves.”_

Shane set down his pencil, which was worn down to the nub. It was the last working pencil of his bundle, too – he’d have to ask the nurses if they’d sharpen them for him.

Working on a farm? It sounded like a pipe dream, but didn’t seem completely absurd the more he thought about it. Not in the valley. Maybe Marnie could use some help if Seb didn’t need it. It may not pay as much as JojaMart, but there was something to be said about sanity paying for itself.

Seb probably knew that well, Shane realized.

In the middle of his contemplation, Shane heard a knock on his door.

“Shane? You’ve got some visitors.”

This early in the day?

“Sure, let them in,” he called out, closing his journal and turning his chair around.

The door opened, and in walked Seb with several folding chairs, Marnie with a cake, Jas, and Emily, each carrying a bag of something.

“Happy birthday Shane!” Emily exclaimed, setting her bag down on the bed and running up to give Shane a hug. He stood stunned in her arms for a second, but put his arms around her after a moment. Her hair smelled of fresh dye and lavender, a surprisingly comforting scent.

“Brought everyone this time, did you?” Shane said to Seb, who grinned.

“Emily’s been asking about you. Figured I’d bring the whole crowd for your birthday.”

Marnie set the cake down on Shane’s desk, beside his journal. “Happy 33rd, dear. It’s a shame it had to be here.”

“Yeah,” Shane agreed. “But it’s for a good cause.”

“Indeed it is,” Seb said quietly, digging through his bag and handing Shane an envelope. “There’s your present. I think we all brought you something, but that’s from me.”

“We did!” Jas said excitedly, rummaging through the sack she had been carrying and pulling out three boxes wrapped in blue paper with silver crescent moons. “Mister Seb said that he wants his opened last.”

“That can be arranged,” Shane smiled, taking the boxes from Jas.

The first gift he unwrapped contained a small black jewelry box. He opened it to find a small egg of purple banded agate on a silver chain.

“That one’s from me,” Emily said proudly. “Agate is a healing crystal, the inner stabilizer. It should help transform all your negative energy into positive energy.”

Shane nodded and put on the necklace. “It’s a very nice stone. I appreciate it.”

The next gift was from Jas, a long narrow box that Shane opened to find a collection of wax-dipped daffodils and a plastic vase.

“I thought they would look pretty in your room!” she explained proudly. “Aunt Marnie helped me with the wax part. She says they’ll last a lot longer now.”

“They’ll certainly look nice,” Shane agreed, putting the vase on his desk and arranging the daffodils inside. “Thank you, Jas. They’re very pretty.”

Marnie’s gift was next, a wide, flat box. Shane opened it to find a navy-blue windbreaker.

“Blue always looks so nice on you, and this’ll help keep you warm when Fall comes a-calling,” she said, looking with pride at the gift.

“Certainly looks better than my hoodie,” Shane joked. “It’s really nice, Marnie. I love it!”

That left Seb’s gift, a simple envelope. Shane tore it open with his pinky, and found a card with a handmade stamped chicken on the front. Inside there was quite a bit of writing:

_“Happy 33 rd, Shane. Like everyone else, I wish you could be spending it with us in the valley, rather than in an inpatient unit. _

_I wasn’t sure what to get you this year, to be honest. Especially now that you’ll presumably be kicking the habit of alcohol._

_It occurred to me that it’s been getting harder and harder for me to get all my farm work done in a timely manner. There are days where I’m out in the fields well past dark. And I know you’re good with animals, so I’d like to offer you a job on my farm. You’ll be caring mostly for the animals, but occasionally helping with harvests and whatnot. I’ll double your hourly rate at JojaMart, cuz farm work is incredibly physical and you ought to earn exactly what it’s worth._

_Sound good to you?”_

Shane looked at the card, dumbfounded. He looked up at Seb, down at the card, and back up at Seb, trying to find words.

“Well?” Seb prompted, a little anxiety in the way his mouth was curled.

“You… you’d be willing to let me work on your farm?” Shane choked out, looking like he was about to cry.

“Absolutely. You come pre-trained to be great with the animals. And I’m getting a bit overwhelmed out there.”

“That’s an offer I can’t refuse,” Shane said, his voice cracking. “I accept. I’ll do it.”

Seb smiled widely. “Excellent. You start three days after you get out. We’re an at-will employment state, so you can give immediate notice to Joja once you’re released from here. And you’ll have three days to relax and get your bearings.”

“Were you all in on this?” Shane asked the other three.

“I was the one who suggested it,” Emily responded. “Seb’s been coming to the saloon later and later.”

“And I told him about how good you are with the animals,” Marnie interjected. “A professional recommendation, if you will.”

Shane looked between all his guests, a single tear rolling down his cheek. Jas ran up with a tissue and dabbed it away. “I don’t deserve any of you.”

“That’s not true,” Marnie rebutted. “You deserve to be loved. You’ve done so well with the hand you’ve been dealt, and you ought to be rewarded for that.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the delay on this chapter, college and sickness (both physical and mental, but mostly mental health concerns) have been hitting me hard and fast. 
> 
> My semester is almost up. That being said, we are rapidly approaching the time when my finals will be held. Chapters will be on hold during that week and the week before for my own sanity, because not only am I in several lecture classes, I'm also in an advanced art class that will require a lot of my attention. I'll let you guys know when that time actually rolls around. Until then, I should have some more content coming!


	37. Freedom

The next four days passed without much event for Shane. The routine of the unit only ever broke when Seb came to visit, sometimes alone, sometimes with Jas and Marnie.

“How are you making time to visit me every day?” Shane had asked him last night, in his solo visit. “You were just complaining about how you’re out in the fields til dark sometimes.”

“Magic.” Seb snapped his fingers. “Nah, I just get things done quicker when I have something to do later. Like visit you.”

“You’re still giving Sebastian the attention he wants, right?”

“Of course. I visit him for an hour before making the drive out here.”

The two had sat in silence for a while after that, the silence eventually broken by Seb, who was studying the ground intently.

“Sebastian’s going away to college in the fall.”

“Yeah? That’s exciting for him,” Shane replied, a bit uncomfortable. He wasn’t sure why Seb was telling him this.

“We’ve decided that when he leaves, our relationship ends,” Seb said to his shoes.

A whirlwind of emotion flew through Shane’s mind. _Do… do I have a chance?_

He fought it down as best he could. “That’s unfortunate.”

“Yeah,” Seb agreed. “It’s gonna suck once he’s gone. I’ve gotten… rather attached.” He bit his lip and his eyes grew stormy.

“Well,” Shane ventured, feeling more courageous than usual, “if you ever get lonely or whatever, you can talk to me.”

“I’ll remember that,” Seb smiled warmly at his best friend.

Shane had slept a little better that night after that conversation. And now the day had come for him to be released.

“The nurses tell me you’re going to be leaving us today,” Glinda remarked during their morning session.

“That’s the plan.” Shane couldn’t resist smiling at the thought of finally going home.

“Did you find your time in here productive?”

“I think so. The antidepressants are helping, I think. And I’m not nearly as fucked in the way of withdrawal.”

“We’ve arranged to have Dr. Harvey monitor your condition for a few more weeks in the valley,” Glinda informed him. “You’ll be issued more painkillers and anti-nausea medication. But hopefully we can taper you off the painkillers.”

Shane nodded.

“Do you know much about your next therapist?”

Shane shook his head.

“Her name is Carina Jackson. Wonderful lady, a colleague of mine and Dr. Harvey’s. She’s certified in addiction counseling as well. You’ll be in good hands.”

“I’ll be glad to meet her,” Shane grinned. He was feeling better than he had in years today, and the prospect of meeting someone who could help him keep it together was exciting rather than daunting.

* * *

 

_“April 24, 2018 2:57 PM_

_Today’s the day I get released. Seb’s coming to get me as soon as he’s done on the farm._

_I’ve never been excited to return to the valley before. Every visit to Zuzu previously was marked with the regret of having to go back. Zuzu always seemed to suit my needs better – more hustle and bustle, less nosy people, variety in fast food… but the hospital sucks. These have been the most painful days of my life, between withdrawal and having jack shit to do._

_My therapist suggested I keep journaling after release. And I think I’m going to. It helps me lay out my thoughts. Usually they’re so jumbled and make my head spin._

_The antidepressants seem to be helping. I don’t get the, er, what are they called? ‘Intrusive thoughts’ as much. Sometimes they’ll pop up, and that voice in my head will sneer at how helpless I must be to have to be holed up in a mental hospital for a week. But now I actually have the strength to brush off the thoughts and move past them._

_It’s been a lot of hell and (dare I say it?) happiness in here. But I’ll be glad to be back in the valley tonight._

* * *

 

“…and you’ll be picking up your medicine at Dr. Harvey’s clinic,” the nurse finished, handing Shane a handful of discharge papers. “Do you two need help getting all that down to your vehicle?”

“Nah, I think we’ll be fine,” Seb replied, paper bags filled with Shane’s clothes in each arm. “Thanks so much!”

“Of course,” the nurse replied, a wide smile on her face. She turned to Shane. “Goodbye, Mr. Crawford. It was a pleasure getting to know you and seeing you get better.”

Shane nodded kindly, and the two men headed out the double doors and down the stairs.

“How’s it feel, being set free?” Seb laughingly asked Shane as they pushed through the front doors of the mental hospital.

“Like I’m a prisoner getting pardoned,” Shane said with a smile on his face. “Are you hungry?”

“Not really. You are, I take it?”

“I’m always hungry, I feel like.” Shane plopped his belongings into the trunk, then swung his legs into the shotgun seat.

“Well, I wouldn’t recommend eating anything yet. Marnie’s got a surprise for you.” Seb started the car, and [a song started blasting](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YYCGTgQZkZU) over the speakers. It was rock, the kind of rock Shane particularly enjoyed.

“Never heard this before,” he remarked in between stanzas. “What’s it called?”

“S.O.A.R. It’s an acronym for Suffer, Overcome, and Recover.” Seb drummed his fingers on his steering wheel as he navigated the streets of Zuzu to the highway. “It’s by Devour the Day.”

Shane closed his eyes and leaned back in his seat, letting the lyrics wash over him. It was a hopeful song, all about getting knocked down and getting back up. It was the song he needed in that moment – something to assure him he was on the right track.

“That song got me through the days right after my inpatient stay. Figured you could use a little encouragement too. It’s easy to doubt yourself once you’re outside the hospital walls.” Seb glanced over at his quiet co-pilot, then returned his eyes to the road, weaving through the busy streets of Zuzu through the legions of city dwellers that just got off work and coming to a stop at the intersection before the onramp.

“The self-doubt hasn’t come yet,” Shane replied uneasily, “but I’m sure it’ll be there when I wake up tomorrow.”

“It never goes away,” Seb muttered, his eyes on the street signs. “It just gets easier to brush aside.” The light turned green, and Seb peeled onto the onramp.

* * *

 

Seb turned onto the route into the valley as the sky turned pink with the sunset.  

“Red at night, sailor’s delight,” Seb remarked idly, sounding as if he hadn’t meant to say that out loud.

Shane looked over at his best friend, bathed in the glow of the sunset, eyes on the horizon. He noticed that Seb’s eyes weren’t totally black – in the sunlight they shone chocolate brown.

“Marnie said she was going to make you a feast for your return,” Seb mentioned. He switched the song currently playing to [something a little different](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PbP-aIe51Ek) as they took a curve just a little too fast.

“Yeah?” Shane tore his eyes away from Seb to look out the window. “Hope there’s gonna be chili.”

“I dunno what she was planning, honestly.” Seb glanced over at his co-pilot, who was pointedly looking away from him.

“Will you be there?”

“Sadly no,” Seb sighed. “Sebastian asked me to come over once I got you. Now that we’re sure that we’re ending things once he’s gone, we’re trying to get the most out of our remaining months.”

“Fair enough,” Shane murmured.

They rode in silence the rest of the way home, Seb quietly singing along to the music while Shane silently fought off the feelings of inadequacy.

 _‘Just because he’ll be single in time doesn’t mean you have a chance,’_ the voice in his head sneered.

 _‘Fuck off,’_ Shane mentally groaned.

* * *

 

The first thing that Shane saw when he opened the front door to Marnie’s was a blur of purple hurtling at light speed towards him.

“YOU’RE HOME!” Jas squealed, tackling his legs and almost making him tumble out onto the dirt. “Uncle Shane, I missed you sooo much!”

“I missed you too, kiddo,” he chuckled, crouching down and giving her a hug. “Come on, let’s get inside.”

The second thing Shane saw was the table, loaded to capacity with his favorite foods – five alarm chili, mashed potatoes, stuffed peppers, buffalo wings… the list went on and on.

“I was starting to wonder where you were,” Marnie hummed as she took a casserole out of the oven. “Sure took your sweet time.”

“Seb took the long way for some reason,” Shane laughed, setting down his belongings by the door and taking his place at the table. “Yoba almighty, you didn’t need to make all of this.”

“I absolutely did,” Marnie retorted. “You have been living off hospital food for the last week, you deserve to eat something wholesome on your first day back.”

Shane didn’t bother arguing as he began loading his plate. Jas jumped up onto her chair and followed suit.

“Is Mister Seb coming to eat with us?” Jas asked Shane, twisting his gut into a knot.

“Not tonight,” he replied, trying to sound nonchalant. “He’s very busy.”

“Busy. All adults are so busy,” she grumbled, adding extra butter to her mashed potatoes. “I hope I don’t end up like that.”

“It’s everyone’s fate, dear,” Marnie chuckled, taking her place at the table and plopping some mashed potatoes onto her plate as well. “But that’s okay. It gets boring to not be busy.”

The three of them ate their dinner, Jas chattering about her day at school while Marnie and Shane nodded along, as was routine. In the past, Shane would sometimes get annoyed by this ritual – what was so interesting about an eight-year-old’s day? – but he found comfort in it now, having been away for a while. And in inpatient he’d sworn he would be there more for her. This was the perfect time to start.

After dinner was finished and the table cleared, Jas ran into her bedroom and came out with a card game he had bought her ages ago – Exploding Kittens.

And for once, Shane didn’t retreat to his room in favor of video games.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well guys, now you know where the fic's title came from! 
> 
> This is the last chapter for a while. Like I warned at the last chapter, I'm going to be super busy during the next weeks, likely until the beginning of May. I've got projects due all over the place and finals rapidly approaching. The brief hiatus should be over by May, however, so you can look forward to that! 
> 
> As always, thank you for reading and leaving kudos and comments!


	38. First Day On the Job

It was barely 6AM when Sebastian’s eyes fluttered open. The sun was just starting to filter through the drapes into the bedroom where he and Seb lay naked together, clothes strewn in all different directions. Seb had kicked off the bright red comforter that had been covering him and was on his side facing away from Sebastian, and he found himself transfixed by Seb’s circuitry back tattoo.

He reached out a finger and started to gently trace along the lines radiating from a central port, feeling along the slightly raised skin and the muscles that rested beneath. Seb wasn’t a bodybuilder by any means, but he was getting pretty damn fit from his toils on the farm. And something about the gentle touch that Seb couldn’t yet feel filled Sebastian with intense calm.

It was just the two of them in that house, in that bed. Seb was his, all his, at least until he left. And that fact fillec him with a strange feeling, akin pride mixed with greed. Those days where Shane was in the hospital had been gut wrenching for Sebastian, because he’d never had to really share his boyfriend with anyone, especially not the trainwreck of a man who looked at Seb like he was some sort of angel.

God, he hated the way Shane looked at his boyfriend.

His brooding and tracing was interrupted by Seb rolling over to face him, eyes bleary but awake, fading pink hair looking like poorly spun cotton candy piled on top of his head.

“Hey,” he breathed, pulling Sebastian into a tender kiss. “You’re up early.”

“Yeah,” Sebastian said quietly, pulling the covers up around him. “No idea why.”

“Maybe your brain wanted some time alone with my body,” Seb chuckled, slipping in under Sebastian’s blankets to pull him into a hug.

“You could feel that?” Sebastian blushed, stealing a glance at his boyfriend’s face buried in his neck.

“Mmmmhm… It was real nice,” Seb purred, planting a gentle kiss into the crook of Sebastian’s neck.

“I wish I was inked,” Sebastian murmured, wrapping an arm around his boyfriend. “I just don’t know what I’d get, though. And I feel like you have to be super confident in what you’re getting. Since, you know…”

“It doesn’t come off,” Seb finished, his fingers tracing idle circles on his namesake’s chest. “Mine were planned out for years. It was just a matter of saving up the money and finding the artist I wanted. Though I will say, I’d love to see some ink on you.”

“Yeah?”

“Mhm.” Seb’s hands continued their idle touches. “Maybe the symbol of the Solarion Chronicles wizard class. You seem to love playing them.”

“Maybe,” Sebastian mused. “Or a knife with a rose. I saw a design like that recently and thought it was stupid cool.”

Seb made an approving noise into Sebastian’s shoulder. Suddenly he stiffened. “Shit. What’s today?

“Uh…” Sebastian reached across the bed for his phone. “April 27th.”

 _“Shit.”_ Seb rolled sideways off the bed and started rummaging through his dresser. “Today’s Shane’s first day on the farm.”

“Ah, fuck,” Sebastian cursed. “Should I get going?”

“Nah, you can stay as long as you want,” Seb assured him, wiggling into his jeans. “I just have to actually get started on my chores.”

“I think I’m gonna leave for now,” Sebastian murmured, picking up his clothes from the ground. “I’ll be back tonight?”

“Yes please,” Seb grinned, turning to lean into his namesake and nip gently at his neck, drawing a quiet groan out of Sebastian.

* * *

 

Shane [popped in his headphones](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AwGbu4Hgj0Q) and stepped out of the ranch. A faint breeze played across his face and the sun was just starting to peek over the horizon. It wasn’t too cold out for a spring morning. All in all, there was no better day to start his new job.

Seb was waiting for him at the chicken coop when he arrived at 7AM, leaning against the building with his eyes closed.

“Morning, boss,” Shane said with a chuckle, leaning up against the coop with him and pulling out his headphones. “Where do I start?”

“Morning,” Seb yawned and flashed a smile at Shane. He pushed himself off the wall and headed into the coop. “You’ll be starting in here.” He leaned down and opened the little door into the fenced in area. The two dozen chickens in the coop whirred to life when they heard the squeak of the door, trotting out of their nesting boxes into the great outdoors. “You’ll need to collect their eggs and change out their nesting. And some general cleanup. I’m sure you know what you’re doing.”

Shane nodded and stooped down to change the nesting as Seb headed back outside. His hands moved without conscious thought, changing nesting material, scrubbing boxes, and sifting through the hay and finding eggs. In comparison to Marnie’s chicken operation, Seb’s was pretty small, and he breezed through the work in just a few hours.

He found Seb on his knees out in the field once he was done, surrounded by hearty heads of cauliflower.

“That sure was quick,” Seb remarked, examining one of cauliflower plants. “These are almost ready. Maybe a few more days.”

“Should I head over to the barn?” Shane wanted to know.

“Yeah. You know how to use the milker, yeah?”

“Yeah, it’s simple enough.”

“Alright. Get those suckers milked and I’ll show you how to run the bottler when you’re done.”

* * *

 

Shane was lost in the routine of milking the fifty head of cows when [he heard music coming](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=89VGuCeC7-A) towards the barn. 

“How’s it going in here?” Seb inquired, a bluetooth speaker the size of a messenger bag slung over his shoulder via a strap.

“Pretty well,” Shane replied easily, leading the second to last cow into the milking area and hooking up the machinery to her udders. “They seem to like me.”

“Of course they like you,” Seb chuckled. “Seems like every animal likes you the moment you step into their line of sight.”

“It’s a gift,” Shane said with a wiggle of his eyebrows. “I’m pretty sure I can run the bottler, by the way. It’s the same as Marnie’s.”

“Fair. I did buy it from her.” Seb picked up a brush and went to work on the last cow waiting to be milked. She lowed contentedly as Seb brushed all the straw off of her. “You’ll need to brush them too. They absolutely love it.”

“Cool, cool.” Shane started unhooking the cow from the milking machine as Seb finished up brushing the last cow.

“Do you want anything specific for lunch?” Seb asked as he turned to leave. “I was just gonna make some turkey sandwiches otherwise.”

“Sounds good to me,” Shane replied, leading the last cow into the milking area. “You don’t have to make me anything, you know.”

“I know, but I want to,” Seb fired back. “Lunch will be inside whenever you’re ready.”

* * *

 

After the two men filled up on turkey sandwiches, chips, and tea, Seb led Shane out to the very edge of his property to an island that was still overgrown, his [bluetooth speaker blasting some rock](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JqxM9ir_zBI).

“You ever cut down a tree?” Seb asked, setting down his speaker on a boulder and handing Shane an axe with a gleaming pinkish-purple head.

“Of course I’ve cut down a tree,” Shane scoffed, neglecting to add that it had been years since he’d cut down a tree.

“Cool. We’re gonna clear this island then,” Seb said, gesturing at all the overgrown land. “I’m looking to get some truffle hogs. I had a guy come out and have one of his pigs sniff out my land, and it was apparently teeming with truffles.”

“That’s pretty cool.” Shane squared his shoulders and started chopping at a smaller oak tree. The axe Seb had given him was incredibly sharp, and even his less-than-professional swings soon had the tree ready to fall.

The two of then cleared land until the sun started to set, casting its pink and orange rays over the river. Seb had long since lost his shirt, and Shane was once again stealing glances at his tattoos and sweaty skin gleaming in the sunset.

“Well. I think that’s plenty of work for one day,” Seb sighed as the final rays of sun disappeared over the horizon, swinging his axe into the dirt and sitting down on a nearby boulder. “Your earnings are on the dining room table, in an envelope. Cash. If Sebastian’s in there let him know I’ll be around in a bit.

“Got it,” Shane replied quietly, swinging his axe into the dirt beside Seb’s and heading towards the farm house. He stopped about twenty paces away and turned back to look at Seb, who had slid down the boulder onto the ground to rest his back against it. “Thanks for doing this, by the way.”

“Doing what?”

“Hiring me.”

“It’s no problem at all,” Seb waved his hand casually. “I needed the help. And I’d rather hire someone I know is skilled than take a gamble on some kid from a neighboring town.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back...!
> 
> The reason I wasn't back immediately, stupidly enough, is that I haven't been able to type very well given the placement of a new tattoo. My other fic is written on my phone, but the file for this fic is only on my laptop. 
> 
> Expect weekly-ish updates. You may have noticed that I've added a chapter total to the fic and that it's now part of a series. There will be a second series after this one, though how long it will be is unknown as of right now, because I've just started its outline.


	39. Jas' Birthday

Several weeks passed in the valley without incident. Shane and Seb worked on the farm each day to the tune of hard rock, Shane visited Dr. Harvey to ensure his withdrawal was regulated and his therapist to keep his mental health sound, Sebastian visited most nights, and in general, all was well.

One day, when Shane and Seb finished up most of their work early in the afternoon, Shane made a request of Seb.

“Hey, would you be willing to take me to Zuzu twice this week? I’ll pay you for gas.”

“Sure, when?” Seb set down his sledgehammer beside the fence post he had just hammered in.

“I dunno, whenever you’ve got time. Is Sebastian visiting tonight?”

“Not tonight, he wanted to hang out with Sam and Abi. Wanna go after we put in these last posts? What do you need?”

“Oh, just a present for Jas’ birthday,” Shane said casually, a wide smile on his face. “Been saving up. Now that I’m not drinking anymore and working for you I’ve got some money to burn.”

“I getcha.” Seb picked up the sledgehammer as Shane held another post steady and started beating it into the hole. “Tell you what. Once we’re done with the next post, we’ll get cleaned up and head out there.”

* * *

 

The first hints of summer had just started to stray into the valley when Jas’ birthday rolled around. Shane strode into Marnie’s home after work with a spring in his step and a warm smile on his face.

“Hi Shane! You sure do look happy,” Marnie remarked from the dining room table, where a cake peppered with a few candles proudly sat. She was in the midst of wrapping presents for Jas with pink wrapping paper speckled with bunnies.

“Haven’t felt this light since I was a kid,” Shane replied happily before disappearing for a moment into his room to grab Jas’ present.

“Gus been giving you free drinks?” Marnie joked, cutting the wrapping paper with a single stroke of her scissors.

Shane’s face dropped at the mention of alcohol, but he recovered quickly. “Nah. Been on a strict diet of sparkling water. Haven’t had a drink in weeks!”

“That’s wonderful, Shane,” Marnie praised him as she taped up the paper. “I’m very proud of you. You’re striving to get better and succeeding.”

“It’s all thanks to you, Jas, and Seb,” Shane smiled, taking the wrapping paper and cutting it down to size with choppy snips. “I forget too easily that I have people that care about me. And it’s been really hard to swallow my pride and let you all help me.”

“That’s a Crawford for you,” Marnie chuckled. “If we’re anything, we’re prideful to a fault. We solve our own problems when we can, but it’s hard to accept help even when we need it most because of that pride.”

Shane nodded. “Seb’s given me the ‘you’re not weak to accept help’ speech so many times. He said it’s a hard lesson to learn.”

Marnie stood up right as a knock reached their ears. “Come in, come in!” she called out as she moved to rummage through the dark wooden kitchen cabinets for matches.

“Could I get some help?” Seb’s voice called out from the entryway.

“I got you,” Shane yelled back, standing up and jogging to the front door. Seb’s front half was in the trunk of his car and he pulled out a massive pillow-shaped object wrapped in purple striped paper. “What in Yoba’s name did you bring?”

“It’s a surprise.” Seb winked at Shane and tossed him the wrapped up pillow thing like it weighed nothing at all. Shane caught it and discovered that it indeed weighed next to nothing, but was nearly as tall as he was. “I think she’ll like it.”

“Jas, you can come out of your room!” Marnie’s voice drifted from another part of the house as Seb and Shane set down their parcels on and by the table.

“I hope you didn’t spend a whole lot,” Shane murmured to Seb as they sat down at the table.

“No more than you did,” Seb chuckled quietly. “I’m not here to outdo her dad.”

Shane found himself grinning at being called Jas’ dad. Marnie and Jas came into the kitchen a few moments later, and he heard Jas gasp.

“Happy birthday Jas!” Marnie, Shane, and Seb exclaimed, Seb and Shane blowing on their little noisemakers.

“There’s so many presents!” Jas said in awe.

“You can have them once you make your wish,” Marnie smiled, striking a match and lighting the candles on the cake.

The three adults sang Happy Birthday as Jas sat like a princess before her court before she blew out her candles to much applause.

“Which one do you want first?” Shane asked his goddaughter, gesturing to the little pile of presents.

“That one!” She pointed at the giant pillow thing Shane had carried in.

“Okay, well, these go together,” Seb grinned, passing her a flat box to unwrap.

Jas tore at the wrapping paper to reveal a box with a picture of a junimo bean bag chair, then attacked the large thing to unveil a bag of foam beans. “Oh wow! It’s like my futon bear!”

“It’s a little bigger than a futon bear, but yeah!” Seb smiled with pride as Jas hugged the flat package to her chest. “Happy birthday girl!”

“Thank you Mister Seb,” Jas squeaked before pointing at Shane’s roughly wrapped present. “Can I have that next?”

“Sure thing, kiddo,” Shane replied in an upbeat voice, passing her the rectangular box. She ripped off the wrapping paper to reveal a pastel pink shoebox, which contained shoes made with holographic pink leather. “NO WAY! Are these real Bunny Jewel shoes?”

“That’s right,” Shane said proudly. “In your size, no less.”

Jas hopped off her chair and ran at Shane to hug him tightly. “Thank you Uncle Shane! Thank you thank you thank you! Aren’t they really expensive? How did you get them?”

“I’ve started to kick an expensive habit,” he said carefully after a moment’s hesitation. “And with Seb paying so much, I’ve got some money to burn.”

Jas tore through the rest of her presents from Marnie – a few dolls and some fun eyeshadow – and every time Shane caught Seb’s eye, he was rewarded with a look of pure pride.

 

Something about the softness in Seb’s face made Shane feel even more light and floaty, but he fought down those emotions for now. 


End file.
